pls help? I'm no longer sure.

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by lost_child, Sep 16, 2008.

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  1. lost_child

    lost_child Well-Known Member

    why when your feeling so low do more destructive thoughts enter your mind. Sitting by the thames yesterday, after spending hours sitting in my car in the area where I grow up and where jim lives..I felt more needy then ever, but not safe in my own skin, I purposly went out and brought painkillers and slimming pills to end my life..I didn't take them all obviously but I did start taking them I won't say how many but it was more then you should..I tried to reach out in my own way, I did stop myself, but i'm not sure how or even why. I honestly have no friends, having just read Donethat's post its made me realise more then ever that I don't have friends not here on line, not in real life..I guess because of the nasty person I am.

    so why today have I automatically been out and brought more painkillers, every shop i see I go and buy more. PPl say listen to your sub-concisous right, well mine seems to be automatically leading me to shops to prepare.

    I honestly can't say why I'm feeling this way, why i'm doing these things..I've no idea what's going on at the moment, I'm like a lost sheep looking for something but not quite sure what...internal peace? an escape from life? reassurance? a "mum"? a "friend?, me? I honestly have no idea, nor am I sure what I need to do. I don't even know the purpose of this post, i guess I just needed to write it down to see if I can make any sense of what is happening and I can't.
  2. jam1e

    jam1e Guest

    Sometimes our minds play tricks on us when we are not emotionally very well.

    And some people have a self destruct button that automatically gets pressed when they feel down. I know i have!!:sad:

    If you go to places that make you feel down or do things that make you feel worse, ( In my case drink!) then the world will feel a worse place.

    I try to keep myself busy and take my mind off the bad things, not always easy but better than sat thinking of the bad things.
    Hope things get better for you:smile:
  3. Oak

    Oak Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    If it helps you writing down your thoughts go ahead, re-reading them laer might come clearer. and alone you aren't. you still have me hun
    have you forgotten your 'granny' endinday?

    im always here for you. hugs and xox

    stay safe and be well. granny xx
  4. pippo

    pippo Member

    I know how you feel sometimes. Sometimes my subconscious is telling me the same kind of thing and it's actually not pleasant. I won't go into all the details right now, but I do want to say that you are here and must be for a reason. I feel that coming here and talking to people who feel similar thoughts is comforting. For one thing, it's not so isolating. It's also true that some of the people I've talked to on here are some of the nicest people I've met. If you ever see me on here and want to talk, I would love to. It's also good to go to the chatroom if you need to talk right away and no one is around. I hope you feel better soon and don't do anything too drastic.
  5. lost_child

    lost_child Well-Known Member

    I haven't forgotton you, I just don't know feel that I have the right to contact anyone as I feel I'm taken their choice away from there and I would NEVER want to do that, its not you or that I don't want to talk to you cause I do and I'm sorry.

    I've tried going into chat before but everyone seems to know everyone and I'm not good with large groups, I keep trying too but I just don't know, I'm so weak i'm sorry.
  6. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    Sweetie, you have many friends here and all we want to do is help anyway we can. Please let us. You are no worse or better than any other member here. We all hurt and all fall sometimes. But you are lucky, you have friends here who are more than willing to pick you up when you cant do it yourself. We all are capable of making choices and we choose to help you cuz you are special to us and we love ya. Jodi dont keep trying to do this all alone. You've done that for long enough and your depression will keep trying to make you do so. Take a positive step today!!! Say damn you depression I have people that care and I'm letting them in. Stand up to the bully depression hun. Hard, yes very hard, but when you do, things will start to be a little easier cuz you will be sharing the load, instead of dragging it around all by yourself.
  7. lost_child

    lost_child Well-Known Member

    Do you really believe that, that I can beat depression? I'm used to doing it alone I've never had anyone who wanted to be there, who wanted to listen, now people do I don't actually know how to..I know that sounds like an excuse, or pathetic coming from someone whose 29, but I honestly don't know. I will try but I just can't be sure. I'm meant to be back at the police tomorrow and he's back in for interviewing, I just don't feel strong enough, I'm too down to deal with this at the moment. and to top it off I'm seeing a new counsellor on friday..I know people want to help, but what happens when I try to reach out, most turn they backs and I'm scared that will happen again. I need a friend to be a friend through the bad times and good times, not just when it suits them or to meet their needs. sorry i'm not saying that about anyone heree, just in the real world.
  8. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    Well sweetie that may be the real world, but here friends are exactly what friends are supposed to be. Just keep doing what you're doing post, post and post!!! Lets us know whats going on and it lets you get it all out. Then it just happens from there hun, very little effort required on your behalf. Please be strong, I know a lot to ask with everyting you have been through and are going through. But with the help of your friends here, your strength and courage will grow hun, promise.
  9. Melancholy

    Melancholy Well-Known Member

  10. lost_child

    lost_child Well-Known Member

    I'm not so sure, I just keep buying tablets and there's nobody in real life to stop me, or to see how much I'm hurting, tomorow 'm expect to go police, then walk out and be ok and back on my own, waiting for the phone to all, waiting for someone to attack me..this world isn't safe though. I will try i just can't promise. each minute at the moment..
  11. shazzer

    shazzer Well-Known Member

  12. Dave_N

    Dave_N Guest

    Hi lost_child. Please accept help from memebers of SF. We want to help you get through this. Nearly all the members here are nice and genuinely want to help. You don't have to do this alone. :hug:
  13. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Hey Lost Child,
    Do you have any friends? You do here on the forum!! What you need is a good therapist!! They can teach you to cope. Ihave said it before I have taken all those negative thoughts and put them behind a glass wall, so i see them but don't have to deal with them. In there place I try to put positive thoughts. Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't.
    You need something to occupy your mind right now. Try volunteering somewhere for a couple of hours a day! You might try a nursing home. You will here some pretty good stories from the clients. Anything positive is worth the effort to keep in your bank of positive thoughts. Well i'll go now because my mind is wandering. Don't give up hope, maybe some posts will offer the support you truly need!! Take Care!!:chopper:!!
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