please someone help..

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by OldyoungIrishman, Feb 28, 2011.

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  1. ive tried starting this paragraph 100 times in my head, i guess to start off my name is william. i dont really even know where to begin.. I am 18 and i just want it all to be over. its so hard to choose where to start, where everythings gone wrong. Every day ive just move progressively more and more towards suicide. please someone help me. ive reached out to those in my life and no one has given a damn about anything. people i thought were my friends essentially told me to piss off, saying they had their own problems with girls/boys or other highschool drama. yes i am in highschool and i know so many other people are suffering worse than me in this world and i know how horribly selfish i am but i just cant see a reason to go on. everyday im given more and more cause to hate myself and my life and just want to end it. pretty much all my life ive been told im not good enough for anything. i know im not good enough for anyone or anything im socially awkward and im always that 'loser" everyone knew from their highschool. whether it be my father, making his offhand comments how im not doing things right, my grades arnt where they should be, my dietary habbits arnt the way he wants, my athletisim is failing, i dont deserve the life im given and im acting like a prat. that i dissapoint him at everyturn, and my favorite that i shouldnt have been born and i was mistake. then everything i do is held in regard to my brother. i have an older brother who dropped out of college, now prior to this nothing i did was as good as he did it and everyone made a fine habbit of letting me know that. now he dropped out of college nothing i do is good enough to prevent that fate from happening and everyone has made a new habbit of telling me that. daily im told im worthless from my school and teachers, always telling me its not good enough and that i should never have gone to that school. i know this all sounds childish and stupid but after 13 years of the same stuff day in and day out i just cant take it. Every person i have ever called a friend has left me. last year the young man i called me closest friend, the one i could turn to with everything died. since losing him everything has kept on going to hell. the last time i tried suicide i had a friend named mike who helped me and kept me from it. i tried talking to him hes so disgusted im contemplating killing myself again he basically wrote me out of his life... im out of people to turn to everyone i thought cared about me has just said "shut up and deal with it", ive tried to deal with it but i cant i i just cant. im sorry for the length but i want you all to know the real me. please you all are my last chance help me.. please
     
  2. doityourself

    doityourself Well-Known Member

    Well the good thing is, is that you are 18 and you can move out once you get yourself ready, focus on that, focus on getting your life in order the way YOU want it and move on.

    Im so sorry your dad is like that, understand it may be the only way he feels that will get accross to you, not that it excuses it any, but we learn from our parents and he may have gotten from his dad.

    I know its so hard, the age and the school BS, but hold your head up high, this is your life and you are you, dont be ashamed of nothing.....

    Believe me, if I could look back on the ones that told me the same things they are telling you now, lets see

    one has 5 kids and 3 of them were taken by the state because she is an unfit mother

    one is addicted to cocaine

    one has been divorced 3 times

    Just to show you that you shouldnt let others choose how you will live your life and to tell you that your not worth it.

    Welcome, your at the right spot, hope you continue to post.
     
  3. plshelpme

    plshelpme Well-Known Member

    talk to your school counselors...and talk to us...

    i know going to school counselors is hard, but you will be glad you did...

    pm me if u need anything...
     
  4. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Your father is a fool...when someone is hurting, the last thing s/he needs is more pain...that is sadistic...and about your friends under rating your pain...they are obviously immature or just as uncaring as your father...maybe find someone who is more compassionate...you do not deserve to be treated this way...and you are not a burden or a failure...you are in pain...is there a counselor in the school you can talk to or any adult in your life that has some kindness in him/her? Also, continue to post and let us know what is going on...you are very welcome here and valued...big hugs, J
     
  5. thank you all. it helps some to know that there are some people out there who know what its like. in regards to the councilor at the school, well last year i went to talk to her about some issues i was having with my parents ( they got divorced last year and well things got messy and they turned me into a pawn to use in the courts against each other, which definitely played a part in pushing me to where i am now..) well i told her i was an atheist when she said i should look to god to solve all my problems ( her words not mine ) and well when she found out i didnt believe in god well she freaked out on me and pretty much kicked me out of the office. i go to an episcopal school that was chosen by my parents who're well aware of my lack of faith. thank you all its..strange being welcomed to something, usually people either give me snide comments or just give me dirty looks when i enter somewhere.
     
