why when your feeling so low do more destructive thoughts enter your mind. Sitting by the thames yesterday, after spending hours sitting in my car in the area where I grow up and where jim lives..I felt more needy then ever, but not safe in my own skin, I purposly went out and brought painkillers and slimming pills to end my life..I didn't take them all obviously but I did start taking them I won't say how many but it was more then you should..I tried to reach out in my own way, I did stop myself, but i'm not sure how or even why. I honestly have no friends, having just read Donethat's post its made me realise more then ever that I don't have friends not here on line, not in real life..I guess because of the nasty person I am. so why today have I automatically been out and brought more painkillers, every shop i see I go and buy more. PPl say listen to your sub-concisous right, well mine seems to be automatically leading me to shops to prepare. I honestly can't say why I'm feeling this way, why i'm doing these things..I've no idea what's going on at the moment, I'm like a lost sheep looking for something but not quite sure what...internal peace? an escape from life? reassurance? a "mum"? a "friend?, me? I honestly have no idea, nor am I sure what I need to do. I don't even know the purpose of this post, i guess I just needed to write it down to see if I can make any sense of what is happening and I can't.