Plodding on

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by SomeguyUk, May 2, 2013.

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  1. SomeguyUk

    SomeguyUk Active Member

    Hope, doctors, drugs, counseling. Most people mean well but I start to see a pattern with my friends. "Oh you should get professional help." One thing I have learned is 99.99% of people on this green earth do not care about your problems or are glad you have them, so they can see how well off they are doing. Perhaps that remaining 0.01% do care I have not met these people yet.

    Sometimes I find myself not caring, I live for the hope of a better tomorrow, dragging out my days on drugs and sleep. I sit in the background as that is where I feel safe, I watch other people live their lives and I always offer a helping hand to those who actually notice me in the background. Little things from offering a lift home in the rain or to whatever they need to better their lives. I love to help people, perhaps some psychologist will find some fault in that, that helping people satisfies my ego or something but I just find comfort in the fact that whatever I have done has bettered their lives, and perhaps that means my small act of driving someone home in the rain or even being nice to someone will mean that they will do someone a favor.

    Im at University and some would say my life has just begun, but I have no friends, people got stuck in groups and I tried to make friends but alas I guess I'm destined to be known as 'that guy'. Many of you may know what I am on about when I say that guy, the loner who doesn't exactly have anything wrong with him, just he is alone. Which in turn makes him socially awkward or anxious, for example these people may seem over nice or too friendly, which is just because they are lonely and are trying really hard to make friends. Alas all they can do is observe those around them go about their lives, with only themselves for company.

    There are two ways they can go, they can get angry and get lost in that anger. As they only have themselves for company it becomes a hard ditch to get out of. They get so angry with the world that they want to just get even. Releasing that anger bottled up over so many years, perhaps even their whole life. Then there are these people who are perhaps more lucky. They find religion or some spiritual meaning, for me my savior was Alan Watts. When I say savior I mean that this words and wisdom saved me from going the other way. I just found truth in his work and I took comfort in it.

    So finally back to my point. There are only a handful of people who truly understand you and only a few who want to help you. Yes Doctors have helped others in the past but what I live, breathe and feel can not be fixed by a Dr or by medication. I often find myself day dreaming about the what ifs. What if I was some great leader or hero, how much better life would be. Alas I'm destined to the back ground of life, waiting there till I'm needed. I'll try to keep going but its hard when you're alone.

    We all die twice in our lives. Once when we take our last breath, and again when the name and memory of us if forgotten and lost in time. So all one can do is live well and be good. If it doesn't work out then atleast you tried. Who knows I may die tomorrow or I might actually find a anchor to keep me in this life. Either way I wish you all the best and wish you find what you are looking for in life. If it doesn't turn out well for me and I check out, look for me in the afterlife, I'll probably be in the bar haha :very_drunk:
     
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    You are doing something great you are reaching your hand out to someone that is in need. All those small needs add up in time you know. What if don't count the what is counts
    I am sorry you feel isolated not understood perhaps isolaton is a bugger it is. I think finding this place will help you gain a voice perhaps you do not have in rl Hugs to you
     
  3. exkend

    exkend Well-Known Member

    "So finally back to my point. There are only a handful of people who truly understand you and only a few who want to help you. Yes Doctors have helped others in the past but what I live, breathe and feel can not be fixed by a Dr or by medication. I often find myself day dreaming about the what ifs. What if I was some great leader or hero, how much better life would be. Alas I'm destined to the back ground of life, waiting there till I'm needed. I'll try to keep going but its hard when you're alone. "

    Doctors (the good ones) can help, I'm talking about psychologists and psychotherapists who understand your problems and are able to shed insight. To me it sounds like you need to get out there a bit more, socialize, try different hobbies/classes etc. However I can't help but feel there are underlying unresolved issues probably stemming from abandoment issues growing up at home/school/community. I would suggest reading up on that subject. Good luck
     
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