Poems....my last

Discussion in 'Poet's Corner' started by lost_child, May 22, 2008.

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  1. lost_child

    lost_child Well-Known Member

    do i want another day like the last
    another year stuck in the past
    another minute, living like this
    someone is surly taking the piss

    reminders everywhere I go
    just waiting for another blow
    taunted by fear
    not able to cry a single tear

    living with pain and fear
    wondering who is near
    not believing all the years
    life isn't what it appears

    people around me, believing i'm okay
    but its my own fault, as its what I say
    how do u say, ur falling apart
    and that your ready to depart?

    Emotionally, financially,
    mentally and physically
    everything destroyed
    my life just a void

    No sleep, being ill
    just pop another pill
    all this caused from the pain inside
    but still I choose to hide.

    the years I don't believe
    the years I don't want to relive
    but memories, thoughts insist I do
    no control over anything I do.

    the past your told to let go
    but how when you have no control
    even today, the past holds me
    restricting everything I do to a degree.

    I try to trust, but then get scared
    I try to talk, but words are mumbled
    I can't get close,
    men nor women

    sex, cuddles, just remind me.
    my body, clams down, no control again
    I've tried to change.
    but I've lost in every way.

    The feelings of loneliness,
    trapped in distress
    my heads so confused
    trying to understand why I was abused.

    Who, what, when and why
    questions, I ask myself
    when did it start, when does it end
    life is over I can't pretend.

    I'm shake with every unknown noise
    get jealous with others joys
    My head goes fuzzy
    I start to fade away.

    I feel so young, do things I can't explain
    feelings, emotions I can't contain
    explosions, eruptions
    cause me so much disruption.

    Tell me again, how I can live another day?
    Tell me again, how I can let go off the past?
    I can't so tonight will be my last.
    Sorry, its all gone on too long.

    but never mind its only me
    no1 care what happens to me
    if I live or if I die
    it will be a blessing in disguise.

    fairwell, one more person missing in the world.

    *************my teddy bear***********

    last night, as i cried a tear
    I held my teddy bear near.
    why had this single tear fell
    why couldn't I just yell.

    I held the teddy bear so tight
    was I starting to lose my fight
    memories took over my fate
    remembering years I've started to hate

    remembering the nights when a teddy was near
    when being scared, was shown with a tear
    when love was shown with a hug
    now realising it was love from a thug.

    the only time I was held near
    was when part of me would disappear
    with hands to cause physical pain
    and words that I can't begin to explain.

    A brothers love was punches to the head
    kicking me sometimes until I bled
    my sister banging my head against the wall
    to try and calm me from what I recall.

    my mum, was to busy with her life to care
    people said she was having an affair
    She says she knew something was wrong
    so why didn't she help us to belong.

    She would never cuddle you
    or say the words I love you.
    she wouldn't play a game
    unless it was to bring some shame.

    She was never proud of anything I done
    put me down, made me a no one.
    sent me away with every chance she had
    saying it was because I was bad.

    Be it to nan's, for more of the same
    to "Charlie's" for he's games
    even to my old mans when I younger
    given into he's and he's son's hunger.

    I don't remember all the years
    I hardly shed any tears
    can I share a secret, and admit I have fears
    and that life isn't what it appears.

    ********on my own********
    When I woke this morning I wasn't scared
    as I realised not a person in the world cared.
    I'd always been on my own
    always the person who was unknown.

    I don't want attention, I don't want care
    I don't even want someone to share
    I don't want anything in life.
    not now that I have my knife.

    I don't want a family, I don't want a friend
    then it won't hurt when I do want I intend
    Not that it matters anymore, I'm past that line
    god has finally given me a sign.

    I don't need people to tell me they understand
    or reach out they hand
    I don't need anyone
    to tell me this war can be won.

    All my life I've been the unknown
    always feeling and being so alone
    the person that sits on the outside
    hiding away as she has no pride

    Now that god has given me a sign
    I know what I have to do so I can be fine
    he knows there's nothing keeping me here
    He knows I have to run, never to feel fear

    Friends and Family won't even know
    as communication broke down along time ago
    Weeks will go past
    before they realise the other week was my last.

    ****the day I died****

    I couldn't reach out, I couldn't explain
    why I was feeling depressed and insane
    the thoughts that were set inside my mind
    I couldn't share, nor leave behind.

    I held onto the last bit of hope
    praying someone would throw me a rope
    I couldn't reach out nor find that friend
    somehow I had to find an end

    The phone calls I made late at night,
    were my cry for help from troubles and fright
    yet still I couldn't explain, couldn't reach out
    so alone I lived with my own fears and doubt.

    Thinking about life and how I would end my fears
    I started looking back through all the years
    trying to remember a time I felt loved
    but instead finding & feeling so unloved

    I couldn't explain, I couldn't reach outI
    couldn't even scream and shout.
    If I could have found that voice
    maybe now I would have a choice.

    I wished the pain would go away
    why was it there and why did it stay
    The silence I knew had to be broken
    but I couldn't do it, I was to heartbroken.

    Then when I told Mum I was going to die
    She wanted to form some tears in her eye
    if she had loved me or even showed she cared
    maybe then I could have been repaired.

    She never loved me, She never cared
    She left me alone frightened and scared
    She watched, llistened and she knew
    and yet to her abuse was taboo.

    so now the demons that held me for so long in their grasp
    the good old Lord decided to take me at last
    so now you can think about me in your head
    Because when you read this I will be dead

    Goodbye and fairwell my friend
    i loved you all from the start to the end
    Be strong, be kind, and never look to far behind
    always live for your own peace of mind.
  2. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    great poems, sad though...i especially liked the last one :arms:
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