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plz help me rise above these feelings...

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by welcome_home, Nov 17, 2007.

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  1. welcome_home

    welcome_home Member

    i joined this forum a while back when i was just feeling depressed and wanted someone to talk to about what i was going through. this is my first time back i believe in a couple months.

    i've seemed to buried myself in a hole i can't escape from. ever since i was about 11-12 years old i haven't seen myself living past the age of 18. at the time it was one of those thoughts that was there that i never really paid to much attention to. but lately that thought has seemed to catch up with me and hit me full force. my parents are in the middle of a divorce after 22 years of marriage, the girl that i love is sleeping with her best friends fiance, and i'm about to be expelled from school for truancy cause i haven't gone in over a month. i haven't officially been expelled but more then likely it's gonna happen. i'm already in my fifth year of high school and from the looks of it i'll be there for a sixth year.

    i don't want to go to my expulsion hearing cause my parents don't know about it yet and i don't want to disappoint them again because my older brother was an honor's student and i've constantly failed to meet there expectations. my hearing is scheduled for November 26. just nine days away now. and the thought of me living past the age of 18 is the the only thing i can think about because my birthday is November 25. on the 25th i'll be turning 19.

    before that thought was just a thought because i didn't i'd be going through anything that would make me want to kill myself. but now with all that's going on, i feel that the only thing left to do is kill myself. most of the times when i feel suicidal i say to myself, "it's just a feeling that will go away." but now i feel like there is a time-line for me to do it. if i do it, all my problems will go away. but if i don't, i feel that there's gonna be more problems then what i already have and i won't be able to live with them anyways.

    can someone help me so that i can die of natural causes when i'm old instead of by my own hands?
  2. andyc68

    andyc68 Guest

    hello and welcome back.

    ok, its sounds like you have alot going right now which are slowly turning into something you are finding it hard to cope with.
    well, your parents are splitting up and thats hard as mine did too when i was 16, but they are old enough to know what they are doing and i expect they are hurting too, just give them both what support and understanding you can.

    if your girl is cheating then get rid my friend.

    as for school, well it may be easier just to go rather than not, you never know it may just be a severe ticking off.

    with all this going on its understandable to panic a bit, but take a step back from the troubles and take a pause.

    what are your expectations of yourself, you future?

    take care and stay safe
  3. welcome_home

    welcome_home Member

    actually the girl isn't my girlfriend but i love her and wish i could be with her. and i'm also mad at her for doing that cause her best friend is one of my friends too and she is one of the most caring people in the world. and she's straight forward with you so if she's having a problem she'll tell you. and i know it's wrong but recently started getting feelings for her. she doesn't deserve that cheating bastard of a fiance.

    as for my expectations of myself and my future, i tried many times before to look ahead and see what i would enjoy doing in the future for a career and i see nothing. as for myself, my expectations are to be generally happy. not to the point of enlightenment, but to the point where there's no self-doubt, no self-hatred, and being happy with where i am. i just can't seem to do that.
  4. andyc68

    andyc68 Guest

    you can't help who you have feelings for, sometimes the greatest love comes from real friendship.

    you say you just want to be happy, is there something that makes you happy now or maybe something you have always wanted to do or see?
  5. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    Go to the Coffee House Forum and open the "Before you die" thread. It may give you some great ideas and a reason to die of natural causes. Glad you returned and am seeking the help of these wonderful people. Be safe.
  6. welcome_home

    welcome_home Member

    well it's official. i'm 19 and i'm still alive. so my thought of me not living past the age of 18 is officially over with. now my problem is for how long will i live?
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