Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Xistence, Feb 12, 2008.

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  1. Xistence

    Xistence Well-Known Member

    I can't get away from the suicidal thoughts...

    I have been trying to destract myself, but it doesn't work all that well. I have an appointment with a psychiatrist on Monday, and I really need to last until then. Anyone?

    Sorry for taking up your time. I just don't want to have to say goodbye to anyone. :sad:
  2. nagisa

    nagisa Chat & Forum Buddy Staff Alumni

    Just try to hold out until then. Trying to get help is wonderful. I'm proud of you. :hug:
  3. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Hey Xistence, I hope you hold on until the appointment hun! I'm sure there are lots of things you could do to try and distract yourself, maybe talk to a friend in person or call one, create a blog with all your thoughts in it, or staying around here at Sf may help you, either way, i hope you can pull through until then, stay safe hun :hug:
  4. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    I know you can make it to that appointment hun. Have faith in yourself. You are seeking out help. Don't give up before you can receive it. Let us know how things go. We will be waiting to hear from you. :hug:
  5. Dave_N

    Dave_N Guest

    Hang in there Xistence. This will get better soon...
  6. Xistence

    Xistence Well-Known Member

    That is what I keep telling myself, but the thoughts won't go away.

    "Where do you run to escape from yourself?"

    I hope the appointment helps.
  7. Xistence

    Xistence Well-Known Member

    :sad: I can't stand to look in the mirror. Valentine's day was just a sad reminder of how hideous I am.

    I have actually managed to push back some of the suicidal thoughts by messaging a few friends. :) I love them so much, but I am still worthless trash.

    Only 3 nights and 2 days left until my appointment.
  8. Dave_N

    Dave_N Guest

    You're a beutiful person xistence. Don't forget that.
  9. Xistence

    Xistence Well-Known Member

    sorry for posting again...

    I can't take it anymore. I can't take the pain. :sad:
    I don't know what to do...
  10. Bigman2232

    Bigman2232 Well-Known Member

    This may just sound stupid but try and find a show or some movies that you really love. This helps with me so I'm just suggesting it to you. I'm currently watching every episode of House in order and although the thoughts are still there, I'm getting enough pleasure to keep me around a little longer.

    So if tv or movies is not your thing, find what is and just try doing it enough to keep you until your appointment.
  11. dazzle11215

    dazzle11215 Staff Alumni

    i was very close to attempting again right before the psych appt, i think it was some kind of "backlash" against seeking help, i dunno, it was like i was scared to die and wanted help, but i was also scared about getting better... it's hard to explain. i thought to myself "this is my last chance to go through with it" ....

    all i did was take it hour by hour, and minute by minute. i distracted myself with everything possibe, the internet, scramble, napping, walking, emailing friends and the samaritans, the chat room here at SF, you name it.

    it's been a month now since i reached out for help and i no longer think about suicide 24/7 ... it's such a relief that the really really strong urges have left me. of course, i'm stll sad and all, but it's nowhere near as bad as it was.

    please hang in there and let the docs try to help. good luck monday, and don't forget, be as honest as you can. if for some reason you don't 'click' with the psych, don't worry, there is another one for you, i only mention this 'cos i didn't get on with my first psych but found another more suitable for me.
  12. liveinhope

    liveinhope Well-Known Member

    i know those feelings of depair hun and its a very lonely and often frightening place to be, i hope your appointment goes well and im also pleased to read that you eill be seeing a professional person that will help you back to recovery it may take a while so be patient with the treatment, but if you need to talk in those black days feel free to pm happy to talk with you
    take care and good luck
  13. Xistence

    Xistence Well-Known Member

    I'm still on the same meds... I should have said so much more...

    sorry for posting again...

    Everyone will be better off without me.. :sad:

    I think I am going to just kill myself.
  14. dazzle11215

    dazzle11215 Staff Alumni

    hey xistence, didn't go well at the appt? sorry to read it... but this doesn't mean that you can't get some support. you might have had more you wanted to say, i left my appt feeling the same way. in fact, i felt so bad i came home and got drunk... but i'm not giving up. i want to die, but i don't want to die as well.... so i'm gonna keep trying to untangle this. i hope you can too
    it's not true that the world would be better off without you, not true at all. that's depression speaking. if nothing else, there is only one you, and there is a perspective unique to you that you bring to the world. how you choose to express it down the road who knows - maybe with your kind, compassionate words here you have helped save someone else's life... maybe you have poetry or a book in you... maybe art. i don't know, i just know the world would be poorer without you in it, although you can't believe me right now, trust me, i'm right!
    thinking of you in these dark times,
  15. Xistence

    Xistence Well-Known Member

    Thank you, but I'm not worth kindness.

    I made a promise that I wouldn't kill myself as long as my friend is alive. I said I would always be there for her and I meant it. If I were to kill myself, I have a suspicion that she would follow, and I can't let that happen.

    I wish I could get rid of the suicidal thoughts and pain...
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