  6. plshelpme

    plshelpme Well-Known Member

    i noticed you live in orange county
    to my knowledge, that's a huge place, but it's also densly populated...which means there are probably a lot of non-religious counseling options available to you...

    i am assuming money is an issue, which is the case for me...so when i reach the limit at my university, i always go to places that will see me for really cheap or free (usually $20 or less)...they're all over the place...you just have to look for them...here's a link to a yahoo question about the south part of oc...idk if that is anywhere near you...

    http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20080730162943AA2tOA4

    i hope that you can find someone help over there...


    ...when i get really bad, i always make sure there is something for me to look forward to...when there's nothing to look forward to, i create it...like, trips to some place i really like, or going to get ice cream on this day next week...usually end up going alone, but not so bad when you have/are doing something you really like...

    hang in there, okay...high school sucks...people in high school suck more...things SERIOUSLY get much better later on...ppl grow up and are much friendlier and accepting...
     
  7. Well yesterday I tried going to one of those cheaper therapy sessions you posted a link about, well the doctor wasnt much help at all. He didnt offer anything in the way of advice or wisdom on why there is even a reason to keep living. it felt more like a stereotypical scene out of some movie with him just grunting occaisonally and finishing it off by saying hmm we made progress now talk to your parents about this and see me again. a statement which not 5 minutes prior to this i had told him when i last had a complete emotional breakdown in front of my family they locked me in my room until i had calmed down and treated me like i didnt exist and that the event never happened. Honestly these doctors, these supposed "specialists", if they cant help me then what is the point of living. what is the point of just putting on a fake smile and going around acting like life is fine so i can end up at a dead end job i hate all to make money so i can live through my golden years then just die. theres no point to it all its so much better for me to just end my pain now then have to keep suffering through years of it. im so tired of putting on a facade for the world while im already dead inside. life would be so much better if it ended.
     
  8. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    Really sorry you're in so much pain. :hug: It's frustrating when a counselor or therapist has been told that a large part of the problem is your parents, and yet they tell you to go talk things out with them. Hope you'll keep posting, you're always welcome here.
     
  9. doityourself

    doityourself Well-Known Member

    Dont give up, some doctors just dont understand what depression feels like, theyve just read about it in books.

    I will say only you can come up with the reason for living, look around you Im sure you have many, it can just be hard to see sometimes.

    Keep posting
     
  10. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    It sounds like your parents have degraded you alot.. This doesn't help your self esteem..Have you thought about joining the military?? They will help you regain your self esteem and give you pride.. You can get guarantees to what you would want to do in there and you can get a guarantee for your first stripe out of boot camp..Just a thought.. When I joined the marines they made a man out of me and made me feel alot of pride in myself...
     
  11. plshelpme

    plshelpme Well-Known Member

    sorry the counselor sucked...
    but i encourage you to try a different one...i have gone through 5 or 6 therapists, and i FINALLY found one that works for me...i always give them 4 weeks...if i don't like them by then, or if they're doing nothing for me by then, i try a new one...i know it sucks...

    military isn't a bad idea...either is college...it would probably do you some good to get away from your family, even if it's just for a week...you will be surprised how much of a difference it makes!
     
  12. doityourself

    doityourself Well-Known Member

    I to agree with military, my h was in Navy and even though he had to go away often, life seemed so much simplier back then, it was all planned out for you, the bills were paid, you knew when your paycheck was in bank, and you knew what tomorrow would bring.
     
  13. I've currently been looking to join the Marine Corps, although i have always had rather poor health and recently a bout with bronchitis has my prospects for being allowed in looking slim.
     
  14. doityourself

    doityourself Well-Known Member

    Im sorry with about that, hopefully that wont mean you cant serve, they say the marines are very hard to get in, can you try another branch?
     
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