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please reply!!

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by meh__, Jan 14, 2007.

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  1. meh__

    meh__ Well-Known Member

    okay so i guess you'll need a little background info to understand my situation.

    when i was around ten years old, i was molested by a neighbour..i never told anyone until about 3 weeks ago when i broke down and revealed it to my counsellour. somehow though, i had managed to push the memory of the molestation out of my mind for almost five years and then last year i began to remember it more and more. although, i had always had the feelings that accompy this type of event.. such as shame,guilt etc. anyway, i still dont have full memory of the event and i dont know if i really ever want to.. but tonight i was with this boy i am dating and after we "did stuff" i began crying because i felt used, although i know that i was not..i continuously apologized to the boy because i felt so embarassed for crying in front of him but he was so sweet and told me it didnt matter and he understood i was dealing with some things right now and he just held me..it was really sweet. but here are my questions:

    why was i able to repress these memories for so long and they just now are popping back into my head and affecting my life?

    and, why would i start crying after i had done stuff with this boy, ive been with other boys before but i have never had this happen to me..

    sorry this is so long, but i would reaaaaaaaalllly appreciate some feedback because i honestly am so confused right now and just want to crawl in a hole and die so i can forget anything ever happened.
  2. Allo..

    Allo.. Well-Known Member

    Just hold on hun.

    Your mind can postpone things until it thinks you are able to deal with them, perhaps thats why, or maybe its because you have the support you need now.. I think it was with this guy because these memories have come out strongly recently..

    sorry i cant be of more help, Take care _%
  3. meh__

    meh__ Well-Known Member

    nono you were alot of help:smile:
    you're probably right about my mind postponing it until i could deal with it, thats probably true because i've had the same counsellour for about two years and only now feel safe enough to tell her. thanks again i really appreciate you replying.
  4. gitana

    gitana SF Friend & Antiquitie's Friend Staff Alumni

    Hi, meh! Glad you are here. I understand and many people here do too, that when things happen when we are a child, some remember it forever until they get help, others, because of how traumatic it is, disassociate or postpone it, for survival until it is time to deal with it.

    I am glad that you have a great counselor for two years and now it has come out the right time that it is suppose to because you are trusting her now. Huge step. A first step to healing up. It is very difficult to talk about what happened to you, I know. It takes time.. and you can share as much as you want here or little, just know we are here for you to support you.

    I agree with what Allo said, perhaps it is because now you have the support in your life. and maybe you care about this boy a little more (?) or sometimes things just happen to pop up when we forget and repress them.. too painful to remember.

  5. meh__

    meh__ Well-Known Member

    thanks so much gitana.
    yeah it's really hard to talk about, i hate talking about it so much.
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