Please push me over the edge

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by lymeinside, Jan 5, 2007.

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  1. lymeinside

    lymeinside Well-Known Member

    I wish someone would rip my hope away. I really need someone or something to push me over the edge. I am so sick of holding on while constantly being pummeled with more and more suffering. I've been told for years that things will get better, and they haven't. I don't see any end in sight. I cannot deal with this forever.

    I am begging for someone or something to convince me. I need more shit to pile up. I need to have my hope ripped away. Please, please please, fucking push me over the edge. I don't want to be alive anymore.

    Hope is even more cruel than life itself. I just can't let go. I am only alive because of hope, and everything else is absolute suffering. It's like a miniscule flame in a pitch black room. Please please please extinguish my hope. PLEASE.

    I hate myself. I am so fucking stupid to actually believe that things could actually get better. It's just false hope that is going to lead me through a life of misery. I am never going to change. I fucking hate my parents for bringing me into this world and setting me up for a life of failure and hopelessness. I am stupid, ugly, and a failure. I have NOTHING.

    I will not stand for much more of this. I have a deadline set, and I absolutely intend of keeping it. If nothing improves by then, I will consider it a reward to finally die, in return for dealing with shit for that long. Only a few more years and I will get my reward.
     
  2. thecleric

    thecleric Guest

    You and me both, friend.

    I go looking for stories of suicides to read. The big messes they always seem to leave behind, even though the suicides are almost uniformly pathetic, uninteresting people, are impressive.

    My hope is to beome my kids' secret shame, and nothing else.

    Dunno if that helps.
     
  3. TheBLA

    TheBLA Well-Known Member

    Same here as well, I wish there was a way for me to get so depressed that I would just fucking end this all right now and quickly, instead of just prolonging it out, I'm confident things can only get worse and I am just a drain, why can I just commit suicide and not have any obstacles in the way?

    I've been thinking about it for quite a while now, just wanting to be pushed over, wanting anything that is holding me back from committing suicide to just dissappear so I can just freaking do it, and hopefully actually succeed.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 5, 2007
  4. lymeinside

    lymeinside Well-Known Member

    I am convinced that if Hell exists, this is exactly how it must feel. Maybe I am in hell right now. I feel like I am trapped in limbo between life and death. This is absolutely horrifying. I cannot stand being alive, but I can't bring myself to end it. This has to be hell. I have never felt a feeling such as this before. Absolute despair.
     
  5. bumper

    bumper Well-Known Member

    It's true. Being hopeful only makes things worse in the long run. It's a short term solution to a long term problem.

    I'm in the same boat. looking for something to push me over the edge.
     
  6. lymeinside

    lymeinside Well-Known Member

    I am going to go cry myself to sleep and pray that I don't wake up.

    If there is a god out there, he will have mercy and let me die in my sleep.
     
  7. lymeinside

    lymeinside Well-Known Member

    Unfortunately I still seem to be breathing.
     
  8. ealdc

    ealdc Guest

    This is how I feel also. I'm scared of living, not scared of dying. I'm scared of living and never being happy- never finding happiness...

    Literally, every night I pray to not wake up the next morning. I beg God not to make me have to kill myself, to just take me in the middle of the night. It never works obviously. The only reply I get is silence, then this thought pops into my head. When I was young I was told that God never gives anyone more than they can bare. So I guess I haven't hit rock bottom. I never feel better though.
     
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