I wish someone would rip my hope away. I really need someone or something to push me over the edge. I am so sick of holding on while constantly being pummeled with more and more suffering. I've been told for years that things will get better, and they haven't. I don't see any end in sight. I cannot deal with this forever. I am begging for someone or something to convince me. I need more shit to pile up. I need to have my hope ripped away. Please, please please, fucking push me over the edge. I don't want to be alive anymore. Hope is even more cruel than life itself. I just can't let go. I am only alive because of hope, and everything else is absolute suffering. It's like a miniscule flame in a pitch black room. Please please please extinguish my hope. PLEASE. I hate myself. I am so fucking stupid to actually believe that things could actually get better. It's just false hope that is going to lead me through a life of misery. I am never going to change. I fucking hate my parents for bringing me into this world and setting me up for a life of failure and hopelessness. I am stupid, ugly, and a failure. I have NOTHING. I will not stand for much more of this. I have a deadline set, and I absolutely intend of keeping it. If nothing improves by then, I will consider it a reward to finally die, in return for dealing with shit for that long. Only a few more years and I will get my reward.