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fromthatshow

Staff Alumni
SF Supporter
#1
If someone here says... "Don't kill yourself, Spencer," then I won't. I just want to hear one person tell me that I deserve to be alive just because. Not for any reason. I know there is so much love here that we tell people all the time to stick it out even when we don't know them. Someone here just tell me not to do it :heart:

I am so depressed. My heart aches like I never thought possible. I am in an absolute hell 24/7. My therapist won't call me back, and I don't have a psychiatrist. All this was supposed to be set up when I was an inpatient in the hospital but they didn't do anything other than put me on old meds that didn't work. I used to frequent this forum a year or two ago. I was here like every day. Clearly what I have tried has not worked. I am so lost, and just want to end this horrible suffering. But I suppose if even one stranger thinks I'm not better off dead then I will not do it! I just need to hear it! That's all!
 
#2
Spence i haven't been about but havent forgotten you :hug: so don't do it! your worth far more than you know and there are people who care :hug:
 

fromthatshow

Staff Alumni
SF Supporter
#3
Spence i haven't been about but havent forgotten you :hug: so don't do it! your worth far more than you know and there are people who care :hug:
I haven't been about either! I thought I was doing well.
I forgot how much love there is on this forum.

Thank you :hug:
 

fromthatshow

Staff Alumni
SF Supporter
#9
Thanks guys. Good to know there is still love here :heart:
I have my method picked out. I'm one letdown away from going over the edge. Just came out of inpatient too, so it'd be tough to go back there. I'll probably figure something out. But it's nice to know there are people out there who care :heart:
 

fromthatshow

Staff Alumni
SF Supporter
#12
It's probably all the drugs. I was on this drug suboxone that is supposed to be for withdrawing opiate addicts, but when I did research online it was also found to be helpful with depression and anxiety. So that worked for about 6 months. But there are bad physical side affects and you build a tolerance fast. So I got off that because of the physical side effects. Now I'm back to shaking all day again. I did heroin three days in a row the beginning of this week and have been drunk maybe 4 or 5 of the other nights since I got out of inpatient hospitalization. They didn't do much for me. So there is a mixture of having done too many drugs and already being paniced all the time. My therapist won't even call me back (I dunno!) and I don't even have a psychiatrist.

There is a sense of panic that goes away the more seriously I take a step towards the end.
 

WildCherry

Owner Emeritus
#13
Has your therapist ever helped you, or returned your calls? If not, definitely time for a new one. And maybe worth trying to find a psych that could help you get on some meds for the panic. At least it might help take the edge off.
 

marmite

Active Member
#15
I am new to this site and I say don't do it as I have tried and now am glad I was not succesful.Hang on in there things may get better and you will miss out if you don't stay around to find out.Everything passes at some time.
 

fromthatshow

Staff Alumni
SF Supporter
#18
Thanks guys :grouphug:

Has your therapist ever helped you, or returned your calls? If not, definitely time for a new one. And maybe worth trying to find a psych that could help you get on some meds for the panic. At least it might help take the edge off.
No she hasn't. I know I need a new therapist and psychiatrist. I thought they would take care of it when I was an inpatient. I shouldn't let that be a reason not to seek out a new one it just frustrates me.
 

41021

Banned Member
#20
Are you holding up? If it gets too rough just stay here at the site. Folks here will help you keep holding on when you feel you no longer can.

*gentle hug* for you.

Totally understand about the panic easing the closer one gets :sad: same here. When I cradle it ...

Can you try to keep your method somewhere inconvenient?
 
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