Please, just need something.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Jeska, Jun 26, 2012.

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  1. Jeska

    Jeska New Member

    Please, just need something. Someone?

    I'm sixteen, nearing seventeen. I've suffered a lot in my life, and now have depression. Been in therapy twice, with two suicide attempts in the past year. I have a wonderful new family, and two sisters whom I adore. But I can't stop thinking about it. I am about to start college, and it's my sister's birthday tomorrow. But all I can think is that I don't want my eyes to ope again in the morning. I only live for my family. I tell my sister most things, but she feels the same as me. We have to promise each other every night before we go to bed that we'll be safe and see each other in the morning, it's so bad. She broke a promise to me about not hurting herself again recently, so I am easily convinced in my head (I hear random voices sometimes) that it would be okay to leave. No one would miss me anyway. I should just leave, do it properly, and I'll never have to hurt her or be hurt ever again, right? Also, my past keeps coming back, and I want to be rid of the horrid memories. I just want to die.

    Please, if anyone's there...
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 26, 2012
  2. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Writer, Musician, Fun Lover, Magic Maker

    Re: Please, just need something. Someone?

    Hi Jeska, I'm sorry that you are feeling this way. Don't say that no one would miss you if you were gone...your family would miss you deeply. It's good that you have your sister for support, and you can be there for her as well. Please keep hanging on because things can get better for you both.
     
  3. Jeska

    Jeska New Member

    Re: Please, just need something. Someone?

    Thank you, but she just left me, in the knowledge that I wouldn't be safe if she did. Now, I just want to leave more than anything.
     
  4. pancake111

    pancake111 Well-Known Member

    Re: Please, just need something. Someone?

    What are the things that you enjoy doing? You said that you're about to start colleg, and you're not even 17. So you must be pretty smart. Why subjects do you like studying the most?

    Its good that you have you're sister because being alone is horrible. You two should help each to not only wake up each morning but to work to get better.
     
  5. Jeska

    Jeska New Member

    Re: Please, just need something. Someone?

    We're trying to. But she's starting therapy soon, when I've already been and they think I'm too messed up for it so I don't go anymore. She came back today, but now thinks I don't love her and that her birthday's been a load of crap (which is true) when it was so fun earlier, and that I would leave her this evening. And I did have that intention, but she knew that when she left, regarded it as a threat and left because I said that, apparently. So maybe if anyone doesn't love anyone it would be her not loving me, but then I made her birthday worse by saying that, so she left because she left so alone. It's so confusing... To me, anyway. And I don't really have any subjects, and listening to music, watching random things like Dexter and House and being with my sister. Yes, at least I'm not alone, but when things go bad, they go worse.
     
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