PMS will kill me

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by TheWr0ngChild, Mar 13, 2008.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. TheWr0ngChild

    TheWr0ngChild Well-Known Member

    It's only a matter of time, and tbh I ain't bothered anymore, my body does not sustain my life, it keeps me prisoner. I've had it with pain, I've had it with headaches, I've had it with scabby rashes, I've had it with all my hair falling out, I've had it with not sleeping for days I've had it with crippling stomach pain, I've had it with boils all over my body,I've had it with sweats, just because I was stupid enough to take a contraceptive pill 2 years ago, I'm not on it no more but that dosen't matter, it's legacy lives on in my body. I sentenced myself to death with that pill and before I die I want to leave as much info as I can to help other women who are victims too, my heart aches for those who lost legs because of it, I met a woman once who was in a wheelchair because the pill caused a huge clot in her leg, I feel guilty for even complaining about my "symptoms" when it ruins lives in so many worse ways. I stopped talking it because it was making me ill, now look at me, my body is still trapped in the side effects. I have given up, but I hope enough people read the things I have posted online, on many sites about my ordeal, and even if it just put one person off taking it I have saved a life even when mine cannot be.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 13, 2008
  2. TheWr0ngChild

    TheWr0ngChild Well-Known Member

    Sorry if nobody here understands this, it is a very complex issue from a very complex person. Most days I feel like ending my life by stabbing myself in my stomach, the part of my body that rules my very existance, I can't even escape this in my sleep because of the horrific nightmares it gives me, I want to know I am dying because I want to have time to have the last laugh over my curse of a body.

    I've not slept for days, and right at this point in time I fear for my sanity.
     
  3. carol2237

    carol2237 Guest

    Tin_woman,

    I am sorry you had so many problems due to one seemingly harmless thing. My pm box is always open if you need to chat, rant, or whatever. *huggles* All the best to you.

    Caroline
     
  4. TheWr0ngChild

    TheWr0ngChild Well-Known Member

    I don't think it's me with problems anymore, I think I have become a problem, I have to stay in most days, even though I would like to go out, because I know I am a danger both to myself (which I could not care less about) and to other people too when I'm like this, I look lik eI'm ether drunk or have taken something, thats how bad it is, I've only got to drop 1p on the floor somewhere and I have to run for cover before I burst into hysterics, I have also seen people that are not there (from an abusive supported living scheme I was once in), thought I was places I was not, it's pretty frightening, and NOT the kind of thing you tell medics who are going to stick more labels on me. They all think it's impossible for a contraceptive pill to cause this when you have not taken it in so long. I am trying to make the best of my time, because I don't think I have alot more of it.
     
  5. carol2237

    carol2237 Guest

    *huggles* i am sorry you feel that way, but i am still open to chat whenever you need to talk.

    Caroline
     
  6. resistance

    resistance Staff Alumni

    How awful for you to be suffering these effects from the medication you took- I didn't know a contraceptive pill was able to cause such damage :( Please don't compare yourself to others. Of course, they are in a wheelchair which I am not dismissing, that is really awful for them to go through. What I mean is the effects you're going through are bad in itself and it must be hard for you. Is there nothing your doctors can do?
     
  7. TheWr0ngChild

    TheWr0ngChild Well-Known Member

    Yeah, they offered me more pills!
     
  8. resistance

    resistance Staff Alumni

    Have you tried them?
     
  9. TheWr0ngChild

    TheWr0ngChild Well-Known Member

    Of course I haven't lol, they are all the same poison in a different box.
     
  10. resistance

    resistance Staff Alumni

    It may be worth a try, you have nothing to lose, right? :hug:
     
  11. TheWr0ngChild

    TheWr0ngChild Well-Known Member

    Look, if I want to die, I will do it when I'm at leased in some control, when I was taking it I was not in control of myself or any of the AWFUL choices I made whilst taking it, nobody has any idea what this stuff does, and thats ALOT more than just stop you getting pregnant, it alters chemicals in a person's brain that I beleive can be "changed" and remain that way even after you stop taking it, I am a completly different person now than I used to be before, and I don't like her.
     
  12. pit

    pit Well-Known Member

    I can't imagine the pain you must be going through, but as a sufferer of chronic physical ailments, I can certainly relate. I'm having trouble hanging on these days, so all I can say is take care.
     
  13. TheWr0ngChild

    TheWr0ngChild Well-Known Member

    I try to take care, but when you don't know what your doing half the time it's hard, and I am getting so little sleep now I can barely function. I manage to keep it from those I love by taking this STUPID codeine pills you can get otc here, they are my LOVE at the moment, the only thing between me and the ground. I have to try and put others first now, I cannot allow them to suffer this too. My boyfriend is the hardest person for me to keep it from as we live together, but it can be done. I always tell him I love him before he goes off to work as if it is my last time I will see him, just in case it is, I have lost so much of myself now that it really is day by day, I don't make plans in case I am not here to keep to them, I never commit to anything as I might not be able to keep it, incase I'm in bed haunched up in agony or worse. I often don't go to bed because my boyfriend needs his sleep for work the next day, and I frequently wake up screaming, ether from nightmares or these horrific leg pains.
     
  14. TheWr0ngChild

    TheWr0ngChild Well-Known Member

    I'm trapped all ways really, because if I told a doctor the ammount of pain I am in every month, they would probably want to do a load of invasive tests, which I am not mentaly up to at the moment, and even of there was a medication that might releive the agony, I can't afford the prescription charge, so really there is no hope.
     
  15. TheWr0ngChild

    TheWr0ngChild Well-Known Member

    I've had enough of crying, I woke up this morning screaming as pain ripped through my stomach, I really have had enough today, and I'm on my own tonight....
     
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.