Poetry Contest -- help

Discussion in 'Poet's Corner' started by carol2237, Apr 20, 2008.

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  1. carol2237

    carol2237 Guest

    Hello,

    I am thinking of entering a poetry contest where you submit 3-5 of your poems and such... but i need help choosing and editing... Below are some of the poems i have written and posted... thanks in advance!

    Is He Happy?
    He feels alone in the world
    Yet he is surrounded by people
    Is he happy?
    Yet another day at school passes
    Where he has no real friends
    Is he happy?
    He wears a mask to fit in
    Not letting his true self show
    Is he happy?
    Afraid of being rejected
    As has happened so many times before
    Is he happy?
    He feels empty walking though the halls
    Yet others see him as happy and carefree
    Is he happy?
    Maybe one day he will open up
    And let the feelings of hopelessness out
    Is he happy?
    But today is not that day
    Waiting until he can no longer take it
    Is he happy?
    How long will that take
    Minutes? Months? Years?
    Is he happy?


    Being Judged
    She wore her feelings on her wrists
    Hidden by sleeves of shame
    Afraid to open up to others
    Keeping feelings bottled up inside
    Being judged
    Sleepless nights were the worst
    Alone in the dark soundless room
    With far to much time to think
    About all the wrong in life
    Being judged
    Friends worried but said not
    Keeping out of possible trouble
    Pretending nothing changed
    Left friendships in pieces
    Being judged
    A mask she wears around others
    Not wanting her true self to show
    The poor depressed soul
    Afraid of nothing more than
    Being judged


    They are to blame for her Pain
    She runs the blade along her wrist
    It is her only love in life
    The one thing she can turn to
    And not worry about denial
    He is to blame for her pain

    He had said he loved her
    And she believed him
    Only to find him sleeping
    With other women
    He is to blame for this pain

    She thought of him as a brother
    He saw her as more
    Took her to a party
    And made her look like a whore
    He is to blame for this pain

    A bright man people called him
    But to the young girl of 7 years
    He was so much more
    A rapist she called him
    He is to blame for this pain

    So many to blame for the pain
    Yet so little she could do
    So she resorts to blades
    To let out the pain
    Blaming herself for still living

    They are to blame for her pain


    Giving Up
    He sits in his room all alone
    With the bottle of pills nearby
    It is the only way out he thinks to himself
    As his trembling hand pulls off the lid
    He pours out a handful unsure what to do
    Terror and guilt seize him as he swallows them down
    He blames god for his life of pain
    As he starts violently shaking he wonders what he had done
    Did he do the right thing by ending his life?
    Thoughts race through his unstable mind
    As his short life passes through his eyes
    It is then he realizes his life was not bad
    But it is to late he cannot undo the drugs he took
    They slowly overtake him as is gods will
    He had so much to live for, now never to be seen
    All because of one last mistake
    Giving up


    He Says he Loves her
    He says he loves her
    And she believes him
    And tries her best
    To please him
    But she is just human
    She makes mistakes
    Like everyone else
    He does not understand
    She hides her past
    Behind her mask
    Afraid to tell
    Even the one that loves her
    Not wanting to cause trouble
    Afraid to open up
    To remove the mask
    Would mean removing
    The one he knows her as
    But she is tired of pretending
    To be someone she is not
    In order for his love
    He loves her mask
    Not her true self
    He doesnt know her
    He just thinks he does
    Maybe one day
    But not today
    He says he loves her

    Never Knowing how many Cared
    The girl lay bleeding from the shot
    Staining the heart of those who loved her
    I am alone in the world she thought
    Friends distant and far between
    Never knowing how many cared

    Until she looked down on them
    At the right hand of the father
    She realized what she had done
    And wished her life back
    To undo the pain she caused
    Never knowing how many cared

    Hardest to see her family
    Crying over her still fragile body
    The day she was laid to rest
    Becoming another statistic
    For this suicide laden family
    Not knowing she was more
    Never knowing how many cared

    Flowers and cards poured into her past home
    Words of comfort and condolence
    Words of love and passion
    Words of grief and sorrow
    From everyone she knew
    Everyone who cared
    Who loved

    Never knowing how many cared


    Bellicose arguing
    Bellicose arguing
    Whats the point?
    To lay the blame
    Through faults
    Anathem flying
    Neither giving in
    Looking to lay the blame
    Where it doesn't belong
    Vituperative words
    Pour from his mouth
    Not able to contain it
    The faults of himself
    She stands with even equanimity
    Not letting his words
    Bring her down, for she knows
    He is to blame for this
    Waiting for his recumbent nature
    To shine through once more
    She knows he will be fine
    As she packs her bags
    Due to the one sided
    Bellicose arguing



