Please read before you attempt suicide

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Casey., Apr 27, 2008.

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  1. Casey.

    Casey. Well-Known Member

    Are you thinking about suicide?
    Thinking about how, if you killed yourself, nobody would care?

    Think again.

    If you kill yourself you will change somebodies world. That's right. They will see everything differently. Just hearing your name will burn their mind with memores. They wont be able to go near where you lived, even your town will hold memories. Listening to the radio they'll hear that song, remember,that song you sang with them once? They'll step past your locker every day and wonder why you are not there. Why are you not there??

    Do you want to be responsible for your family members, the people who love you, crying every night? For your sisters or brothers losing part of who they are? Your suicide is going to effect most deeply those who care about you most. That's not right. One of your friends may break down, and just like you, their world will be dark. The pain you are in is awful, but why pass it on to hundreds of people around you, when you could try your hardest to work through it?

    Your family will be paranoid. Suddenly everyone will be talking about them. Do you want to be known as 'the kid who killed themselves?' People you never knew will be crying when they hear what you've done. Yes, they will be effected. Everyone around you will stop and think ;; "was there something i could have done?" Suddenly the people of your world are dying with guilt. All those little hints you gave, they'll remember them. Oh yes, and it will torture them all the time.

    Your friends will think of suicide. Your closest friends are likely to go into a depression like the one that claimed your life. How will they cope, without you? This will break them, for the rest of their lives. And lets not forget the people who will plan your funeral. Your closest friends and family picking out songs for you, photos of you. Crying all the night before, and all the day of your funeral. And all the night after. In fact, they will cry now more than you ever did. Could they have saved you?

    They'll be angry. Oh yes. Why didn't you tell them? They loved you. And now it's too late. They'll be angry with you because they know, they know you could have gotten through it. Then they'll be angry with themselves because they may have been able to save you if only they knew.

    And one day, one day years from now, they'll remember you. They will all still remember you. The girl that sat up the front of your class; she'll remember you. The bus driver you saw every morning; he'll remember you. That little girl you sat with on the bus once, The kid you leant money to at the shop, all your siblings friends, the people that you dont see, but that see you everyday they will all remember you. And every single one of them will wonder; why?

    But imagine your family.

    You are part of them. Without you, something is missing. If you killed yourself then part of them dies too. They are incomplete. Every family gathering will be missing something. The photos on the wall are suddenly all cold reminders of what you did.

    Who goes through your bedroom? Who cleans out your locker? Who calls the school to tell them one of their students has died? .. Who tells the students? Who calls the funeral directors? Who arranges a coffin for you? Who calls your best friend to tell them you're dead??

    Who finds you?

    Please, there are other ways out. I know sometimes the struggle is very, very hard. But it's not worth giving up on life. Life is all we have, life is everything. Its the beautiful moments, and the sad ones. Please, don't give up on all those around you. You can make it through.

    My teacher said this about her father, who commited suicide:
    "I understand that the pain is overwhelming, but I will never forgive him for the pain he has caused others. It was just selfish. If you kill yourself you spread the suffering among thousands of people, it doesn't only affect those around you but everyone who has ever come in contact with you."

    Please, keep fighting. You can get through this and see that there is life after what you're facing now. It may be hard, but you'll get there, and when you do you will appreciate it so much more. I understand that most people know that suicide effects others, but please keep this in mind if you're ever feeling so low. Give people the chance to help you.

    Much Love.
    (No citation)
  2. Casey.

    Casey. Well-Known Member

    Ask yourself these questions before you attempt suicide:

