pls tell me?

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by lost_child, Jun 6, 2008.

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  1. lost_child

    lost_child Well-Known Member

    How you move on?
    How you get out of the trapped feelings?
    How you stop the suicidal thoughts?
    How do you stop the thoughts eaten away inside?
    How you can be true to yourself?

    When you wake one morning, and feel alive?
    When you feel there's a purpose to life?
    When you feel loved?
    When your thankful for life?

    2 days...and counting...I couldn't talk at counselling this morning, she says I'm in crisis point and need to keep going back, I can't afford at the moment to have a break...It was make or break today's session...I'm smiling now though cause it feels the end is near...and soon I will be at peace.
  2. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    I do not think we 'break through'...instead, I think it is a process of recognizing the distortions we believe, and challenging them each day...for me, it is truly one day, one interaction at a is so scary, but has begun to create a life worth living...big hugs, J
  3. butterflies32

    butterflies32 Well-Known Member


    I am so so sorry things are so hard for you atm.

    You are an amazing person and talking to you has made me not feel alone in so many things.

    There is a way. I promise. I do not know what it is yet myself or how to myself but I know that there is a way.

    Try and be kind to yourself. Do something relaxing. Keep talking to your therapist!!! Be honest with her and allow her to help you. You are kind and caring. Please (and I no this may sound selfish) lets not hope that the end is near for you. I need you. I want to support you. Please do not end it just yet. Keep giving it a chance things will get better...when I do not know. But things will.

    You know where I am if you need me.

  4. lost_child

    lost_child Well-Known Member

    thank you for your replies. I think most of the time I am honest with my therapist, but not to myself if that makes any sense?

    Do you honestly believe that it will get better? When does it stop? When does the abuse stop? when does someone see you not as a punchbag? When someone not see you as an "easy" lay? When do people not see a se* object, but a person?

  5. butterflies32

    butterflies32 Well-Known Member

    I guess when your self esteem rises. I have heard somewhere that it has something to do with self esteem.

    Sometimes it is hard to be honest with yourself but when you do not want to face what is going on then how can you be honest.

    I do believe that it will get better...I do not know when but I think that it will. I do not say things that I do not mean.

    Take care

    Always here

  6. Acy

    Acy Mama Bear - TLC, Common Sense Staff Member Safety & Support

    I am sorry you're hurting.

    I don't think there is a set time period for when it gets better. But it does. What I do know for sure is that as you release each bit of what hurt you in the past, you are healing.

    Unfortunately, this healing process can be painful sometimes. The best comparison I can think of is a festering wound. As the poison comes out, it hurts, but it sort of feels "better" - until more poison comes to the surface from deep inside and has to be released and cleaned away. When all the poison is gone from inside, the tissue "repairs itself". Same thing with our feelings. When all the poison is out, we can begin to repair our emotions, self-image and understanding of what happened.

    I'm thinking of you. Be safe and strong! :hug:
  7. Summer.Rain

    Summer.Rain Well-Known Member

    Im sorry if it may sound wierd and out of place but...
    I am a big fan of ancient history, not the "death and glory" tipe
    of history but more like the simple life history, the way people lived once long time ago.
    The abused\rape history started even before we had diveloped brains
    as sad as it may sound, somehow, nature is cruel, males will always
    be agressive, and females can alway be in risk of becoming victims.

    Many abuse victims wrote about it in thairs' jurnals
    but somehow, most of them, servived, and i noticed that
    the more our emotions evolve, the harder it is for victims to go threw

    Anyway im not sure what im trying to say, but maybe somehow, someone
    can find what he is looking for in the human history and once expiriance.
  8. silver76

    silver76 Active Member

    This is purely my opinion and may be completely off base, so take with quite a few grains of salt. As I have said before, I was a victim myself. As a male it is hard to express those feelings of helplessness. How can a male be raped? That is what many think. How do you stop being a victim. Just stop being a victim. Take martial arts, learn to kick some ass. Make it so that no one, man or woman, can take from you what you don't give. Then don't give much, or often. You make the decisions. You decide when and if you give yourself, either emotionally or phyically to someone else. Then you have the control, you have the power. You will no longer be the unwitting victim. Grow alittle scinical. Don't be so trusting anymore. Make sure to keep yourself out of compromising positions.

    As I said, this is what i did. Never been a victim again. Never really felt much of anything either though. Up to you. One way or another it is your life, take it back. By force if necassary.
  9. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Have you talked to your doctor about mood stabilizers, and meds for your irrational thinking. They help. I wasn't sure until last week I ran out of meds and had to wait for the 3rd to get my check. Just being out those couple of days I could see the changes in my attitude.
    I was snapping at evryone. Now thats not me, I'm usually cool, calm and ,collective. Thats on the outside. Inside I live in turmoil.:chopper:
  10. silver76

    silver76 Active Member

    Good point. I've been taking Xanax for years now. Helps keep down some of the mood swings, and agitating thoughts.
  11. lost_child

    lost_child Well-Known Member

    Silver, I hear what your saying...however, when your out having drink with some friends, you think your safe, no harm will come to you, you do thai boxing, you can protect yourself..then the next thing you know you have a tie around your neck and 5 men are pulling you into a lift, hands all over your body, another tie goes around your neck and you can't breath...tell me how I can't fight them all, or stop me being the victim again, I can't...or when your walking down the street, your hit from behind and the next thing you remember is 3 men jumping you trying to get your clothes try to get them off, you scream, shout..but you can't force them off, the only thing that stopped them raping me and managing to get me in the white van was someone saw what was happening and called the police...there are just 2 things that have happened in the last few years..and I was doing thai can I fight them back? How can I fight back ever again? I can't, I don't have the strength left in me to fight. I have to strength to fight life anymore, I'm too tired. I've just asked a friend for 5 minutes of her time, just to have general talk, a person in the real world...anytime over the weekend, her reply, sorry mate no can do....5 minutes...that's all..but not possible. I'm NOT having a birthday, last year was my last.
  12. silver76

    silver76 Active Member

    I hate to hear that those things happened to you. Things like this should never happen to anyone. But you proved my point for me, in a since. You did fight, you have won. You are still here. You are not in the white van, you are still living. While you may have been physically over powered, which can happen to anyone, you were not beaten. You have continued on. It may have been hard. It may have been torturous, but you did. You can. Keep going one day at a time. Things can get better for you. Being a male alot of time I think i can solve everything physically. Just beat the hell out of the people that hurt me. I appologize if i offended or upset you. I was just trying to share my experiences and what worked for me. There is a method that will work for you.
  13. butterflies32

    butterflies32 Well-Known Member

    You will see your birthday htis year lost_child. Especially if I have anything to do with it.

    I am so so so sorry for everything. I just wish I was with you whilst this was happening. I wish I could have helped fight them off for you.

  14. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Here is some advice I was given: pretend you are a cow and you are standing in a herd, What do you see in front of you?? An A--h--- right. What you need to do is step outside the herd and you will see things in a different light. In away it almost feels like you are given a new start because now you are in control and you can make dicissions that won't run the risk of harming you.
    I too am a male and I have to tell you, A--H---- like that really piss me off. I sort of understand how you feel because my daughter has been raped a couple of times. The one I know about is her uncle. I told my ex that she better tell him when I come to town he better disappear because If I get my hands on him he is one dead S-- of a B----. Please don't harm yourself. I know it is tuff but you will find ppl here are very sympathetic to your pain. Now that we have met you how about talking somemore. Stay Strong::chopper:
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