    He awoke with a start
    He awoke with a start
    On that cold summer night
    A cool salty sweat covering his body
    He had had this dream before
    Nightmares of his childhood
    Back when he was young
    The memories of the nights
    Spent in the basement
    With his parents beating him
    Flashed in his mind
    Next came the dark days
    When his mother and father aped him
    Their words still rang clear
    From that day in first grade
    "You will never amount to anything"
    If only they could see him now
    With a nice house, respectful job
    And a loving family
    Sadness filled his heart
    As he realized their desperate struggle


    It was love
    The dreaded day came when he had to leave
    His pregnant wife and unborn child
    To serve his country like so many before him
    Knowing he may not make it back
    It was love
    Iraq was like no training he had ever had
    This was real, one mistake could end his life
    But when he was down, he thought of his family
    And all he had left behind back home
    It was love
    As the weeks wore on, he gained lasting friendships
    With those who were with him in war
    These friendships proved more than imaginable
    That one fatal day when another took a bullet for him
    It was love
    He dropped to his knees beside his dear friend
    Who muttered "your wife called"
    Before drifting into eternal sleep in the heavens
    To be with his father, the man up above
    It was love


    He lifted the veil
    He lifted the veil
    To her bright shining face
    The happy smile, teary eyes
    This must be a dream
    He doesn't deserve her
    Or so he thinks
    Her soft touch brings him back
    From that daydream
    Into reality, the truth
    He was married today
    Wedding bells chiming
    Rice is flying
    As the couple walk to the car
    Ready to start their lives together
    As he opens the hotel room door
    He opens his eyes
    To find himself alone
    In his cold dark room



    Oscillating
    Slowly swinging
    Back and forth
    Oscillating
    An end to her pain

    As the door opened
    He couldnt
    Comprehend
    The sight before him

    His heart pounding
    At the sight
    Disbelieving
    Tears ran down his cheeks

    His flesh and blood
    Unnatural blue
    Unmoving
    Hanging from the rafters

    He cut her down
    Unable to breathe
    Speechless
    Wondering why

    Her limp body fell
    Thudding, a noise
    Unforgettable
    Head meeting concrete

    He called for her
    She came running
    Petrified
    By the sound of his voice

    She fell to her knees
    Next to him
    Horrified
    By her baby's corpse

    Days turn to months
    Months pass like
    Molasses
    Unable to understand

    She opens the door
    To find him
    Oscillating
    Slowly swinging
    Back and forth



    Cowards
    People running in fear
    From the flaming buildings
    Others jumping from shattered windows
    In desperate hope
    Not ready to die
    What cowards they are
    Who did this to them



    The Choice
    Kneeling on a bed of plastic
    Bullets in an array before him
    Trying to decide which to use
    Dispite the apparent uniformity
    Hours passed, mind clouded
    Wanting this to end
    Without causing pain
    He knew there was a chance
    All he would hear is "click"
    If that is the case, he thought
    I will pack up and live another day
    Reaching for a golden bullet
    He stopped and said a prayer
    "Dear Lord, I dont want to live
    I dont want to hurt
    I cannot do this anymore
    Please let me go lord
    I need to be with you"
    After saying these words
    He loaded the gun
    And raised it to his head
    His heart suddenly racing
    As his finger flexed
    Pulling the trigger
    But in the end,
    Does it really matter?
    In the end, did it have to happen?
    It could have turned out for the better
    But would anyone have listened?

    Caroline​
     
  2. ~PinkElephants~

    ~PinkElephants~ Senior member

    I sent you an offline msn message.Let meknow when you get on what you think?
     
  3. ~PinkElephants~

    ~PinkElephants~ Senior member

    Hopefully this highlights the parts i fixed. Right now i just did the grammar/spelling bits.


    Is He Happy?
    He feels alone in the world
    Yet he is surrounded by people
    Is he happy?
    Yet another day at school passes
    Where he has no real friends
    Is he happy?
    He wears a mask to fit in
    Not letting his true self show
    Is he happy?
    Afraid of being rejected
    As has happened so many times before
    Is he happy?
    He feels empty walking through the halls
    Yet others see him as happy and carefree
    Is he happy?
    Maybe one day he will open up
    And let the feelings of hopelessness out
    Is he happy?
    But today is not that day
    Waiting until he can no longer take it
    Is he happy?
    How long will that take?
    Minutes? Months? Years?
    Is he happy?


