please

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by MoAnamCara, May 4, 2016.

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  1. MoAnamCara

    MoAnamCara SF Artist

    why can't this stop? why can't I be better? Normal or whatever that is? why can't I just stop? It all needs to stop, please. I hate to post again. I'm at work. But I've shut all doors and can't handle atm. Too much to do, too much on my mind. I can't do anything, can't concentrate on anything. I'm just here, physically. When is it time to call it? Last night I spent a lot of time looking into methods again. I'm very scared to do this. I can't fail when I try. no other options.
     
  2. Steve599

    Steve599 New Member

    I feel your pain. Just don't do it. I'm here on this forum because I'm having the same thoughts. I'm no expert, and all I can do is encourage you to take a few deep breaths and maybe call a close friend if there's someone like that you trust. I'm n any event, I want you to stay alive and keep fighting the good fight. And I don't even know who you are, a man or a woman -- just that you're a human being in pain and I'm pulling for you. Glad that you reached out; hope this response helps even a tiny bit.
     
  3. ThePhantomLady

    ThePhantomLady Safety and Support SF Supporter

    I'm sorry you feel this way hun.

    Can you take some deep breaths, and take a small break to get yourself focused again? It sounds like you're very overwhelmed right now.

    Do you have a therapist or counselor you can call? Can you get some help?
     
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  4. MoAnamCara

    MoAnamCara SF Artist

    Thank you both.
     
  5. MisterBGone

    MisterBGone Well-Known Member

    I hope you're feeling a little bit better now. :) You deserve some relief!
     
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  6. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Hello there, I am sorry work was so stressful for you but know we are here for you. Please stop researching methods, maybe research a new hobby or new interest, i'm sure you will be able to find one. Don't give up on yourself. You're worth more than you give yourself credit for.
     
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  7. MoAnamCara

    MoAnamCara SF Artist

    Thank you petal, misterbgone...

    I'm away so I thought what I was feeling was going to change. Foolish me. Perhaps it was providing hope, but who knows. I'm in a location with many floors and last night all I could think was that it'd only take one step. I could see it in my mind, taking that step. I kept looking down from where I am. It wouldn't physically put anyone else in harms way which is important to me.

    I keep repeating myself and its old and I'm tired. Perhaps I'll never act on these thoughts, I haven't gone thorough with anything. I've been close and started things but then stopped. I know I'm scared. If I don't do it right and so on.

    I don't have any answers, only the ultimate one. I'm not saying it's correct, I can logically understand it most likely is not. It has been a couple of years but I'm still grieving for my other half and the other people that were close to me in my life who died around the same time. It's like my existence was wiped out. There is no history with anyone anymore, no one to recollect with. The ptsd abuse stuff is ongoing. Still.

    I just feel wiped out by everything. Sorry I've gone on a bit too much. Tonight or this morning I feel very alone with all of this.
     
  8. MisterBGone

    MisterBGone Well-Known Member

    No Mo, that's perfectly fine, don't worry about sharing some of your troubles! That actually helps me out--in order to better understand where you're coming from. It all starts to make more sense, in the sense that you've had a lot of bad things happen lately, and it doesn't seem like there is much relief ahead around the corner. I can understand your frustration and your pain, or try to slightly relate in this way when I think of myself in those same shoes. It's been a couple of years? I know that that sounds like a short time but can still seem like a lifetime when you're going through such extraordinary, excruciating pain. The thoughts that you have had are quite natural and human, given the situations you're in.

    But maybe one day you'll meet someone with whom you can relate to, and perhaps express yourself in such a way that you can start to heal these wounds, and give new meaning to your life. Begin to find and discover a new world of sorts, so to speak... I know it gets hard as we age. The attitude of defeat greets us more readily, and our energy or fuel for life seems at times, to evaporate. But perhaps one day the suffering can stop hurting quite so much.
     
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  9. MoAnamCara

    MoAnamCara SF Artist

    Misterbgone, thank you... You just brought tears to my eyes, in a good way. Thanks for your words.
     
  10. brknsilence

    brknsilence Well-Known Member

    Hope you're doing alright. Know we're always here. Don't give up hope. Keep reaching out
     
  11. MoAnamCara

    MoAnamCara SF Artist

    Thank you brknsilence for responding.
     
    brknsilence likes this.
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