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Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by lost_child, Jan 19, 2009.

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  1. lost_child

    lost_child Well-Known Member

    I need sleep, another nite of no sleep. Bad thoughts, imaging my own death, seeing me hooked up to tubes and then dying. seeing my funeral, the songs being played. I'm so scared of what I might do if I don't get some sleep. I can't stop the memories, new memories, making my body hurt, feeling the pain, relving the pain. remembering. 2 years ago I was sexually attacked by 5 men, the security guard told me not to report it as he cut the ties from my neck. Remembering 3 years ago being raped, can only remember parts of the evening, and its scares me, how in 3 months i was raped twice, once by a friend's brother and then by a friends friend who I don't know. Everything that has ever happened is happening all the time now. the pain hurts. painkillers won't ease it. nothing wil lhelp. i need to sleep forever.

    please I don't know what wlse to do. i feel sick. i've got a headache. please/
  2. sudut

    sudut Well-Known Member

    Lost Child I am sorry to hear that you had to go through this. This must really hurt; i don't even know what to say. As a man, I apologize on behalf of those men who messed up your entire life. May you find a reason to go on and I hope you will bring healing to many who have gone through similar trials. Indeed this life is short. I try not to be too attached to anything here, not even my body. you are not your body. the real you which inhabits eternity was not hurt by these men.
  3. lost_child

    lost_child Well-Known Member

    I've just been told that I will be referred to the Brencly unit for people with severe personaility disorders. its apprentely an intensive 3 days a week group therapy programme for one year, I'm not sure I can cope with tihs. I don't understand.
  4. helena

    helena Staff Alumni

    It doesn't have to be bad, I think.... maybe you could try to get more information about
    the programme, and i don't know, if it at some moment doesn't seem to work see it from there.
    I'm sure that other people have some advice, or can relate.
    Take good care of you :)
  5. lost_child

    lost_child Well-Known Member

    I read the website, it terifies me. It scares me, I don't like it. I can't do it. I feel sick the thought of it, I just can't. my family wil understand I'm sure of it, they have to. I can't do this. i'm so sorry. I just can't do this. I don't want to hurt others, that's what can happen. I don't want to take this risk. i'm sorry. I shouldn't ever have been
  6. Acy

    Acy Mama Bear - TLC, Common Sense Staff Member Safety & Support

    Lost Child...I'm so sorry to hear things are hurting you so much right now. I can imagine that reading the website would make you feel scared of what happens at the meetings.

    I'm sure the meetings are set up to help people grow and become comfortable with them. I think that's part of it, hun. I'm sure that everyone else will be scared at first, too. The people who run the meetings know how to help all of you. They will moderate the meetings and stop people from saying or doing hurtful things, too.

    Please, don't give up. Give the intensive therapy a try. I hope you can just take the next little while moment by moment. :hug:

  7. soliloquise

    soliloquise Well-Known Member

    xxxx jodi

    the treatment place " may " be a godsend.. you've been praying for change and help.. maybe it may help you?
    scary? yes.. but the space you are in now is terrifying you. forget their stupid labels.. they like to put people in boxes. all that matters imo is you grasp the help you can.. every scrap.. to get your life back.
  8. lost_child

    lost_child Well-Known Member

    I'm scared. I don't do groups, I can't connect with people so why would they want to send me with a group of 25 people, mixed people. I can't do that. what happens if one of them attacks me. I just can't do this. it won't help though will it. I'm too scared of groups. I can't do this. I just want to sleep forever and never wake up. I want to take all the pills in my house, all the pills I've brought today and just die. I don't know how to do this.
  9. soliloquise

    soliloquise Well-Known Member

    they wont attack you in a group with group leaders etc.. an d probably many are or have been in your position. you could ask to go in a smaller one at first maybe? not sure how they work to be honest? or ask them if you can go one to one for a while? please dont take anymore pills
  10. soliloquise

    soliloquise Well-Known Member

    if it is this one:


    to be honest it looks really good if you can get over your fears

    At the hub is the Brenchley Unit Therapeutic Community. This is a day therapeutic community situated in Maidstone town centre. It provides 24 patients at any one time with an intensive 3 days a week group therapy programme for one year. Referrals are patients who have severe longstanding problems and who have been in adult mental health services for one year or more. Prior to entering the therapeutic community, patients attend a prep group for 6 consecutive weeks to prepare them for membership of the community. Members who complete the full year programme are invited to join a leavers group to consolidate their gains. "

    the prep thing will ease you in and that is good...

