Plz help, I really hate myself more than anything and i want 2 die? ?

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by [talon], Sep 5, 2008.

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  1. [talon]

    [talon] New Member

    i was horribly depressed and socially anxious a few months ago. then i was referred to a psychiatrist and he diagnosed me with general anxiety disorder and i was prescribed celexa,an anti-depressant. i never told my doctor that i was suicidal because my mom was with me and i didn't want her to know,that and i also cut. things HAD been SLIGHTLY better since then. however, i started high school. everything went back 2 the way it was b4. horrible. awful. my anxiety is still here, just somewhat less so. i only have 1 friend, my others have went 2 different schools and/or ditched me 4 new friends,i am incapable of making friends because of my friking anxiety that is mainly in social situations ( i feel like im having a heart attack whenever im near people i dont know.i used to have really insane anxiety attacks b4 i started celexa,but even now i can still feel something similiar to 1). i go to the shittiest school on the face of the earth and i cant leave, i want 2 die more than anything right now because everyone hates me and im going 2 die alone my mom hates me and my sister hates me and my dad just doesn't care. my beloved cat dissapeared mysteriously and IM HAVE TO SEE A THERAPIST 2 learn how 2 handle social situations w/ group therapy which scares me because im worried it wont work cuz im so nervous
    i only sleep 3 hours a night because i cant shut off my brain and im not allowed 2 take drugs

    what should i do? :(:(:(:(
  2. it's so sad that someone so young should be so very sad. Tell your therapist everything. I used to be like you when I was younger and I did grow out of it. It's very hard because we live in a social world, eventually you'll begin to realize that you're at least as good as anyone else, there is no-one better than you, only equals. You're mum must be worried, have you tried talking to her? Sometimes it is easier to talk to strangers because you don't feel like you're burdening them. Just hang in there and take it from minute to minute, don't think about the future, just concentrate on getting through the here and now.
  3. NeedHope3

    NeedHope3 Member

    Talon, I hope you come back to check here, I know you posted yesterday. My daughter who's 16 now, was just like you last year. She was a junior last year (skipped a grade to add pressure to her life) and had not told me about her depression until she was suicidal. Being that I have had issues with depression and a past myself I saw signs, and had already been keeping a watch on her...thankfully...until she was ready to talk.
    No drugs for her, brief counseling. She cuts sometimes, but we talked about it.

    She is better this year...a senior now. Struggling, yes...I think we all struggle still sometimes. But she is "back". Goals, happy with friends, is social, and even does homework again. If you are interested in talking to her, let me know. She wants to go to college now to be a social worker in a high school to help kids like herself. She might be able to give some insight as to how she got through the really dark times.

    Sometimes we adults don't remember how, if we were like this as teens, we got through. I was like this as a teen, but it's a blur for me. I can only speculate how she got herself through...I know she leaned on me, her friends...and I know how I get through. But kids and adults don't think the same way :)

    More than happy to help out if I can.
  4. zerosix

    zerosix New Member

    I got the same problem too, i am constantly trying to find means to kill myself
  5. Colourful

    Colourful Well-Known Member

    I am in a very similar situation to you...only different is i'm not even seeing a therapist or anything just a social worker and it sucks, coz i know i should be getting more help than this...they even say i don't need any kind of drugs but i am extremely depressed and at times, suicidal...i have terrible social phobia too, i get so extremely nervous and try to avoid being in public as much as possible. When i am my heart's usually beating so fast it feels like i'm gonna have a heart attack..

    Worse thing is after 3 months of summer holidays (which i spent by being indoors 90% of the time), i have to start college now, tomorrow, and i am so scared like you wouldn't believe...i actually think i might not go because it's so scary..
  6. Dave_N

    Dave_N Guest

    College is a fun time. You get to meet new people and generally start fresh. It doesn't have to be scary. Just take deep breath and you will be fine. :hug:
  7. downunder

    downunder Well-Known Member

    With not being able to shut off your brain, have you tried writing everything on a piece of paper so it gets out of your head, sounds silly but works for me when I cannot sleep.

    My daughter was like you but I didn't know she was depressed, she had lots of friends loved wearing colourful clothes, she died last year. Her friends knew but they didn't tell me. She is not here any more.

    I understand about the drugs too, I made quite a few attempts and was also seeing a social worker, but I am not on any drugs. Also seeing a psych at the moment and I don't see any difference between them and the social worker. Found that I felt a lot better after seeing the social worker/pysch but then 2 days later felt the same again.
  8. yanke

    yanke Active Member

    i feel the same way now heres why:;...
    i also think it will be easier for me to just die, but that will just make me a coward, that wont solve anything, you need to hang in there, solve your problem and find a solution.
    thats what i think.
    and also i just wanna say something really quick:
    the person who said find religion and jesus:
    well thats good have religion, but think about it is jesus really gonna help ?, i dont see him helping me , i dont see him helping the thousands that are dying in war, you have to believe in yourself. not someone who might not even exist.
  9. Arcturus

    Arcturus Active Member

    Talon, when I was 15, I felt much the same as you do (not to mention that I am schizophrenic, and at this time, I was not medicated at all). My fanciful notions regarding reality were finally noticed, and I was put on medication eventually. However, while I no longer had issues discerning reality, I still had extreme anxiety and depression, and found myself unable to associate with anybody. I felt myself expressing my emotions in much the same way you are currently.

    Dealing with social anxiety can be very difficult. However, I learned to change my perspective on how I looked at life in order to help cope with this. I know I often felt myself thinking things like, "I currently have extreme anxiety/depression, and I do not see this changing, therefore the end result of my life will be meaningless and lonely." However, I have found it greatly relieving and helpful to think about day-to-day activities instead of what might be considered the 'big picture.' In fact, I sometimes, when dealing with racing heartbeat, etc. in certain situations, found myself thinking even on a moment-to-moment perspective. "What can I do to make the next moment/day of my life better (or if not better, what can I do to make sure I make it into the next moment/day)?" I've found that thinking like this can help avoid tendencies to make things feel worse than they are, and give my mind something else to focus on besides feelings of inadequacy.

    And again, I'm not trying to minimalize your experiences; I know how hard dealing with these feelings can be. All I'm saying is that sometimes just focusing your mind differently can help get you through these types of difficulties.

    One last thing that helped me make friends, even with extreme anxiety, was finding one area in life that I was confident about (for me, this was philosophy), and trying to seek out people who I could talk to about my area of expertise. Although still terrified at the prospect of talking to another human, the experience is always less scary when you can be talking about something you feel secure talking about.

    Hang in there, things can get better. =D
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