My hormone fluctuations cause me to feel extremely suicidal for at least a week out of every month. I was wondering if anyone else deals with this problem, and if so, how do you cope? I am experiencing one of my down weeks and I just feel like I'm not worth a damn thing to anyone. It's so bad that I can't recover before it hits the next month, so I'm in a constant battle with this. It's been this way for 10 years. I'm on BC pills that are supposed to treat it, to no avail...
PMDD and Suicidal Thoughts
- Thread starter mtnmeadow
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yep, me too. i am learning to just stick to my "lists" for those 4 days before my period starts (that's when it's most intense for me).
the lists are more like reminders for me, and go like this 1. breathe 2. do not harm yourself 3. do not cut 4. do not panic 5. if you are close to trying, call the doc, the helpline, or the nurse.
if i'm in a meltdown i stop and ask myself how am i feeling? has anything triggered this feeling? what am i saying to myself about how i am feeling? if i want to cut i add this question: if your scars could talk what would they say? then i write down the answers in my journal, close it and put it away on the shelf.
i don't try to overthink things those 4 days, 'cos i just dig myself in deeper. i just refer to the list, 'cos i put all the answers i need right there. if in a desperate frame of mind i wonder if i should hurt myself i look there for the answer, and there it is : do *not* hurt yourself.
when it's not one of those intense days, i can work on the reasons why. but in a crisis i don't worry about the why. i just hunker down and stay safe.
c.
the lists are more like reminders for me, and go like this 1. breathe 2. do not harm yourself 3. do not cut 4. do not panic 5. if you are close to trying, call the doc, the helpline, or the nurse.
if i'm in a meltdown i stop and ask myself how am i feeling? has anything triggered this feeling? what am i saying to myself about how i am feeling? if i want to cut i add this question: if your scars could talk what would they say? then i write down the answers in my journal, close it and put it away on the shelf.
i don't try to overthink things those 4 days, 'cos i just dig myself in deeper. i just refer to the list, 'cos i put all the answers i need right there. if in a desperate frame of mind i wonder if i should hurt myself i look there for the answer, and there it is : do *not* hurt yourself.
when it's not one of those intense days, i can work on the reasons why. but in a crisis i don't worry about the why. i just hunker down and stay safe.
c.
yes i feel the same, seem to be able to deal with life issues for 3 weeks out of 4 but then suddenly and without warning im in the depths of despair, the idea of the list sounds good- might try that to, but the feelings at this point can become so intense the worry is that we will hurt ourselves to get away from the intensity of the feelings we have during this time, happy to talk with you more hun tc hugs
I know I'll probably get flamed for this as most people are pro-pill, but I strongly advise, unless you need contraception, which there are many other ways of, then stop using the pill, it RUINED my life, I go through EXTREME PMS/PMDD symptoms sometimes lasting up to 2 weeks, I get very ill, my hair falls out (I've lost about 50% of my hair to PMS now) My symptoms resemble pregnancy, even though I am not pregnant, during my last episode I almost killed myself, I think about doing it all the time, but when this state comes on I cannot think calmly anymore, and the physical pain I am in would drive anyone over the edge, I wake up hourly some nights as pain rips accross my stomach. When my period starts, the mood symptoms fade slightly and give way to ripping pains which can last for days, I am up almost evey hour to 30 minutes during the night for "pad changes", it's impossible to sleep through that and the pain, so sleep depravation sets in and kicks the mood symptoms off again. This has driven me to a new low, and guess how it all started THE PILL. I was never this bad before it, yes I had problem periods, but NOTHING compares to how I am now, I blame it for 80% of all my problems, as after the "attack" I am left with a new set of destructive thoughts I have thought while in that state, new *ideas* and not wanting to go through it again the next month just pushes me closer. Please for your sake get off the pill, it is dangerous and not all the long term effects are well known, including breast cancer and blood clots. I've seen with my own eyes a woman in a wheelchair because of this dangerous drug. Doctors push it because thats what doctors do, push pills without any concern for the effects they may have on a person in order to reach prescribing targets set by the big drug companies, mostof them have about as much care for the effects of medications on their "patients" as a drug dealer does about his heroin. This is only advice, take it or leave it, but the pill has ruined my life.
tinwoman - no worries on that front, i'm not on the pill and never have been. btw, did you follow up on the endometriosis idea? i know you dont' want more tests but maybe a couple of books from the library might give you some more info?
patience - i just accept for myself that i can't work on the big stuff those few days. i'm too overwhelmed, too sad and sometimes despairing and when this happens i start to panic and believe i have to just DO something, anything to get away from how i'm feeling. that's where the list comes in handy. i don't have to make any new decisions. i don't have to keep thinking about things. i can just get and stay safe and stick to the simple things on the list. i also have another every single day list that includes take meds, go for a walk, no daytime napping, and get out of the house for some fresh air. those are things i do every single day, no exception, to fight depression.
i'd love to hear what other things people have tried?
catherine
patience - i just accept for myself that i can't work on the big stuff those few days. i'm too overwhelmed, too sad and sometimes despairing and when this happens i start to panic and believe i have to just DO something, anything to get away from how i'm feeling. that's where the list comes in handy. i don't have to make any new decisions. i don't have to keep thinking about things. i can just get and stay safe and stick to the simple things on the list. i also have another every single day list that includes take meds, go for a walk, no daytime napping, and get out of the house for some fresh air. those are things i do every single day, no exception, to fight depression.
i'd love to hear what other things people have tried?
catherine
oh, I am definitely suffering from PMDD. this weekend I got myself into some real trouble with a representative of law due the rage attack my hormones brought on. things might get to my boss, I don't know what I'm going to do...
I got a doctor's appointment for Wednesday, I will beg to get back on antidepressants (I wish they'd tell me how to dose them specifically for the dangerous week(s), I can control myself the rest of the time). Hope this way I can keep my life and my liberty.
As for birth control pill, I can't use it (tried in my early twenties briefly) - get leg cramps! Also gained weight and acne became permanent (now mostly on the dangerous week). Others may want to risk it, but not me. Anyway, I don't need birth control (never did, actually - these few encounters I've had in my almost 27 years of life were perfectly manageable with a condom), so why poison myself.
I got a doctor's appointment for Wednesday, I will beg to get back on antidepressants (I wish they'd tell me how to dose them specifically for the dangerous week(s), I can control myself the rest of the time). Hope this way I can keep my life and my liberty.
As for birth control pill, I can't use it (tried in my early twenties briefly) - get leg cramps! Also gained weight and acne became permanent (now mostly on the dangerous week). Others may want to risk it, but not me. Anyway, I don't need birth control (never did, actually - these few encounters I've had in my almost 27 years of life were perfectly manageable with a condom), so why poison myself.
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