    "The group treatment programme allows members and therapists to cooperate in exploring those issues and difficulties that arise in our developing relationships. Within this mutual situation members can begin to trust and to be trusted, to give and receive support and to feel valued.

    The service offers advice, supervision, consultation and support to other mental health workers.

    The Brenchley Unit won the Health & Social Care Award in 2004 for the most outstanding Mental Health Team in Britain.

    they seem to be good... i would contact your SW or the unit and ask the questions you want to.. and tell them your fears. they may be able to help you out. i know its scary but so is living like you are... and you have been through far worse in what happened to you... you may get the support there you need and meet some really good people ? x
  11. soliloquise

    soliloquise Well-Known Member

    sorry to post again but just seen this:

    The Outreach Service constitutes the spokes of the Personality Disorder service providing assessments, advice, supervision, consultation and weekly therapy groups in:

    * Swale/Sittingbourne;
    * Medway;
    * Sevenoaks/Tonbridge/ T. Wells;
    * Swanley/Gravesend/Dartford

    ask thenm about outreach instead... that wil be one to one


    http://www.tva2i.net/training/Kent 05 evaluation.htm

    The service also provides supportive individual therapy to some clients who are unable or unavailable for the community programme.

    so you COULD ask for the individual...
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 19, 2009
  12. lost_child

    lost_child Well-Known Member

    Thank you for this, I wil speak to them on Wednesday if I make it. I'm not sure at the moment, the whole thing scares me so much. Its all I keep thinking about. I don't want to be hurt anymore. I keep reliving the past as it is. I don't want to be hurt anymore.
    I wil look at the sites you have posted, i think i mneed to sleep. its been along time since i slept. can i speak to you? its ok if not i do undersatnd. sorry.
  13. soliloquise

    soliloquise Well-Known Member

    yea course you can.. do you mean call? i have to be online until 7 but you can call then if it would help? x
  14. SpencerA

    SpencerA Well-Known Member

    severe personality disorder? do they think you had a personality disorder before the incidents or developed it afterwards? perhaps if you feel able to in the future you might want to try cognitive behaviourtal therapy.. i've had a couple of sessions and its helped me with acceptance and moving forward in life, even though it primarily focusses on the present as opposed to the past like councilling tends to. i know it sounds scary and daunting, but things can only get better and you'll get the support you need and deserve which will do you good. i'm here if you ever want to talk, xxx
  15. lost_child

    lost_child Well-Known Member

    I don't mind...I don't even know.

    They haven't said when I think first they have to refer me to the unit, then its some sort of assessment but its all too foggy for me to be honest. I was going to try CBT but my counsellor at the time said it woudln't help or work for me, as I was too "occupied" by the past. I don't know if I have the energy for any of this. i know at the moment that nobody will touch me because i'm under the crisis team, even they said it to me. I don't know. I think i'm better off out of this world. I know my family wil understand, they have to understand.
  16. soliloquise

    soliloquise Well-Known Member

    in your assessment you can ask for the one to one outreach.. explain why. if you are scared to write it out. i will help you with what to say if yo ulike. just for now try not to panic about it.. rela.. youve got enough going on... you are deffo not better off out of the world, if anyone deserves something good to happen its you x
  17. lost_child

    lost_child Well-Known Member

    Will you really help me? I keep dosing off but my body & legs keep jumping me awake. I need to sleep. I feel like i'm going to pass out, my chest is buring, my sides are hurting, i feel sick, i keep being sick. i think I am dying, I think it is time for me to leave and this is the most painful way. I smell funny, like that sicky smell that people have when thye not well. sorry. i dont know. :(
  18. Dave_N

    Dave_N Guest

    Hi Jody. I think that the Brenchley center will be a good environment for you to discuss your experiences. I'm so sorry that you were hurt by so many awful men in the past, but please don't give up. :hug:
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