I dont want to wake up to this body anymore, i feel like i dont fit in it, its too short i keep wanting to stretch out because i feel confined, claustrophobic and theres fat that doesnt belong, its like a disease, a cancer. i want it off me but i cant get rid of it. im so exhausted all the time and achy, i want the pain to go away. I dont want to wake up to this house, its disgusting, people are noisy and inconsiderate, they smoke pot & it smells filthy, they live like pigs. I cant even cook in the kitchen im scared i'll catch something. i dont feel at home, like i have my own space, like i can be comfortable. I dont want to wake up to this country, its lonely and strange, i dont think i'll ever belong here. I miss my family and friends but i cant live back home either, i dont even know where home is anymore. Im floating in nothingness just doing what i have to do to get by everyday. I dont want to wake up to this job anymore, not just this job, any job. i dont have the strength to care anymore. there is nothing that i would enjoy doing and even if there was, im not good enough to do it, no qualifications, nothing. Im useless. i cant even bear the thought of having to go through interviews ever again. I dont want to wake up to this mind, its holding me back, its negative, its afraid, its shy, its tired, it doesnt want to think anymore. it has just switched off. it has created so many limitations & road blocks for me. I dont want to wake up to this heart, its so heavy and it feels trapped. it has so much capacity for love that its holding back, it cant express properly. its as if it is deliberatly sabotaging any chance of happiness yet it is angry at itself. it wants to explode w/ anger and frustration. I dont want to wake up to this empty existence. I dont know if anything will be good enough. im always creating new problems or expectations. i dont want to carry on another day w/out comfort and security, w/out commitment and stability, w/out feeling normal and happy, w/ out being afraid of everything, w/out fun and laughter and kids and kittens... I cant take another night of restless sleep, feeling even more tired and beat up the next morning. I cant do it, please give me the strength to keep going... for my love... for possibilities... if not, please let me not wake up anymore.