poems for the dead thread

[VALIS]

I need to write this, 4 months after he shot himself i'm still going through the same hell. please add your own poems and tributes to people you've loved who have succombed to suicide

To Brian

since you left i don't know what i'm doing
so basically it's the same now
except i suddenly care about it
i can't believe you felt that helpless
i'll never know anyone as intelligent
and capable in the impractical sense
the point when we met
you used to call it poor timing
but then you always zeroed in on the imperfect
i guess that meant me and i guess it's everything
i never thought it was you
please come back and talk to me
my stomach hurts and i'm tearing up
i sleep all damn day and i can't explain
the sickening sense that doesn't change
so more than ever before
i've got to chase it out
with somebody else
a few glasses of wine
and something i pretend
what did you expect
you said you were sorry
that you ever hurt me
probably you planned this years ago
and only decided how to execute
i miss you, brian
what do i do
when the person who made the most sense
sensed this life was too much to bear
blew his pretty head off
and scattered his mind into the sky
like butterflies...
i don't want a higher dosage
i want to be perfect
and to have you back again
i miss you, brian
and there's nothing i can do
now and maybe forever
i'll be playing along to something
i can never truly replicate
a violin out of tune
just trying and trying to waltz
my flesh and blood
the addled moth eaten brain
and every bad feeling
i want to be with god
i want to be with you
i want to stroke your back
i want to feel your soft hair
and smell your clean so sterile
let you see yourself right
and everything else gone
please come back
most of all i miss you
let it drop from your heart
fall from your tongue
spark from your brain
and blossom from your spirit
why do i pray to you
why do i praise you even now
why were you worth so much
when i wasn't and aren't
ask god to guide me
and send me your blessing
let me love myself
and learn from your passing
so that i will be saved
and not damned to believe you
and believe in you
to the point of my suffering
so i don't fall for you
taking my exit
following suit
i can't take this now
i wasn't standing upright
and now i'm sinking into soil
let it ring out you were my soul
twins in confusion you just slightly
better than my abilities
my attention span
i want to die because you did
i can't survive because you couldn't
i hope there are better realities
than these inconvenient truths
lord save me from myself
and let me go only when there's nothing left to miss

 

[theleastofthese]

Valis;

That was stunning in its sorrow and regret and clarity of expression.:ohmy: Thru your poem I can feel how much you cared and how frustrated, angry, and sad you are. It's all in your words - every feeling just so. Beautifully sad but still beautiful.:smile: I welcome you to visit the Poet's Corner, if you haven't already done so, and to post any of your poems there. It's a great place to let it all out so the feelings won't implode inside you and do irreparable damage.

Again, I like your poem and I welcome you to the forum.

least

PS; love your signature!:smile:

 

[VALIS]

yeah, i just now noticed the poetry forum. i'll take my crappy poems over there the next time I need to post one

 

[theleastofthese]

If the rest of your poems are anything like the one for Brian - that is, heartfelt and sincere and beautiful - then I wouldn't be calling them crappy!:wink: To call them crappy would be to insult my taste in poetry, cause I like the one you've posted so far!:smile: :smile:

love,

least

This is a perfectly appropriate place to post your remembrance of Brian, or anyone else, as the forum name is Loved and Lost, so posting it here is/was a lovely, tho very sad, tribute to your friend.

 

[curtius]

Its not often I cry but this brought me to tears.

I admire your depth of emotion and Im sorry for all the reasons you feel it.

I hope I am able to love someone like you have someday, its when I will know I have lived.


Beautiful.



~C

 

[FoundAndLost1]

What everyone else said... That was so painful, POWERFUL, poignant and beautiful. I love the last 2 lines - from your lips to God's ear... your feelings come across so clear

May you heal with time - expression is sacred...

FAL1

 

[The_Discarded]

That's a wonderful poem. Powerful. An amazing display of emotion. I hope things get better for you-- I really do.

And yet I understand how you feel.

I lost my aunt to suicide when I was quite young. A long time ago. However, I remember her being my only saving grace. Days when my mother wouldn't come home, she'd come and pick me up and take me out for ice cream, and to the Pet Shoppe (I loved the Pet Shoppe), and then to the park.

And then, in what seemed so sudden, she was gone. Without a word, without one more day --one more hour-- at the park; gone.

Here's mine. I wrote it a while ago, though. It's been a year or so since I wrote this:

You had a blood fetish that I couldn't understand
You had me walking in your absence but still reaching for your hand
I was inhaling all your air after you had ceased to breathe
I was praying for your care once you thought it best to leave

You had me questioning my mother as she drowned her pain in liquor
You had me blowing out the candle when it was void of flicker
I was running to my father and waiting for his slap
I was afraid the sun would sleep and afraid to take a nap

You had me crying for your tears and sitting, deep in thought
You had me wishing for the years when I would heed what you taught
I was strangling myself in gasps and sickened, stifled sound
I was stepping over hell while you were buried in the ground

You had me listening for your story; your sob story in the rain
You had me reading bounds of letters full of hate, and fear, and pain
I was quiet out in public, and loquacious on my own
I was waiting in the cemetery for you to come back home

You had me crying mid-night and stumbling to the floor
You had my ear attent to bawling from behind the wooden door
I was already missing family, locked in unfamiliar walls
I was already missing you, heard your voice from 'round the hall

You had me thwarting my emotions and tearing up my views
You had me throwing away presents as I had nothing left to lose
I was ripping up your pictures, if I had any at all
I was alone and scattered, with no one to break my fall

You had me saving tears for later and cleaning Mommy's tiles
You had me watching her face, and just waiting for a smile
By day, I tossed her bottles and by evening I wasn't well
And by night, I was still crying.

And missing you
like

hell.

 

[theleastofthese]

Dear Discarded;

I'm glad you didn't discard this poem - it's lovely, tho sad.

Welcome to this life-saving forum.:smile: :smile:

least

 

[The_Discarded]

Dear Discarded;

I'm glad you didn't discard this poem - it's lovely, tho sad.

Welcome to this life-saving forum.:smile: :smile:

least

Thanks kindly.

 

[shadowcat]

i loved both poems