    1) Can you really say that life is going to be this terrible forever? NO! You can't decide at 16 or 20 or even 30 that life isn't worth living. You can't decide at 60 that life isn't worth living. Life is what you make of it, don't just give up. Never give up.
    2) Think of the people you'll leave behind. No, not the people who 'hate' you and 'want you dead', but the people who actually GIVE a ****. Think of the people who tried every day to make you happy, think how **** they'll feel. Oh, you won't be able to care, you'll be too DEAD to notice. Why would you WANT to inflict the sense of guilt and failure on anybody...Isn't that part of what drove you to ending it anyway?
    3) Life will get better Always. Bad things happen to everyone, some people deal at the time, others let it build up and then have a merry nervous breakdown. But even when you're at the bottom of that spiralling heap of crap, you can get back up. It is a noted fact that the most turbulent time of any person's life is the adolescent years between 12-20. And how old are the majority of people on this site?
    4) Why do you want to die? Seriously, why? Is it a cry for help? Then go to your doctor or write someone you trust and want help from a letter explaining how you feel. You don't have to tell anyone you cut or burn and hate yourself if you don't want to.
    Is it to get back at the people who hurt you? You can't get revenge on anyone from the grave. It is far more satisfying and positive to take revenge in some other way.
    Do you want to see them crying from the afterlife so you get the satisfaction of knowing too late that someone gave a damn? First, consider your religious beliefs. In ye olde days it was believed that those who killed themselves could not go to heaven and they were not allowed to be buried on holy ground (a secondary point, you could be put to death for attempted suicide in the early 1800s...). So, whereas you may feel that to make them love you, you have to die, how are you going to know they love you? Do you think you'll go to heaven, will you simply rot in the ground, do you believe in reincarnation? If there is any kind of afterlife you can watch those you tried to hurt, mourn then you are still going to be a concious being. Isn't that what you're trying to avoid?
    Is it because you can't cope with the pain anymore? Then go to the doctor and get yourself something to HELP. No, meds aren't for everyone, neither is counselling, but depression is medical it's not something that can easily be controlled from within. Seeking medical help does not make you weak, when you are on the verge of death because you don't feel you can cope. Doctor's will not always look at you strangely. Psychiatrists, CPNs, counsellors and psychologists see people just like you every week. You are not an anomaly.
    5) Is it worth it? I mean, imagine if it doesn't work and you have to cope with everyone asking if you're OK for the next 5 years. Or your parents hiding up all the tablets and razors in the house, so you can't even get some medication for a HEADACHE. Then there's suicide counselling, lasting scars, the possibility of long term liver/kidney damage. The possiblity of brain damage. Did you know you can take a lot of paracetemol with no effect and then can drop into a vegatitive state with no warning? Many people I have known (myself included) who have attempted, or started to kill themselves have regretted it deeply afterwards.
    Basically, a lot of annoying ****ing fuss. And then nobody knows what to say to you, l how they should approach you, whether you'll go off on one.
  3. danni

    danni Chat Buddy

    very true on what you said hun.

    even thou ppl feel like they dont have anyone they do, think about it before you act. Do you want your friends or family member to go throu what you going throu. We are all for you and we want to help you to to get back to your life :hug:
  4. touglytobeloved

    touglytobeloved Well-Known Member

    Only this keeps me still here. But one day, all this will be nothing compared with the pain inside me. I will fail and ill kill myself, because its already unbearable. What future do I have? Isnt it selfish that others are expecting from me fo handle with all this pain whole my life, just to make them happy? They will finally get over me. In fact, they should be happy because Im dead, because I get what I wanted.
  5. touglytobeloved

    touglytobeloved Well-Known Member

    I ask myself, how will I react if someone I know commit suicide? I know, i will wondering WHY? And I will analyse the reason, but not from my perspective, but from his perspective. Ill try to be HE for the moment and see with his eyes, listen with his ears, feel with his soul. And Ill try to understand his pain. At first I might be angry, but later, I will get over. I know that he loved me, and the fact he was leaving me and the others who he loved was hurting him even more, and making his pain even bigger. And finally I will accept his decision. And everyone should accept it. And I will hope he is somewhere else, happy, living a new happier life, life full of joy, a life that he couldnt have here.
  6. Fishman

    Fishman Guest

    I could add a few things as well, but I shan't as I want this to be a posative place for sad people, but don't try and guilt people into staying alive...thats going about it the wrong way.
  7. Ugh! Another "Don't suicide! It's selfish and it hurts other people" thread.

    My response is as follows:

    Anyways, I want to write about my perspective regarding the issue of how suicide affects the family... hmm... umm... Instead, it would be better for me to explain about what the basis of suicide really is, which is death. In life, everybody dies at some point. Alot of people have funerals. Anyone who has been to a funeral, knows that typically, funerals are very sad. People at funerals grieve alot, mourning over death. Not necessarily because of the way the person died, though mostly by the fact that they will never get to interact with the dead person again in this stage of existence. Anyone who is more concerned about the way that the person died, rather than the fact that the person is dead, is very uncaring. However, in the same regard, people have to accept that death is going to happen regardless of the pain it causes to those left behind in this world. The matter of death is insignificant compared to anything else. All that we can do for people, is to support each other in life here in this world, while hoping that people will want to live in this world until they naturally die. Though, if a person does choose to hasten their death, we should not criticise them for that decision. Instead, we ought to show the same amount of quality love for them in death as we did for them in life here in this world.

    Anyways, I'm a bit annoyed by people telling those who are suicidal, that they should keep on "fighting". When did living ever become so bad and so difficult, that people would resort to calling it, "fighting"? Personally, I think that if someone has to "fight" in order to "live" or "survive", they really ought to question the nature of their existence. I'm trying so much not to go into my "pro-choice" viewpoint, knowing that if my perspective in this thread is going to be considered by people, I need to be as unbiased as possible. However, it is very difficult to do when responding to a person who shows such stupidity in their hateful attacks against suicidal people on SF. It is that "extreme" level of "pro-life" opinion which causes my "pro-choice" viewpoint to want to be heard even more.

