Plunging further into depression

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by elvinchild, Aug 19, 2009.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. elvinchild

    elvinchild Well-Known Member

    Lately, I've been in an overwhelming depression. Usually, I'm up and down, but this time I'm stuck, and though I might feel good for a few hours once in a great while, any minute trigger can send me spiraling back down into depression and suicidal thinking. It takes me forever to feel better again; its very frustrating that things can crash down in an instant and yet putting myself back together is a long, drawn-out, exhausting process.

    The longer I am in depression, the deeper I fall. My motivation and ability to do ANYTHING is weakening by the day. I've been avoiding friends like the plague. I'm not working. At home, I spend a lot of time sleeping, and when I'm awake its just spent doing nothing, drowning in feelings of hopeless. My apartment's a mess, there are so many responsibilities that I've put off, I don't do anything to enjoy myself anymore - hike, spend time with nature, bake, cook, create music, hell even just sit down to watch a movie - lately it is all too overwhelming and is more work than satisfying. It actually all makes me feel worse, doing anything at all stresses me out and then I am more vulnerable to my feelings... all the sudden my emotions will explode and I wind up hurting myself.

    Mostly though, I have descended so far that I am feeling numb again. The trauma I've faced and dark reality of my situation is all too much for me to experience - the emotions would kill me, so instead I feel nothing. It is the only way to survive. But without passion, I am not motivated to do anything... neither to take care of myself, or to end it all.

    I don't know how to get out of this. It just keeps spiraling downward. I feel so useless, wasted, and pathetic.
  2. mandyj101

    mandyj101 Well-Known Member

    i know what u mean about the numbness.. i seem 2 get mine from drinking far 2 much.. which is not good..
    everything u describe sounds like me.. and i have major depression.. have u tried medication and therapy? i know iv replied 2 a few of ur threads but i dont think uv ever answered this?
    sorry if u have..and iv asked u again.. if u fancy talking in pm sometime im here..
    take care :hug: x
    Last edited by a moderator: Aug 19, 2009
  3. elvinchild

    elvinchild Well-Known Member

    Yeah I have tried medication and I quit it because it just made me more numb and I was tired of the side effects, I'm trying a natural approach now. I'm currently in therapy, it helps a little but hasn't done much yet. They don't what I have they think its ptsd, social anxiety, borderline personality, and bipolar II. They originally said major depression but changed it to bipolar II because the anti-depressants made me insane.

    Idk what else to do I'm just hoping the therapy works I guess.
  4. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    There are new meds out there get your doctor to try them They don't cause numb feeling like the other meds ask your doctor about them okay. When your down i know it is hard but get out amonsg people. Go to shopping mall to the beach anywhere but home. Do exercise swimming is good as this will decrease depression as well. Take care okay distract yourself as soon as you feel depression coming on don't leave it too long because that is when it gets to hard to get out of it..
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.