please post opinion? :o

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by hmmm, Mar 4, 2011.

  1. hmmm

    hmmm Member

    so, if you've read any of my other posts you might know i have a lot of trouble with my mom;
    Lately she has been.........getting very angry and has thrown tempure tantrums with me.
    All of this came out of nowhere, well not really but it has gottten worst.
    She has three kids; iam the youngest and she treats me the worst...i ask why? but i cant seem to find a reason why.
    (going back in time) My mom stated that my father was the only man she had loved but he died. (Me and my sisters have different fathers by the way).
    She tells everyone i look just like him (just female version).
    Ive thought hard and searched for reasons to why she verbally abuses me and cant find one;
    But now im beggining to believe, that she abuses me verbally (sometimes physically) because i look like my father and he was the love of her life;
    ive asked very few people what they thought was the reason, and i just needed to know what a wide veriaty of people thought, so if your reading this please reply and tell me what you think? :/
    please, and thank you.
  2. In Limbo

    In Limbo Forum Buddy

    It strikes me that you're looking for a reason which may be irrational. It may be a reaction to his death - I cannot claim to know but from what you write it sounds plausible...

    I think that if it is to do with his death then your appearance as a reminder is secondary to that and a symptom rather than a cause of her anger...this is all hypothetical understand...

    Have you ever spoken to your Mum about this?
  3. Obnoxiously_Pretentious

    Obnoxiously_Pretentious Active Member

    Yes. Personally I agree with, In Limbo. Even though your father couldn't have prevented his death, your mother probably feels a deep abandonment and hurt from his departure. Although I'm almost certain she knows rationally that you aren't to blame, she needs to express her hurt/anger in some way. Being the closest link to your father, you make the ideal target of emotional transferance. Nothing is your fault and it doesn't mean that your mother is a bad person. It just means that she's too frightened to look deep into herself and deal with her hurt.

    From my experience: During my worst major depressive episodes, I'm always a complete b1tch to my parents. They do nothing to ever wrong me. I've just always saw them as a safe place to let me true colors show. I was always very sweet and compliant to friends/coaches/teachers. It wasn't that I didn't love my parents despite the abuse, I just had no other way of letting the hurt out without giving away my cover. I've always understood that it was wrong and felt terrible afterwards, but I just couldn't help my tone from getting nasty. I suspect a parallel between the expression of my hurt and your mother's.

    Please keep in mind that this is merely my opinion based on the information you provided me and in no way is meant to be taken for truth. I'm not a therapist, and even if I was, it would take lots of psychotherapy to find the real root of the problem.