Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Kit., Dec 7, 2006.

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  1. Kit.

    Kit. New Member

    You'll have heard this a hundred times before probably, but I just don't know who else to talk to.

    It's dumb... my whole life I always knew exactly what I wanted to do and be when I grew up. I had big dreams and I was a really major Christian so I loved life and all. And then I met and fell in love with an atheist, and my whole view of life just changed... I still believe in God, but it's hard for me to talk to him anymore. And my boyfriend just didn't want me anymore, and we broke up. He has so many other girls as friends, but even before we were "going out", he treated me differently than them.. worse. I don't know. Ughh.
    I always had lots of friends though, you know? I was always surrounded by people who I believed loved and supported me, despite my boyfriend's occasional nastiness.
    Then this year all my friends had left my school, and I didn't have anyone anymore. The only friend from school I stayed friends with moved to New Zealand today. I used to have friends from other places, but I just feel so repulsive... I think they are only my friends because they pity me... they'd tell me that's not true, but they're all fake as hell anyway.
    So I've been really low in general, and then today I didn't go to work, so I've probably lost my job. I don't even know why I didn't go. I just didn't feel like facing people. I wanted that job so badly and I was so happy when I got it, and it's not that bad really, I just... ugh. I just hate being anywhere where there are people. I feel like everyone's staring and being like "Hey, who let that freak go out in public?"

    I am just upsetting everybody. My parents are so great, but they are just despairing of me now. I'm upsetting my mum so much and I feel so incredibly bad about it, I feel like since I'm bringing this much sadness to her, why am I even alive.

    I'm sorry... you're probably completely uninterested in my idiotic life... I wish I could just die naturally. Like, that I'd suddenly get hit by thunder or something. I just want to die. I don't get why I'm here.
  2. stillhere

    stillhere Active Member

    Hey Kit,
    Hang in there,

    I know exactly what you mean. Um. can you talk to any friends in real life. Hpws New Zealand? Its hard.

    Your obviously going through a downer in your life...maybe see a PSYCHOLOGIST is the best option. I defin. recommend it.

    Don't worry about the religion too much hun!
  3. jane doe

    jane doe Well-Known Member

    you came here for the same reasons we all did, we need suport and a reason to stay alive. I didn´t go to work today and the hole week so you can take or not what i´m going to say.
    here we all are for reciving support, here we try to find any reason to keep going, and most of the people that is here doesn´t have any friend. there are someones who hurt themselves like me. other that just don´t want to live anymore and there are people who need to get out all the bad feelings that they have inside.Most of us not only find support, we find friends too. i think you want to live but you need to change your life. i´m atheist to, that´s the reason i value life...because i don´t believe we have another. if your parents are so great will you left them alone? will you make them lose what they love most? You must think you lose yourself when you lost your boyfriend and all your friends, but you must think that this is a great chance to make newones, to meet people to discover that there is a lot of people that can be much better that the oldones. and you didn´t lose your fiend the one that moved to new zeland you can talk by msn or write him letters or emails. so i think this is your opportunity to change your life and make of it something greater.
    if you want to talk with me pm on me. i´m sorry for my english. Take care.
  4. helena

    helena Staff Alumni

    Hi Kit :)
    first, welcome to the forum :smile:
    I am interested in your life,and wont judge wether it's stupid or not, as a matter of fact I find life in general stupid, mostly.But,I think it's possible to bring it to a liveble(don't mind my english,I allways make woords up) level. It is a shame you lost all your friends, and I know how difficult it is to make new ones, but I think it's possible, it takes time and of course you will have to interact with people to achieve that.
    I think maybe you need some professional help, as you seem to be very down. Those feelings of not wanting to be around people and worry about hurting your beloved ones with the way you feel appears to me like depression, probably a reaction to the emotional distress that loosing bf, friends can bring along.I know you might feel like your mom would be better off without you, but I think she would want to help you. As a mother myself I know that I would do everything to keep my daughter around, and never , ever have the feeling I would be better off without her,specially if she is suffering herself.
    Well, this all to tell you that it would never be better for you to die, and I hope you get the help you need to get out of such sad times, and I hope you find this a good place to make a start, make some friends and find people to listen to you and maybe help you head towards better times.
    hope to "see" more of you when you're up to,
  5. maximus

    maximus New Member

    Last edited by a moderator: Dec 8, 2006
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