Welcome to the forum and SF family now. YOU are hurting alot but YOU are not alone. We here are a very caring and supportive group of people.
If YOU are alone then YOU need to surround yourself with people as watching four walls will only increase the anxiety and current feelings YOU have. Perhaps going for a walk will also help. YOU need a change of surroundings to change your feelings.
I respect your privacy but do what to explain what is causing the hurt a deal pain YOU are currently experiencing.
Please keep posting as we care about YOU.