Please read before reading/posting in this forum

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by Jenny, Jul 18, 2007.

  1. Jenny

    Jenny Staff Alumni

    Hi All,

    This subforum has been added by request as it was felt that some members are struggling/have struggled with their sexual orientation/sexuality. The subforum is therefore a place for members to talk and gain support from people who are going, or who have been, through similar issues.

    Relationships can also be discussed here, i.e. if you have had a troublesome relationship, are in a relationship and have an issue that you'd like to talk about, etc. If you are in a relationship with anyone on please do NOT talk about the details/issues here.. please take personal conversations/issues with a member to private message.

    This forum is a place for support, it is not for debates or personal attacks. Any such threads will be deleted and the member dealt with as appropriate. The subforum is for members only, i.e. threads will only be visible to members who are logged in to the forum.

    I hope you find this forum helpful.
    Take care
    Last edited by a moderator: Aug 11, 2007
  2. LouisLeGros

    LouisLeGros Member

    I think that this is an excellent sub forum to have created.

    I'm completely comfortable with my orientation, but I think maybe a place for sexuality maybe needed. People have frustrations about sex that is beyond struggling with what orientation they really are.
  3. ~CazzaAngel~

    ~CazzaAngel~ Staff Alumni

    I think this is a good idea. Thank you for taking the time to add this. Hugs all around. :biggrin: :grouphug:
  4. Hae-Gi

    Hae-Gi Banned Member

    I'd rather see a sexuality forum, as well... :/
  5. Jenny

    Jenny Staff Alumni

    I've changed the title of the forum to cover both Sexuality and Sexual Orientation.. thanks for the feedback :)
  6. ybt

    ybt Guest

    what's the difference? :unsure:
  7. I have a question. No doubt that this would be the proper place to "come out" or whatever.... but is this forum any place for pro vs. con discussions, or would that be taking things too far? :unsure:
  8. wally1980

    wally1980 Member

    Thanks Jenny, this is a sub-forum that is really needed, these issues can often lead to depression ans suicidal thoughts so i am very glad that this is finally here to let people talk about sexuality/ sexual orientation issues in a very safe and caring enviroment
  9. Jenny

    Jenny Staff Alumni

    If i understand correctly, you're asking if it'd be ok to talk about the advantages and disadvantages of 'coming out'.. Personally I'd say that that is ok to talk about here - other members may also have some experience/ideas on the issue that may help in decision making :)

    Also, by request we've changed the name and nature of this forum to include Relationships in general :)
  10. scared_child

    scared_child Account Closed

    i think this is a great idea...but this is one that would probably need to monitored fairly heavily, because many people(that i know of) are extremely against gays/bisexuals and could say something extremely hurtful.
  11. Fatman1966

    Fatman1966 Antiquitie's Friend


    Thanks for making this section, I think its a great idea, but then I would, lol, I was one of the folks that suggested it.

    I know a name is a name, but...

    How about "Gay, Straight Or Bisexual ?"

    Sexual orientation, makes me want to reach for a map and a compass, it doesn't really get across the point of the section or at least not what I originaly envisaged it would be about.

    Just a thought, like I said, its just a name.
  12. Jenny

    Jenny Staff Alumni

    Hi Fatman1966,

    I've raised your suggestion with the 'staff'.. watch this space ;)

  13. Hae-Gi

    Hae-Gi Banned Member

    Isn't it more appropriate with the name "Relationships & Sexuality," since sexual orientation only covers just that; your orientation. Sexuality would cover that, as well as general sexual discussions or rants, like a rant about how you're about to lose your mind, due to not getting sex (like me), or whatever other general issues that might be brought up.
  14. rojomi

    rojomi Banned Member

    :unsure:Sounds as if this forum is evolving. Gay, bi, trans-gender people may have thoughts, feelings etc. that differ from the mainstream. I accept the fact that people vary in their acceptance of these lifestyles, and it seems that the ad min./mods are aware of that. Aside from the stigma of mental/physical illness exists the stigma of leading an alternate lifestyle.

    Another forum, has addressed this by creating a forum specifically for GLBT's to post in a SAFE, non-patronizing forum. I may not be understanding the posts here,(likely!), but it sounds like there may be a group who would like a forum to post/vent sexual frustration or experiences. And then another group, or maybe just me, to discuss other issues not related to sex specifically but about topics,(politics,culture,humor etc.),that pertain to the GLBT community at large. Just a thought. Links to & from GLBT sites might be helpful too. The U.S. is polarized-go for value.:rolleyes:
    I have visited this forum for awhile now. Screwed-up once & regret it. I've
    gained knowledge, respect for the feelings/situations that we all share at some time or another, and some great games & quotes. What baffles me is that I don't see viable links for other non-commercial resources mentioned very often. Phone help lines, deep breathing, taking a bath may seem lame to some-but the above have gotten me thru many a night.

    As an old fart who has used drugs/alcohol to some extent to dull the pain, I'd like to say-STOP to those who "don't care". I now face the reality of all of those toxins I thought would 'help'. My kidneys, liver, bladder and immune system disagreed without informing me beforehand. The aftermath has been 6 years of sheer hell and inept medical diagnosis/treatment/therapy. So now,
    when a doc prescribes a new wonder drug-I ask all about it. They usually don't know. It's often fun to confuse practitioners of various specialties w/
    medical terms they have forgotten or were never trained in. After an app'tmt.
    I also enjoy going over to staff vehicles,(Beemers, Lexi, Mercedes, Porsche
    etc.) and whisper-"I helped pay for you-what have you done for me?" :tongue:
  15. Fatman1966

    Fatman1966 Antiquitie's Friend


    Let me explain a little, as always using me as a reference.