    I'd hope that people in this world would stop saying that suicide is a selfish act. Suicide is not a selfish act. Suicide is an act of escaping problems caused by a selfish society. Escaping society and the world is not selfish. Remember, we, as people, do not choose to be born into this world. It is a choice made by our parents. There is the belief that we, as children of our parents, ought to be thankful that our parents gave us life. Well, I don't believe that life is a gift, since a gift is voluntary, a gift isn't something forced upon anyone. Typically, a gift has no cost to the receiver, at least in terms of the emotional, physical, and spiritual cost that life reduces from a person. The only benefit to life, in my opinion, is the life which I believe will be for us when we die from this world. Our own personal "heavens", in which we will be happy living on. Depending on a person's religious and spiritual beliefs, death does not necessarily mean death from life, rather, it could mean death from this world. In a practical, realistic world-sense, ethically, and morally, that a person who chooses to end their life, there is no reason to call that person "selfish". Viewing the situation from the perspective from which I, a disabled 25-year old male, I understand the pains of the disabled and of the terminally ill. They have tried in life, yet the people who become suicidal, either the disability/illness becomes too difficult to deal with, or a lack of supportive care, causes them not to be able to want to continue living on this world. Perhaps a combination of both. Also, I have the same belief of non-disabled, suicidal people. We may be able to relate with the subjects of their suffering, yet we should not judge a person's ability to cope with that suffering. Nobody should ever judge a person's suicidal intent as being selfish.

    Also, please do not try to debate about dictionary references either. Dictionary definitions relate to words, they are so generalized. You cannot say that suicide is selfish simply because of a dictionary definition. If you could, then everything you do in life is selfish. From drinking to eating, from even breathing air, you are selfish, because you are doing something for yourself. Living is selfish! Actually, dying is less selfish than living. When a person is dead, they no longer continue to use up resources. Go figure. Another thing is, that if society truly cares for someone who is suffering, they'd try to help that person. If help didn't, well, help, then if society were unselfish, instead of trying to force the person in suffering to stay alive, they'd be compassionate and understanding of the person's right to die.

    Consider that the "community" or "society", doesn't necessarily accept people, unless they deem worthy to them. A person can be neglected and rejected by society so much so, that in itself, can make the person suicidal. So, it isn't selfish for that person to want to die. Besides, a person does not have a commitment to remain alive, unless the person has children or family to whom they are caregivers for. Although, breaking that commitment still does not make that person selfish. Instead, it means that the person must have had such a horrible life situation, that it would cause them to kill themselves, despite having to break their commitment in order to die. To the friends and relatives, instead of grieving about the nature regarding the death of their suicidal loved one, grieve about the reasons why the person killed themselves and the fact that this world is so horrible, that it could not provide a better life for the person here.

    Ugh! Again, suicide is not selfish. Typically, people who suicide do not have the mindset of, "Hmm, I think I'll just hurt a bunch of people by killing myself". People who suicide are in deep emotional and/or physical pain, sometimes so much so, that they choose not to reach out for help, either because they feel that they can't be helped, and/or they don't want to burden others with their problems. Sure, their suicide can cause pain to others anyways, though so can any form of death. Ultimately, those left behind ought not to have so much anger regarding their lost one's death, that it causes them to "attack" the lost one with horrible insults such as "selfish".
  8. touglytobeloved

    touglytobeloved Well-Known Member

    Feel free to add what you think. There is no positive place for sad people. If you are sad, you are sad. I would like to hear what you have to say, positive or negative, its relative. Something I will find it positive, others should see that as negative.
    Do you think it is positive or negative if someone tells you that you are guilty because with your death you are hurting others? And to explain it to details (details that you already know, but you are trying to keep them inside) so it would take the tears from your eyes, make you cry inside your soul, because you are reading a painfull truth that you already knew and you have hidding it in you heart?
  9. Aleth

    Aleth Well-Known Member

    I know you mean well. But it doesn't answer how a suicidal person might feel.

    I think about what impact my suicide will have. And it has held me back before and I debate it in my head constantly.
    But I'm damaged and broken, and in the long term living will probably cause only more harm. I feel like a poison in their lives, my depression leaks and infects them. I don't want to be a burden. I want to be free of my problems and I want them to be free of my problems as well, and go on with their lives.
    But I grieve the pain I will cause them with suicide as well.
  10. Guilt tripping people in order to try to keep them alive, is not a good way of support.

