Poem by My Melody lovingly modified for someone I'm thinking of - 3rd poem

Discussion in 'Poet's Corner' started by DrivEthermissIon, Nov 4, 2009.

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  1. DrivEthermissIon

    DrivEthermissIon Banned Member

    Your poem (by My Melody):

    Colliding


    Praying to Gods and wishing on stars
    I feel so far away, alone again today
    Songs and chants fill the air
    We’re trying for something better

    Beliefs fall short and dreams unhinge
    Leaves spiraling downward in a daze
    So many aches and pains surge through me
    We’re colliding together, you and I

    Where are you? Leaving me lonely
    I’ve become something I’m unsure of
    Please hold my hand and lead me
    Far from the place with no light


    My poem:

    Stars and sunbeams colliding

    With angels' grace, I wish on stars;
    They feel so far away.
    Solit'ry chants fill the air.
    The clouds seem worse today.

    Beliefs fall short and dreams unhinge.
    Leaves spiral down in haze.
    My mind wrecked and pains not far.
    To eyes we should gaze.

    Where art thou? I'm so alone.
    Unsure, a thing afraid.
    Guide my hand - light my path -
    Away from demons, knaves.

    Rain as mist and beams as dust,
    I wander through my maze.
    I feel I've lost, but still look up...
    Thou'rt there one day - unphased.




    * The second poem above (not the first) is copyrighted to DrivEthermissIon. It may not be reproduced.



    It's okay, I loved your poem and the magic in it. Just thought I'd rewrite it to cheer you up. Note the rhyming and rhythm. I don't want you to feel bad coz you are comparing the two, I want you to feel honoured that someone is doing this for you 'My Melody'. You're a wonderful person, and a gifted writer.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 4, 2009
  2. DrivEthermissIon

    DrivEthermissIon Banned Member

    I need to edit it mixed a bit of English up Old and new!
     
  3. DrivEthermissIon

    DrivEthermissIon Banned Member

  4. nagisa

    nagisa Chat & Forum Buddy Staff Alumni

    Awwww, I'm glad that you enjoyed my poem so much that you wanted to make it your own. Yours came out nicely. :)
     
  5. DrivEthermissIon

    DrivEthermissIon Banned Member

    I think it was a mistake for me to make this thread. It was rude and self-centred. It may be deleted soon. I'm really sorry.
     
  6. DrivEthermissIon

    DrivEthermissIon Banned Member

    I **** everything up, even poetry, as you can see.
     
  7. nagisa

    nagisa Chat & Forum Buddy Staff Alumni

    Gahhh!! You don't need to delete the poem!! You're poem is good, all I said is I would have appreciated if you asked me first before you took from my poem. But there's no reason to delete this thread. You write good poetry. :hug:
     
  8. DrivEthermissIon

    DrivEthermissIon Banned Member

    Okay then, if you are sure I didn't hurt you. All I care about in this situation is if I hurt you, my art is nothing to me. :IrishDoll: That's true commitment to art.
     
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