**West V South Side** the state of my mind I don't expect anyone to understand the way I care for myself its not shocking I'm left of the shelf My mind is a maze, unsure which way to go one way could help me, but its slow one way takes me to the road of hell and the last way tells me to rebel. The fights within my mind leave me feeling confined west side argues its time to go south side says why not try to grow west side shouts it was ur fault south sides scresms it was assult west side tells me I'm to blame south side tells me Its not my shame West side tells me to cut south sides tells me to kick it in in the butt. West side screams ur have to be hurt South side shouts ur not dirt West side whispers let me win south side whispers it wasn't ur sin. West side bellows u never said no South side bellows u would have received a blow West side screams you have no friends South side screams its ur defends West side screams ur a freak South side screams ur not u find it difficult to speak West side shouts no1 will miss you south side shouts u will get through West side shouts no1 will notice ur not around south side shouts ur hurting deep down. West side shouts shut up southside southside whispers, I tried but was denied. **Too Much** my eyes are heavy, my body aches I'm told there more to come but try not to worry When I move, i'm told the ghosts will come play around some more sending me straight to the floor i'm warned that the more this happens the more difficult it will become I don't feel ready I can't take no more. already the shites are kicking off in the world they causing havoc everywhere they go i'm told its cause of the change they starting to feel safe, and want to me seen and then to be heard I'm not ready for this moving was meant to be good now i'm told that the worse is yet to come I won't cope with anymore. I don't want the ghosts to come I don't want the memories to become more intense I don't want the "alters" to play anymore If I can't just be me, without memories without these things playing they games and destroying my life even more. my eyes are too heavy, my body aches too much I can't go own like this I want to just curl up and disappear. I want out. I can't get out i'm trapped in my mind i'm trapped in this body I'm trapped in this world please i need a way out. **If I should die** If I should ever die, without telling my story the memories will die with me but finally I will be free Life was sometimes good some of it I misunderstood my old man, wasn't a dad everything he done was just bad my mum, I love with all my heart but she always made me feel a spare part she done her best, that I can't deny but things she done, leaves me with whys my step dad, had a history that's not nice he was punished and paid the price it didn't stop, somedays he would be so gentle other days he was just mental. I've tried so many times to put right the wrongs tried so hard to find somewhere I belong many days feeling so alone, always feeling on my own. I battled through childhood tried so hard to be good but even then it wasn't good enough life was just sometimes too tough If I answered back, it was soap everyday removed a little bit of hope my nan, my uncle done things I can't explain but my body felt the strain. I don't think I will understand why why my life is based on so many lies. If I told my story, it would make it real but to me it will always feel unreal If i could close my eyes say my goodbyes I don't want to hurt anyone but i'm tired, i'm just done **My secret** Inside I hold a secret, so deep and untold I was told to keep it quiet even when I get old The secret is deep inside lives in my mind and my soul the secret I've tried so hard to hide leaves me so empty, never feeling whole. The secret comes out in my dreams and days when I'm feeling all alone a voice in my mind always screams let it out, its you life that you own. When I try to tell my secret everything seems to go wrong outside I cause a riot pretending to be so strong. My mind is so confused what is the secret I hold? why does my mind and body feel used should this secret I hold still remain untold. Cracks have already started to appear Depression, loneliness, self hate never ever do I even shed a tear even when I manage to get myself in a state. I promised I would never tell a secret, should never be told a promise that has me living in hell but still remains untold. I've had chances to share and speak but the guilt, the embrassment, the shame I end up feeling so weak after all I WAS party to he's game. Will I ever be able to tell Will the same continue happen will I silently continue living in hell and take my secret to my coffin. **Contamination** Inside he contaminated me my mind he contaminated. with each touch, he's hands he's body, every area of him.. now I'm contaminated. Bad blood from my old man I never really stood a chance from the moment I was conceived. bad blood was in me. bad blood and then contaminated. There were right, I am bad, evil and dirty from the day I was born until the day I die.. I'm so dirty, dirty in everyway bad blood runs thru my veins Contamination, diseased that's what I am don't come near, for I'm not clean I'm dirty, disgusting please stay clear. I can't ask for forgiveness, for this is who I am I've tried to get rid of the blood but its deep inside, its in my gene's dirty, bad, evil, just like my "dad" Contaminated...that's what I am.