please talk me out of this

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by xXxSomeonexXx, Dec 22, 2011.

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  1. xXxSomeonexXx

    xXxSomeonexXx Active Member

    ugh. i've been feeling completely and utterly depressed for like 3 weeks straight now. Nothing to cheer me up. I've been suicidal off and on for at least 4 years now. Since i was 13, i knew i wouldn't live till i was 18. I guess i sorta planned it like that. Well i'm 17 now. And i'm planning on doing it in January. I have everything together and everything planned out and letters all written. All i need is the place and time and i'm good. Is there any way anyone here could talk me out of it? idk...i just don't wanna feel alone with this, like everything else. :sad:
     
  2. windlepoons

    windlepoons Well-Known Member

    I am sorry you are feeling this way.

    Do not let a long-standing plan become a prison, let that thought go. Consider your current situation and ask yourself 'what is between me and a future I can find peace in?'

    Please keep posting!
     
  3. xXxSomeonexXx

    xXxSomeonexXx Active Member

    i can't see myself finding peace in the future. At all. i've never had peace, since i started kindergarden (that's when the bullying started and peace was over). I don't really wanna kill myself, just wish i wasn't born. In all honesty, if my mom was smart, she would've left my dad and i wouldn't have been born. See i have an older brother and my dad wasn't there when he was born. He went home and slept on his La-z Boy chair. I asked my mom why she continued to have sex with him and she couldn't give me an answer. So i wasn't supposed to be born, you see? I don't feel like it matters if i fix her mistake.
     
  4. windlepoons

    windlepoons Well-Known Member

    You are not a mistake. You are unappreciated by ungrateful and foolish parents, at worst.

    I am so sorry your situation and your parents have left you feeling this way. But it is their issue, not yours. Please try to stop thinking of yourself as a mistake that needs fixing.

    Do you live with your Mom?
     
  5. xXxSomeonexXx

    xXxSomeonexXx Active Member

    yeah but i have to see my ass of a dad every weekend! and every wednesday. i'm only grateful he isn't a drunk or a druggy. But EVERYONE agrees he's an ass. All we ever talk about is dieting and calories and my grades! otherwise we're silent. And he always talks over me and ignores me. But i know things could be worse, so i'm trying not to complain, but that's hard.
     
  6. windlepoons

    windlepoons Well-Known Member

    Sounds like my Dad.

    Say in the future, you get a job that allows you to move out, eventually get a partner who makes you feel good. Do you think these things are possible?
     
  7. xXxSomeonexXx

    xXxSomeonexXx Active Member

    idk. maybe. i know i'm moving out when i go to college. and i don't like guys and i'm having a hard time accepting liking girls. Both my parents are homophobes! But most of my best friends are gay, too. So i talk to them about that sometimes....
     
  8. windlepoons

    windlepoons Well-Known Member

    Then you have college to look forward to, and the peace and quiet and new friends that hopefully you will find.
    As far as being gay, just do not force anything, let it happen but do not let your parents dictate your sexual identity. They can accept you, or not. If not, they have a problem, you do not.
     
  9. xXxSomeonexXx

    xXxSomeonexXx Active Member

    but college is a year and a half away....and i just keep thinking "what if i end up like all the other unhappy people out there?" i have a billion "What if's".....but thanks for talking to me. I'm over the suicidalness for the moment (over 12 long hours) and look it's 7 AM! But i'm still kinda depressed. At least my best friend is coming over today. And we are ordering pizza! But last summer, she got MS (multiple sclerosis) and now she can't even really walk.... :concern:
     
  10. windlepoons

    windlepoons Well-Known Member

    Glad you are feeling better.
    Oh I am sorry about your friend. But you have a friend in real life, that is something!
    'What ifs' are unhelpful, as you can probably tell...

    1.5 years feels like ages but it will be worth it, I am sure.
     
  11. xXxSomeonexXx

    xXxSomeonexXx Active Member

    It's ok. I have a few best friends in real life. Real good friends too! Unfortunately, my feet are still dangling over the edge of the cliff (metaphorically)... *sigh*
     
  12. windlepoons

    windlepoons Well-Known Member

    I understand. But you can see that your life has potential, you have a way forward though it is sometime away...
     
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