plz help

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by lotr2012, Jul 9, 2012.

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  1. lotr2012

    lotr2012 Active Member

    I don't know what to do or what to say anymore. I feel that my life is over. I feel like there is nothing left to live for. I have been suffering from this sense age sixteen, and nothing at all seems to help. I have been hospitalized over fifty times in psychiatric hospitals sense that time. It has gotten to the point where when I have a crisis, I can't even go to the hospital because they won't take me. I have tried all the therpies, and none of them work. I did try DBT therapy while I was in the state hospital, and that was the one most effective thing that I have ever tried. It just sucks because on the outside, insurance won't cover it, so It is the one thing that I can not get. I feel like I am becoming institutionalized. I have just gotten out of the hospital almost a week ago, and I am still longing to go back. All day lonng I am constantly thinking about how I could end my life in any given situation. I am terified that the only two options I have left are eithor livingi n a hospital, or committing suicide. I use to have many reasons to stay alive, but now, i have none. My family has completly given up on me. I have only had one true friend in my entire life, and she just recently gave up on me. Now I have nothing and no one. My mood swings are completly out of control. One moment I could be fine, and the next i'm so sad and crying my eyes out and pleading for death. It seems like everything is a struggle. Even the simplist things like taking a shower seem so impossible to do. It seems like time passes by so sowly, and it just seems like even the act of living is hard for me to do. What do I do? How can I be happy? Why is suicide considered so wrong? I just give up.
  2. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    First of all, welcome to the site!

    I'm sorry things are so bad right now. Do you know what triggered you to start feeling this way, did something happen that brought these feelings on?

    Here if you feel like talking.
  3. triedtoomanytimes

    triedtoomanytimes Well-Known Member

    I can relate almost exactly to what you say. Why keep going? because what you're looking for yet.
    Wishing you well in whatever you seek.
  4. WldHair

    WldHair Well-Known Member

    I understand how you feel and for people who don't suffere from this, they really don't understand. They want to fix you and can't, so after a while they throw in the towel after a while. I know that you're looking for that one thing, that one person who can just give you that antedote you need to make it better, I've sought it myself. Sometimes it seems like such a simple thing. The harshest reality for us is that we have to move beyond looking for someone to help us because they won't. People will let you down every time. I don't even bother telling them how I feel anymore because they don't understand and then I get a bunch of ridiculous advice in return. Dude, we're sick, I can't just think happy thoughts and it will go away. However, what has helped me deal all these years is almost the equivalent of calling on spirits to talk to. It has been spirits who have brought me back from the brink of total madness. My doctors were behaving like hearing voices and such were a bad thing, but for me, they were a good thing. And spirits are just like people, you have good and bad, and you have the power to tell those who aren't telling you anything productive to piss off and invite in the ones who will help you. It's almost like having an imaginary friend. Trust me, each tiime I've been bad, I've been the one who has to operate my own therapy because I also don't have decent mental health insurance coverage for the cool therapies.

    We're hear to talk to if you need.
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