I've been really bad the last couple of days. And it hurts because I was doing so good. And I'm upset because of lilichipie and because of all the other good people here that I've tried to help and cant. But the thing that upsets me the most is that there is a special person here who has tried so hard to help me the last couple of days. Just like she did when we first met. And she cant. Not because she isnt able but because I just cant and dont want to be helped anymore. The same shit and more each and everyday. No matter how much she puts her heart out for me things cant be changed. And I know every person in my position says it or thinks it but it is true. What happens to me has nothing to do with you. It isn't done to hurt you or destroy you. It isn't done to be a betrayal of our friendship. For me, it's me finally being selfish enough to do what has to be done for me. To end all this shit once and for all. There has been a lot of threads lately dealing with the after math of a suicide attempt for surviving family. As a suicidal person, you should know that your help doesn't go unnoticed but can appear that way because the pain is so overwhelming that I and others suffer that we just can't find the means to let your support in to change things. The pain is really that overwhelming.