  11. Danni, of course people here on SF want to support people as much as possible, which is a good thing. However, alot of people here do not have good families and good friends around them. Sometimes, their lives are so bad, that they cannot be content coping with only having support online. They need to have in-person support beyond what this site offers, which they may not have. If it becomes too much for them to deal with, they will make whatever decision which they feel will help them "escape" from those problems. It is wrong for us to say, "If you suicide, we will be hurt. Shame on you for wanting to hurt us. How dare you!", which essentially is what the original two posts state.
  12. Aleth

    Aleth Well-Known Member

    Maybe its right to feel the guilt. I think about it today and I just can't stop crying. To hurt the people I love kills me. I don't know what to do.
  13. famous.last.words

    famous.last.words Forum Buddy

    Nice one on the posts, they are very thought provoking and interesting. Hopefully they will help bring many others back from the edge.

    With regard to the suicide as selfish, suicide IS selfish. I know that as an attempter, and i dont think i realised it so much before. People who dont like hearing that are normally the people who hurt the most others if they commit suicide, because they are not truely facing up to what they will leave behind, and that is selfish in itself.
    Its not a case of guilting people into staying alive, its a reality check. Its "you may feel like utter shit, but THIS will be the result of your actions. Can you accept that?"

    When my boyfriends dad killed himself he left behind 4 children. 15, 13, 11 and 6 months. They needed there dad and he has a responsibility to them and he left. That is pure selfish, no other way about it.
  14. resistance

    resistance Staff Alumni

    Gosh, that made me cry. :(
  15. Light_In_The_Dark

    Light_In_The_Dark Well-Known Member

    I really liked the article and my objective thought is that suicide is selfish, but there is a little important part that should be more used in life. The part that I call "prevention": educating society and helping a friend who suffers from suicidal thoughts. From my example, when my classmates see me angry and sad they start calling me an emo, they encourage me to harm myself, to kill myself("couse the NORMAL people will have more air to breathe") etc etc and that's their "joke" that lasts over a year. People should be sensitive, care about others, to know wen a joke breaks the borders and becomes an abuse. I think that society (especially teens around 13-20 yrs) should be educated about that and learn how they can help and defend people. World has became a cold, insensitive place. And while i type this, i hear a immortal quote from Bob Dylan's song:"How many roads most a man walk down, before you call him a man?"
  16. Mordred

    Mordred Member

    Well, I'll think, yes. And my thoughts will be: "Do
    I own something to this people? Do I really?"

    The hell with everybody! I accept only oaths I've taken.
  17. Casey.

    Casey. Well-Known Member

    I am actually offended by this. The love of my life died two years ago, and of course at her funeral the thoughts of "I will never get to interact with her again" but there were also "what the hell could I have done to stop her?" I have been to my fair share of funerals, Kurt, and one of them was a murder. I was not crying for the person who was murdered. I was crying because someone in this world, anyone, would want to kill him. I think you are very wrong.

  18. Casey.

    Casey. Well-Known Member

    Once again, I would like to stress that this was not posted to turn into a debate. As the OP, I ask that any debates of suicide be taken to the Soap Box. I really am not in the mood to reply to everyone's post with a "Well, in my personal experience...". This thread was meant to help people, and if it doesn't help a particular person, that is far beyond my control. We have a soap box for a reason. Please use it.
  19. I can only speak for myself as someone who's "survived" two suicides within my own immediate family (leaving out a few uncles on my dad's side)...I felt no personal guilt (in not having been able to do more) nor did I blame, let alone deem it selfish that both my father as well as my older brother chose this route (nevermind that the concept of "choice" can be quite subjective and debatable - depending on the individual).

    The overwhelming feeling for myself was that I could (that is, I "chose to") acknowledge their excruciating pain - a pain I would never wish on anyone, nor want (let alone demand) someone I loved to continue suffering through - and which I myself have also felt. Such pain is as deeply and uniquely individual as there are people upon the earth.

    And personally, as I've reflected many times throughout my own life, as well as watching others, I find it equally dismaying as infuriating whenever someone deigns to 'declare' such things as "Things will ALWAYS get better". And for people who choose not to acknowledge and address (and integrate) the notion that Life does NOT come with any guarantees, nor any "one-size-fits-all" inevitable solutions - all good and sincere wishes and efforts nothwithstanding (and not that one should refrain from such, but) - it can also be rather quite hubristic (which is just as "selfish" in what I've encountered). And that 'hubris' can often impart its own brand of suffering - as only true compassion & empathy can brings us closer (yet which many have not embraced, let alone become adept too, is a 'journey')

    <edit> took too long to type while your last message went up &Rea, but I'm not going to delete this..."debate" implies someone will become 'the winner', while "dialogue" is in my opinion progressive and thought-provoking - especially when it comes to exploring the complexities within the Human Condition & Spirit...(I don't see it as digressing, but relevant - sorry). And should it indeed be moved to Soap Box, perhaps one intention will merely be expanded upon (and is not an affront)...
    Last edited: Apr 27, 2008
  20. Casey.

    Casey. Well-Known Member

    Please read the post above you.
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