Please put me out of my misery

Autumn1973

Looking for people who will accept me for who I am
#1
I just realized that all I'll ever be able to do to help others on this site is post a hug. I have no words to comfort or advise. Because I can relate to what they've written, and I want to ask them questions. Someone mentions a method to end their life in their post, and I want to ask how they plan on going through with it because I might decide it's better than what I have planned. This is all I am and all I'll ever be from here on out. I'm useless. I read the articles that others have written to try and help those in need, but none of it can be applied to me. Because I have no goodbye notes to write. Not a single one. How pathetic is that? I've never made any real meaningful connections with anyone. I don't know how. I've always been shy, introverted, and I have tried, but it never works out. Every time I think I'm getting close to something good, it ends. It just ends. I don't feel anything anymore. Maybe I'm no longer able to feel. The only regrets I have now is for trying. Attempting to do things I never should've allowed myself to even fantasize about. Like being in a loving relationship with someone. Or having friends. Having reasons to live.

I say this now with full conviction and no regrets or any feelings whatsoever. I want to die. More than anything else I've ever wanted, I want to be dead. I wish I was dead. I wish I had killed myself when I was a teenager. I can't handle this anymore. I just want it to end.
 
#2
I'm really sorry to hear this *console Nobody deserves to suffer this much.

Are you in therapy? I'm also wondering is there anything that could make you feel differently - like if you were able to establish some connections with people?

A hobby or vocation can give life a purpose. Mine is writing. I moved to a new city 4 months ago and went to a Meetup group for writers and now have 2 connections. I'm also planning to go to Meetups for meditation, walking and board groups. Hey, it's not the same as close friends but it's something. And long-term I met my close friends in writing groups.
 

Autumn1973

Looking for people who will accept me for who I am
#3
I'm reaching the point where I'm no longer worried about ending up worse off than I already am if I were to fail at suicide.
 

Autumn1973

Looking for people who will accept me for who I am
#6
I just can't see it that way. As being worth trying. All I want is for it to be over. I'm not worth saving. I know that now, I've accepted it as fact.
 

Autumn1973

Looking for people who will accept me for who I am
#8
I don't see that happening. Because I can't even imagine it anymore.

Thank you for your friendship. For accepting me for who I am, and for not hating me for who I am. It means so much to me, my friend. *hug
 

Autumn1973

Looking for people who will accept me for who I am
#9
All I want now is to make being dead my reality. It's just a matter of making a commitment to the method I've chosen, and finally going through with it.
 

AvidFan

Retired Cat Staff
SF Supporter
#10
All I want now is to make being dead my reality. It's just a matter of making a commitment to the method I've chosen, and finally going through with it.
Sorry you are feeling this way. I don't understand why life dishes up such abject suffering for some people. I'm sorry you feel you have no value, I'm sure you have helped many a person on this site just by responding to them. I wish I could make you feel better.
 

KM76710

Kangaroo Manager
SF Pro
SF Supporter
#11
I wish we could do and offer more for you than just what we can online because you are quite a fine and decent person in everything I have seen and experienced with you. It is sad that you can't do and be as you wish you because all people should have that in their lives.
 

iloverachel

An outcast, forgotten and excluded by society
#12
Hi I am sorry you are going through so much pain.
I would love to be your friend! I definitely accept you for who you are and I am sure many others here do too.
I know how it feels to be isolated and suicidal in the outside world, its tough, sometimes i also do not know how to help but offer hugs

I am sure your hugs to others help a lot. Sometimes just acknowledging and responding to someone can make their days better. So even if you dont know the best advice or solutions to others problems, continue to post your hugs and messages of support because im sure it helps *hug
 

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