    At the tender age of 13 or so, I "wondered" about other boys, at 15 I thought I might be "gay", at 17 I was sure I was gay, that thought terrified me, it went against every thing my friends, family and peers, had told me was, good, right and natural in the world, it was a choice, "they said", so I chose not to be gay, not to be any thing, I was ashamed of who I was and the relationships I wanted, a second class person, so I did the manly thing, I ignored it, but it just wouldn't go away.

    To cut a long story short, that tormented for over the years and fueled a pretty self destructive, self sabotaging, inward looking view on life, which came to a head, at the age of 32, New Years 1998/1999, and almost cost me my life.

    So what did I want this section to be when I suggested it ?

    A safe place where young people, or old people, like me, lol, can come and talk about issues around being gay, straight or bi, which even today, is still pretty high on the list for teenage depression and suiside, I know times have changed, but in some places attitudes haven't, mostly in the minds of some young men and some young women, but it's not there fault, they just don't know it just yet.

    So for me, this section isn't about sex, getting it or not getting it, it's not about relationships even, but that is a part of it, its about helping people comes to terms with who they are "gay, straight or bi ?" because I think, the one the worst things that can happen is for a young person, to screw there lives up and happily through it in the bin, because that's what, narrow minded people told them was the right thing to do, because they are lesser people, that don't deserve to live, happy, well rounded lives, like "normal" people, soley based on who they have "relationships" with.

    The cruelest part, is that this judgement, this sentence, is passed, by people, that will never know, never have experienced or never even considered, that gay people are, just people, all the same.

    An example from the forum, I can no longer find to post a link, but it went something like this.

    Q. I like boys :-(
    A. Don't worry about it, its your choice, you can choose not to be gay if you want to, if it makes you unhappy.

    What's wrong with that ?

    Here is how I read it.

    Q. I am not normal, I'm an undesirable person, second class, It's descusting, I'm ashamed, I'm scared, I'm confused, It's wrong, this is causing me great pain, I'm not the same, I'm not normal, my life is over, I'm a freak, I want to be normal, please tell me I can be normal, just like everyone else, I want to be the same, please let me be the same.

    A. It would be much better if you were normal, only you can decide if you are normal or not, but think it would be better if you were, guys that like guys, thats revolting, you don't want to be one of "them", you want to be the same, not being the same, is making you unhappy, you should stop that right now, it's your fault you feel this way, you chose to like other guys, thats a bad thing, that makes you a bad person, good people don't choose to be like "that", it's up to you, you chose to be that way, choose not to be, I think it's just wrong.

    Ok, I may have gone a little overboard, but you get the idea, that lad that posted the "I like guys :-(" never replied to any of the posts in the thread, the message he took away, sounded pretty much to me like, screw your life up and throw it in the bin, you'll never be happy if you are gay, so ignore it and hope it goes away.

    I have been there done that, worn the T shirt and walked away from 25 years of solitude, on a personal level, on a physical level, on an emotional level and only just managed to walk away, with my life and my sanity, intact.

    17 really is a crazy age to screw your life up and throw it in the bin, because someone told you it was the right thing to do, other people don't need to the learn that same lesson, in this day and age, it's too cruel a lesson to teach boys and girls

    (Gets down off soap box)

    That's what I was thinking, when I ask for this space.

    The question that starts the whole thing off is "Gay, Straight or Bi ?" hence, my choice for the section title.
    Last edited by a moderator: Aug 18, 2007
  16. Hae-Gi

    Hae-Gi Banned Member

    It makes no sense that it, exclusively, would be for sexual orientation, though. Although many would need to talk about that, it's not something I, among others, have any reason to talk about, so making it exclusive for that is kind of ridiculous. I've wanted a forum for venting about sexually related frustrations, myself... just haven't mentioned it.

    Maybe a subforum, called "Orientation," under one called "Relationships & Sexuality," would be the most appropriate.
  17. Jenny

    Jenny Staff Alumni

    Wowzers, well firstly I raised the issue about renaming this forum to 'Gay, Straight or Bisexual' to the staff, but we felt that it could possibly leave some people out, e.g. transexual, asexual, etc. If we left the title as 'Sexual Orientation' then we would reduce the risk of leaving people out.

    However, since I raised this with the staff it seems more ideas have come forward.. I'll have to think about this to be honest and will raise again with the staff.

    My initial thought is that we could just rename the forum to 'Relationships and Sexuality'? Would that not cover everything?

    Anyway, i'll raise again with staff.. i get the feeling we're not going to please everyone though, so will try to do our best

  18. Fatman1966

    Fatman1966 Antiquitie's Friend

    Thanks for that Jenny

    As I said, it's just a name, once the section fills up, it will become more evident what its all about any way, i think we do all agree that sexuality, is better than orientaion, how's Sexuality & Relationships sound, just to shift the emphersis a little, but don't hassle the staff too much, and get yourself in trouble, it is just a name.

    Its the contents thats important.

  19. filemeunderneath

    filemeunderneath Active Member

    This forum is wonderful. I hope it stays.

    (out and er...loud)


  20. BP#1

    BP#1 Well-Known Member

    So this is where i would describe my sexual desire to please stemming from my sexual, mental, and physical abuse as a child?