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please just help me!!!

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asking for help is such a hard thing for me to to do ive always been a lonley person but these days i just dont know what to do.

i used to abuse a lot of cannabis when i was 16 after 2 and a half years smoking the stuff i finnally stopped after a nasty panic attack put me in hospital, that was march 4th 2010 i struggled to keep my mood up but it kept going down and down, as well as quitting all of my drug use i was helping my mum and dad out by basically paying my mum and dads mortgage after all it was the least i good do after being a stupid and selfish pothead for the previous years so i tried and tried, after that my dad got made redundant and fell into a state of depression rarely getting out of bed without beta blockers and citalopram, and getting so bad he needed diazapam too. yet i powered on and started working a ridiculous amount of hours just to make ends meet. i quit smoking ciggs realised if i could stop smoking thats more money maybe i can keep for myself as a treat ya no. then when i thought things were on the up i met the most beautiful girl on the planet she just blows me away, and i was lucky enough to have her whisper she loves me one night into my ear. shortly after that i found out we lost the house and that my money werent cutting it, as if the the past 12 months hadnt been hard enough with me coping with anxity and depression isnt hard enough i lose the family home and my job no im living in a rented house with my parents still struggling and im basically useless i cant even look at my dad im afraid of becoming him my girlfriend still tells me she loves me and that hurts most coz i have to wear a mask and smile back and say i love her too when all i wanna do is break down and cry ive started getting angry of everything i just dunno anymore i get small panic attacks when i see knife coz im scared i might hurt people or myself i just cant do this anymore please help :( xx im 20 btw and i apologise for spelling mistakes its kinda hard to type when your eyes are blind from the tears

total eclipse

SF Friend
Staff Alumni
HI hun it is good you are reaching out here hun for help What i can say you might not like but you need to get out on your own and you need to let your parents look after themselves hun YOu cannot be their carer okay You need to look after YOU alone now Your parents will have to look into getting support for themselves You need time just for you okay and your gf no more being the parent okay you are a kid who deserves to get living his own life now hugs


Staff Alumni
You did a great job letting your thoughts out in your post, Davey. Don't worry about the spelling. I understood it. I am glad you have a caring GF by your side. Welcome to SF, and I hope your financial situation gradually improves.
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