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poems for the dead thread

Discussion in 'Grief and Bereavement' started by VALIS, Sep 28, 2006.

  1. VALIS

    VALIS Well-Known Member

    I need to write this, 4 months after he shot himself i'm still going through the same hell. please add your own poems and tributes to people you've loved who have succombed to suicide

    To Brian

    since you left i don't know what i'm doing
    so basically it's the same now
    except i suddenly care about it
    i can't believe you felt that helpless
    i'll never know anyone as intelligent
    and capable in the impractical sense
    the point when we met
    you used to call it poor timing
    but then you always zeroed in on the imperfect
    i guess that meant me and i guess it's everything
    i never thought it was you
    please come back and talk to me
    my stomach hurts and i'm tearing up
    i sleep all damn day and i can't explain
    the sickening sense that doesn't change
    so more than ever before
    i've got to chase it out
    with somebody else
    a few glasses of wine
    and something i pretend
    what did you expect
    you said you were sorry
    that you ever hurt me
    probably you planned this years ago
    and only decided how to execute
    i miss you, brian
    what do i do
    when the person who made the most sense
    sensed this life was too much to bear
    blew his pretty head off
    and scattered his mind into the sky
    like butterflies...
    i don't want a higher dosage
    i want to be perfect
    and to have you back again
    i miss you, brian
    and there's nothing i can do
    now and maybe forever
    i'll be playing along to something
    i can never truly replicate
    a violin out of tune
    just trying and trying to waltz
    my flesh and blood
    the addled moth eaten brain
    and every bad feeling
    i want to be with god
    i want to be with you
    i want to stroke your back
    i want to feel your soft hair
    and smell your clean so sterile
    let you see yourself right
    and everything else gone
    please come back
    most of all i miss you
    let it drop from your heart
    fall from your tongue
    spark from your brain
    and blossom from your spirit
    why do i pray to you
    why do i praise you even now
    why were you worth so much
    when i wasn't and aren't
    ask god to guide me
    and send me your blessing
    let me love myself
    and learn from your passing
    so that i will be saved
    and not damned to believe you
    and believe in you
    to the point of my suffering
    so i don't fall for you
    taking my exit
    following suit
    i can't take this now
    i wasn't standing upright
    and now i'm sinking into soil
    let it ring out you were my soul
    twins in confusion you just slightly
    better than my abilities
    my attention span
    i want to die because you did
    i can't survive because you couldn't
    i hope there are better realities
    than these inconvenient truths
    lord save me from myself
    and let me go only when there's nothing left to miss
  2. theleastofthese

    theleastofthese SF Friend Staff Alumni


    That was stunning in its sorrow and regret and clarity of expression.:eek:hmy: Thru your poem I can feel how much you cared and how frustrated, angry, and sad you are. It's all in your words - every feeling just so. Beautifully sad but still beautiful.:smile: I welcome you to visit the Poet's Corner, if you haven't already done so, and to post any of your poems there. It's a great place to let it all out so the feelings won't implode inside you and do irreparable damage.

    Again, I like your poem and I welcome you to the forum.


    PS; love your signature!:smile:
  3. VALIS

    VALIS Well-Known Member

    yeah, i just now noticed the poetry forum. i'll take my crappy poems over there :) the next time I need to post one
  4. theleastofthese

    theleastofthese SF Friend Staff Alumni

    If the rest of your poems are anything like the one for Brian - that is, heartfelt and sincere and beautiful - then I wouldn't be calling them crappy!:wink: To call them crappy would be to insult my taste in poetry, cause I like the one you've posted so far!:smile: :smile:



    This is a perfectly appropriate place to post your remembrance of Brian, or anyone else, as the forum name is Loved and Lost, so posting it here is/was a lovely, tho very sad, tribute to your friend.
  5. curtius

    curtius Well-Known Member

    Its not often I cry but this brought me to tears.

    I admire your depth of emotion and Im sorry for all the reasons you feel it.

    I hope I am able to love someone like you have someday, its when I will know I have lived.


  6. What everyone else said... That was so painful, POWERFUL, poignant and beautiful. I love the last 2 lines - from your lips to God's ear... your feelings come across so clear

    May you heal with time - expression is sacred...

    Last edited: Oct 2, 2006
  7. The_Discarded

    The_Discarded Staff Alumni

    That's a wonderful poem. Powerful. An amazing display of emotion. I hope things get better for you-- I really do.

    And yet I understand how you feel.

    I lost my aunt to suicide when I was quite young. A long time ago. However, I remember her being my only saving grace. Days when my mother wouldn't come home, she'd come and pick me up and take me out for ice cream, and to the Pet Shoppe (I loved the Pet Shoppe), and then to the park.

    And then, in what seemed so sudden, she was gone. Without a word, without one more day --one more hour-- at the park; gone.

    Here's mine. I wrote it a while ago, though. It's been a year or so since I wrote this:

    You had a blood fetish that I couldn't understand
    You had me walking in your absence but still reaching for your hand
    I was inhaling all your air after you had ceased to breathe
    I was praying for your care once you thought it best to leave

    You had me questioning my mother as she drowned her pain in liquor
    You had me blowing out the candle when it was void of flicker
    I was running to my father and waiting for his slap
    I was afraid the sun would sleep and afraid to take a nap

    You had me crying for your tears and sitting, deep in thought
    You had me wishing for the years when I would heed what you taught
    I was strangling myself in gasps and sickened, stifled sound
    I was stepping over hell while you were buried in the ground

    You had me listening for your story; your sob story in the rain
    You had me reading bounds of letters full of hate, and fear, and pain
    I was quiet out in public, and loquacious on my own
    I was waiting in the cemetery for you to come back home

    You had me crying mid-night and stumbling to the floor
    You had my ear attent to bawling from behind the wooden door
    I was already missing family, locked in unfamiliar walls
    I was already missing you, heard your voice from 'round the hall

    You had me thwarting my emotions and tearing up my views
    You had me throwing away presents as I had nothing left to lose
    I was ripping up your pictures, if I had any at all
    I was alone and scattered, with no one to break my fall

    You had me saving tears for later and cleaning Mommy's tiles
    You had me watching her face, and just waiting for a smile
    By day, I tossed her bottles and by evening I wasn't well
    And by night, I was still crying.

    And missing you

  8. theleastofthese

    theleastofthese SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Dear Discarded;

    I'm glad you didn't discard this poem - it's lovely, tho sad.

    Welcome to this life-saving forum.:smile: :smile:

  9. The_Discarded

    The_Discarded Staff Alumni

    Thanks kindly.
  10. shadowcat

    shadowcat Well-Known Member

    i loved both poems