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Hello my name is Tracey,
I have suffered from anorexia since i was 15yrs old due to being sexually abuse as a child. I didn't like my body at all after being abused all those yrs. I felt that it was my faught that i was abused. I was hospitalized durring this time for a suicide attempt and was placed in long term treatment. I had no control over nothing that was happening in my life but i knew that no one could make me eat. I was weighing at 72 pounds at the age of sixteen and whe i look in the mirror all i could see was a fat, diguisting person. I adventually was tube feed until i had my strength back. It took many month to get my weight stabble again and then years to learn how to cope with and deal with my eating disorder. I was doing good at maintaning my weight and taken care of myself. On Jan 27,06 i lost my daughter Jade she was stillborn. I couldn't stand to see my stomack afterwards so i started eating less. I couldn't stand to look at my stomack because it reminded me of that traget day that i lost my daughter. My husband was starting to get concern that i wasn't so he would make sure that i ate so i started throwing up in a ziplock bag and would throw them away when he went to bed. I kept having so much pain in my stomack that i had alser from me throwing up and messed my estofagis up. (( i hope that how u spell it right)). It hurt so bad when i threw up. The past 3wks i havent aten anything. I have no appetite nor do i even get the hunger pain no more. I feel like im back to where i started when i first had the eating disorder. I know that it wont take my pain away or even make me feel better about myself but i cant seem to stop. Never would of thought that at 31 yrs old that i would be dealing with this again. I go to therapy and my therapist is helping me work threw this. I know that i am adding more stree and pain to my husband and he dont need that. He tells me over and over if i love him to please put something in my stomack. He knows how bad my eating disorder got before. I tell i love him but i just dont have no craving for food or i would. When i went to the doctors last friday im now weighing at 98pds i was 120 so he put me on ensure 6 cans a day. I try to drink them and when i do my stomack get so sick and i end up throwing up. I feel so helpless now. Please if anyone knows what might help please tell me. I feel like im losing this battle with anorexia. It the demon inside me that has seem to taken over my life now. I feel so alone in this fight because no one who i knows how it feels to suffer from this. They just think that all i need to do is eat and everything will be fine. They feel like it a choice and not a disease. Please anyone if u know what can help i would apreciate it. Thank for letting me rant


Anerexia is i spectrum disorder of OCD (obsessive compulsive disorder),so we have alot in common as i have OCD.Eating is a big part of the problem yes but getting to where you feel that you want to eat is just as big.I no in a way what you are going through and would like to help you with some techniques that have helped me overcome a large part my OCD.
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