You'll have heard this a hundred times before probably, but I just don't know who else to talk to. It's dumb... my whole life I always knew exactly what I wanted to do and be when I grew up. I had big dreams and I was a really major Christian so I loved life and all. And then I met and fell in love with an atheist, and my whole view of life just changed... I still believe in God, but it's hard for me to talk to him anymore. And my boyfriend just didn't want me anymore, and we broke up. He has so many other girls as friends, but even before we were "going out", he treated me differently than them.. worse. I don't know. Ughh. I always had lots of friends though, you know? I was always surrounded by people who I believed loved and supported me, despite my boyfriend's occasional nastiness. Then this year all my friends had left my school, and I didn't have anyone anymore. The only friend from school I stayed friends with moved to New Zealand today. I used to have friends from other places, but I just feel so repulsive... I think they are only my friends because they pity me... they'd tell me that's not true, but they're all fake as hell anyway. So I've been really low in general, and then today I didn't go to work, so I've probably lost my job. I don't even know why I didn't go. I just didn't feel like facing people. I wanted that job so badly and I was so happy when I got it, and it's not that bad really, I just... ugh. I just hate being anywhere where there are people. I feel like everyone's staring and being like "Hey, who let that freak go out in public?" I am just upsetting everybody. My parents are so great, but they are just despairing of me now. I'm upsetting my mum so much and I feel so incredibly bad about it, I feel like since I'm bringing this much sadness to her, why am I even alive. I'm sorry... you're probably completely uninterested in my idiotic life... I wish I could just die naturally. Like, that I'd suddenly get hit by thunder or something. I just want to die. I don't get why I'm here.