Please someone help me!

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by AUX, Mar 21, 2010.

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  1. AUX

    AUX New Member

    I am 21 years old and am blessed with everything a man/boy could want in life. I have a great family. I have a fairly well off family. Everyone I love and adore in my family. Im not being cocky but I am an a very good looking guy who was blessed with genetics. I have a few really good friends and have had my fair share of women. I was never a player type thou, I always had respect. I failed out of state school because of alcohol and other things and am living at home. My house is awesome and people would die for a place like this. I have everything I want.

    This is why is it is fucking werid, lately I have been feeling suicidal all the freaking time. I feel paranoid about people and don't know what to freaking do. I have job helping in office and making pretty good money. However lately it seems I have been drinking as the only way to feel better. I have no idea why it makes me feel better but I love the warm and numb feeling from it. I cant talk to friends about this without them calling me gay and I stopped taking my lexapro because I thought I was alright without it. I never really believed in depression as illness. I am really at the point of fucking not caring about others at all. I am normally a very nice person but right now I dont give two shits about anyone else including my self. I feel I have lost all hope and have no where to fucking go. If people knew this about me they would be shocked because I hide it very well. I just need help beside someone telling to go back on meds which im already doing. Just some words that help you get thru. Sex doesnt make me feel better anymore, Drinking only does a little, drugs help alot but they last a short time. I know Im looking in all the wrong places for happiness. But believe I have looked inside myself and found nothing worth while. I am a complete waste of earth. If I wasnt so much a pussy I would do suicide. The only thing that stops me is the thought of my family hurt and it would devestate my parents. I am so close. The only time I come close is when im really drunk and dont give a fuck. I only want everything to disappear, I would rather see no one and have a bottle whiskey and a dark room. I know this is fucked up but please help.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 21, 2010
  2. AUX

    AUX New Member

    thanks for the help. I appreciate it. I think what you said is all we can do. Im not trying to sound like a complainer. The fact that I have many good things such as family and home is what makes me feel worse for fucking feeling this way. I know I have no reason to feel this way but I cant help it. So it just feeds of itself. I know it is not normal to want to be alone all the time and drunk or high but it seems to be the only way that I feel better. Even when I am around friends drinking or having good time I feel completely alone and isolated. It is the worst feeling you can imagine.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 21, 2010
  3. ~CazzaAngel~

    ~CazzaAngel~ Staff Alumni

    Hi, Hun. Welcome to the forum. First of all, depression does not discriminate. No conditions do. There is such thing as depression without awful events; it's a condition. Sure, maybe you have better material things and a better status, but that doesn't mean you are any happier. Material possessions can make life a lot easier in some ways, but it's not a cure, or something that makes true happiness. You shouldn't bash yourself because you may have had a better life in some ways. I can't say I have magic words, or a magic cure for you, but if you need to talk, I'm around just PM me. :hug:
     
  4. AUX

    AUX New Member

    Thank you so much for the help. I tried Pm and didnt work. I hope you did not get wrong idea about person I am. I know what is really important in life is people and the bonds you make. I normally love people and have a great outlook towards other. I want to become a phys to help others with there problems. Just I cannot help how I feel. Look at Heath Ledger for example of a person who people think had it all and he was just a depressed asshole like anyone else. I just dont know anyone I can talk to about this.
     
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