Please!!!!!

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by itmahanh, Sep 17, 2009.

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  1. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    I cant. I cant take it. I have to start taking apart and packing up 19 years of my life. It's too much. Can someone please hear me and truly understand what I'm feeling right now. Please can someone just let me cry and really care about me for a second. Because I cant. So alone and all I have to help me is the comfort of knowing everything I need to kill myself to end all this is just a few feet away!!!!
     
  2. yursomedicated

    yursomedicated Chat & Forum Buddy

    i'm here for you. i'm not really sure what is going on, but you can talk to me about anything. :hug:
     
  3. Godsdrummer

    Godsdrummer Guest

    What has happened?
     
  4. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    :eek:hmy: What happened? :hug:
     
  5. Godsdrummer

    Godsdrummer Guest

    Come on now, please talk to us.
     
  6. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    My home is sold. I have to pack up everything so that the kids will have an easier time going through and deciding what to keep etc. My will states that they cankeep a few personal items of mine buit the rest is to be liquidated to cash and set up in trust fuhnds. I promised myself to stay safe til the posession date. but it hurts too much. I dont want to loose the only place that ,akes me feel safe and like i really do belong somewhere. but ontop of loosing it having to get it ready for someone else. no one here understands my family or friends .i cant do this. i didnt want this. its the last thing i had and he takes that awaty too. please it hurts too much. much easier to just end it now then watch the last of my life being taken away!!!!
     
  7. Tam

    Tam Well-Known Member

    Posted too late! Sorry
     
  8. Godsdrummer

    Godsdrummer Guest

    First of all your kids need you.

    And you know that.

    I know this hurts. Gotta hurt worse than anything...cry if you have to. Scream if you must.

    But this isnt the end. This is just the end of one phase of your life and the beginning of another.

    Right now, you can't see the tree in the forest, but it is there.

    Why not take the proceeds that you wanted to put into a trust fund, and start rebuilding your life?

    There are ways....there are always ways to resolve stuff.

    I am very worried about the tools you have nearby.

    I would very much like you to call emergency services right now, or go to the nearest safe place like a police station, fire department or hospital.

    Please....for yourself, for your kids, and even for us and for all who love you, like us, please take this time right now and get help.
     
  9. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    I know how badly you must be feeling, but please remember, your kids need you no matter what, even if you think they dont. If you cant find any other reasons to live, stay for them at least. You're a strong woman, I believe you can do it :hug:
     
  10. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    nope nope noep everythign is spinning too fast. eerything is out of control i need to cut or pop some pills i need to stop it it cant do this this is everytrhign everything and i cant

    it hits liek this i cant stop it too fast the toughts cant stop lsitenin to them cant breath voerwhelmed
     
  11. Bambi

    Bambi Well-Known Member

    I am not sure all of what is going on but I am gonna take a guess at part of it. It seems as if this move you need to do has much meaning to you and painful meaning at that.
    I believe I mentioned to you that moving is considered on of the most painful and stressful undertakings right up there with lose of a loved on and changing careers. I know I had a terrible time with my move and about needed an intervention and help in making my move as it had so much significance tied to it. Like I said I am just guessing that this apart of it hun but not sure.
    Is there in anyone that you can be candid with regarding how you are feeling and get you some help? I broke down several times during this last move and have in all previous moves so I know how painful it can be.
    Please continue to post and let us know what is going on, get all that negative crap out of your head too!
    Please a lot hide your methods so that you can not seem if you can-it is just too tempting and a reminder of an option that really sucks.
    I know you maybe reluctant to take me up on this but I may be able to fly and and help you!
    Someone was there for me once..and I want to return the kindness so please let me and us in we want to help you hun.
    LOve bambi
     
  12. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    thanks sory gota go cant sit here anymroe head out fo control too mcuh
     
  13. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    He has not taken everything away you have your children to love and receive love back from. There will be another place you can call home where your children will feel safe. You need to breath slowly and if packing is too much then leave there for awhile just leave and get out and get fresh air. Get your family to do the packing for you. Leave now just for awhile keep yourself safe if not for you your children. You are to compassionate and caring to ever put that kind of pain on your children they do not need anymore suffering in their lives they need you.
     
  14. Godsdrummer

    Godsdrummer Guest

    And listen to me....if you have already done something, then call 911 NOW!

    Please....dont put your kids thru that.
     
  15. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    I cut, made a bloody mess in the bathroom but calmed down enough to go get the litle one from daycare. But I feel it creeping back in. My oldest isnt coming home, the little one goes to bed soon and I'm so tired. Dont think I'll be able to pull it together again tonight. It's the fight inside the must do against the oh hell just leave it. It's me having to do for others again. I need to get things organized for the kids. Things are going to be hectic enough because of what is goign to take place. They dont need a house to finish up too. But in my heart i just weant to put my "baby" to bed and then do what I have planned. I cant keep pretending I cant keep going until possesion date. I cant take the hurt of everyting that is happening. I just wish someone understood. I want to die to end all this.
     
  16. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    I do understand your sense of feeling overwhelmed of wanting it all to go away. I understand that sometimes the will is not there i am there now. Just no fff hoope sometimes i understand. The only thing that keeps me here and i know you here is your children You have to focus on them right now not on the pain focus on your childs smile their unconditional love. Focus on their needs right now not your pain not you sense of being overwhelmed Put all things aside and just focus on your children and their future with you. please i do understand the feeling of wanting to run to hide to just end it all but we can't it just would not be fair to put our children in that kind of endless pain I will never pass this pain on to my child never and i know you would never want it passed on to your children years of grieve over their mothers death wondering if they had a part in it. please stay strong just do what you can and the hell with everything else. get support call your therapist let know where your head is at CALL crisis okay do what is needed to keep you safe.
     
  17. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    thuis is for my kdis as much as me. they have no fututre if im still around. i'm destroying them as mcuh as im destroyign myself. this panic fear whatever it is righ this second is unbearbel. the urge is so strong and real i feel liek i want to puke. i wnt this so bad but i'll try as hard as i can to stay here to stay safe. btu i dont see that being for long at all. i keep checking to make srue weverything is ther and waiting. this is mordid making myself wait.
     
  18. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    sorry dont knwo what i want. looking for someoen to make it better help me through it but yet in saMe breath dont want to see the sun in the morning. i cant sit her talking to myself czu dont like the answrs im hearing.
     
  19. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    sittign her alone aint doing it btu atleast i tried. feels like the crisis unit the other nite cant sit and wait got thousghts urges. they here. and only thing i got to listne to.
     
  20. Tam

    Tam Well-Known Member

    Where are you? Don't give up, keep talking.
     
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