I don't know what to do or what to say anymore. I feel that my life is over. I feel like there is nothing left to live for. I have been suffering from this sense age sixteen, and nothing at all seems to help. I have been hospitalized over fifty times in psychiatric hospitals sense that time. It has gotten to the point where when I have a crisis, I can't even go to the hospital because they won't take me. I have tried all the therpies, and none of them work. I did try DBT therapy while I was in the state hospital, and that was the one most effective thing that I have ever tried. It just sucks because on the outside, insurance won't cover it, so It is the one thing that I can not get. I feel like I am becoming institutionalized. I have just gotten out of the hospital almost a week ago, and I am still longing to go back. All day lonng I am constantly thinking about how I could end my life in any given situation. I am terified that the only two options I have left are eithor livingi n a hospital, or committing suicide. I use to have many reasons to stay alive, but now, i have none. My family has completly given up on me. I have only had one true friend in my entire life, and she just recently gave up on me. Now I have nothing and no one. My mood swings are completly out of control. One moment I could be fine, and the next i'm so sad and crying my eyes out and pleading for death. It seems like everything is a struggle. Even the simplist things like taking a shower seem so impossible to do. It seems like time passes by so sowly, and it just seems like even the act of living is hard for me to do. What do I do? How can I be happy? Why is suicide considered so wrong? I just give up.