I was put in prison to stop me trying to take my life as you can see Im out now I did also lash out and kick a copper. But my point is I wanted to die amd I still do stuff them though there not going to stop me. I hate my life to much crap to much pain I just want to die.
Many many years ago I tried to kill myself by ODing with a very poweful hynotic. I took all I had and it would have been enough to kill me... except that part of me still wanted to live because, you see, I had locked my front door but not my storm door, and my mother had the key to my front door. When she knocked and got no answer she let herself in and found me and called the medics. The doctor who worked on me told me afterward that I had come very close to dying. I was, of course, at the time, NOT happy to find myself still breathing and living and cussed him out pretty badly. He took it calmly and just told me plainly that HIS job was to SAVE lives, even the ones - like mine - who didn't want to be saved. I was mad at him for quite some time as my life seemed such a mess as to be unworthy of continuing. Later I came to realize that there was a reason I had been saved, not to mention my failure to lock that storm door. I still don't know the reason I'm still here but after I'd had time to reflect on it I went back to the hospital and apologized to the doctor for being so rude to him and that I was now glad he saved my life.
Please try to understand/believe that even if you don't know it, there's a reason you're living. You occupy a specific place and time in this world, in this universe, and whether you know it or not, you have a reason for being here now. I understand how you are feeling. I've felt that way many many times, still do sometimes. But I no longer want to kill myself. I was put on earth for a reason, as were you, and whether I know it or not, I'm going to stay til I'm invited to leave. Please seek professional help. It can help a great deal. I'm on meds and see a counselor regularly and it helps me a lot. PLease seek help for yourself as I believe that EVERY life is worth saving.