    Being Judged
    She wore her feelings on her wrists
    Hidden by sleeves of shame
    Afraid to open up to others
    Keeping feelings bottled up inside
    Being judged
    Sleepless nights were the worst
    Alone in the dark soundless room
    With far too much time to think
    About all the wrong in life
    Being judged
    Friends worried but said naught
    Keeping out of possible trouble
    Pretending nothing changed
    Left friendships in pieces
    Being judged
    A mask she wears around others
    Not wanting her true self to show
    The poor depressed soulAfraid of nothing more than
    Being judged


    They are to blame for her Pain
    She runs the blade along her wrist
    It is her only love in life
    The one thing she can turn to
    And not worry about denial
    He is to blame for her pain

    He had said he loved her
    And she believed him
    Only to find him sleeping
    With other women
    He is to blame for this pain

    She thought of him as a brother
    He saw her as more
    Took her to a party
    And made her look like a whore
    He is to blame for this pain

    A bright man people called him
    But to the young girl of 7 years
    He was so much more
    A rapist she called him
    He is to blame for this pain

    So many to blame for the pain
    Yet so little she could do
    So she resorts to blades
    To let out the pain
    Blaming herself for still living

    They are to blame for her pain


    Giving Up
    He sits in his room all alone
    With the bottle of pills nearby
    It is the only way out he thinks to himself
    As his trembling hand pulls off the lid
    He pours out a handful unsure what to do
    Terror and guilt seize him as he swallows them down
    He blames God for his life of pain
    As he starts violently shaking he wonders what he had doneDid he do the right thing by ending his life?
    Thoughts race through his unstable mind
    As his short life passes through his eyes
    It is then he realizes his life was not bad
    But it is to late he cannot undo the drugs he took
    They slowly overtake him as is Gods’ will
    He had so much to live for, now never to be seen
    All because of one last mistake
    Giving up


    He Says he Loves her
    He says he loves her
    And she believes him
    And tries her best
    To please him
    But she is just human
    She makes mistakes
    Like everyone else
    He does not understand
    She hides her past
    Behind her mask
    Afraid to tell
    Even the one that loves her
    Not wanting to cause trouble
    Afraid to open up
    To remove the mask
    Would mean removing
    The one he knows her as
    But she is tired of pretending
    To be someone she is not
    In order for his love
    He loves her mask
    Not her true self
    He doesn’t know her
    He just thinks he does
    Maybe one day
    But not today
    He says he loves her

    Never Knowing how many Cared
    The girl lay bleeding from the shot
    Staining the heart of those who loved her
    I am alone in the world she thought
    Friends distant and far between
    Never knowing how many cared
    Until she looked down on them
    At the right hand of the father
    She realized what she had done
    And wished her life back
    To undo the pain she caused
    Never knowing how many cared

    Hardest to see her family
    Crying over her still fragile body
    The day she was laid to rest
    Becoming another statistic
    For this suicide laden family
    Not knowing she was more
    Never knowing how many cared

    Flowers and cards poured into her past home
    Words of comfort and condolence
    Words of love and passion
    Words of grief and sorrow
    From everyone she knew
    Everyone who cared
    Who loved

    Never knowing how many cared


    Bellicose arguing
    Bellicose arguing
    What’s the point?
    To lay the blame
    Through faults
    Anathem flying
    Neither giving in
    Looking to lay the blame
    Where it doesn't belong
    Vituperative words
    Pour from his mouth
    Not able to contain it
    The faults of himself
    She stands with even equanimity
    Not letting his words
    Bring her down, for she knows
    He is to blame for this
    Waiting for his recumbent nature
    To shine through once more
    She knows he will be fine
    As she packs her bagsDue to the one sided
    Bellicose arguing



    He awoke with a start
    He awoke with a start
    On that cold summer night
    A cool salty sweat covering his body
    He had had this dream before
    Nightmares of his childhood
    Back when he was young
    The memories of the nights
    Spent in the basement
    With his parents beating him
    Flashed in his mind
    Next came the dark days
    When his mother and father raped him
    Their words still rang clear
    From that day in first grade
    "You will never amount to anything"
    If only they could see him now
    With a nice house, respectful job
    And a loving family
    Sadness filled his heart
    As he realized their desperate struggle


    It was love
    The dreaded day came when he had to leave
    His pregnant wife and unborn child
    To serve his country like so many before him
    Knowing he may not make it back
    It was love
    Iraq was like no training he had ever had
    This was real, one mistake could end his life
    But when he was down, he thought of his family
    And all he had left behind back home
    It was love
    As the weeks wore on, he gained lasting friendships
    With those who were with him in war
    These friendships proved more than imaginable
    That one fatal day when another took a bullet for him
    It was love
    He dropped to his knees beside his dear friend
    Who muttered "your wife called"
    Before drifting into eternal sleep in the heavens To be with his father, the man up above
    It was love


    He lifted the veil
    He lifted the veil
    To her bright shining face
    The happy smile, teary eyes
    This must be a dream
    He doesn't deserve her
    Or so he thinks
    Her soft touch brings him back
    From that daydream
    Into reality, the truth
    He was married today
    Wedding bells chiming
    Rice is flying
    As the couple walk to the car
    Ready to start their lives together
    As he opens the hotel room door
    He opens his eyes
    To find himself alone
    In his cold dark room



    Oscillating
    Slowly swinging
    Back and forth
    Oscillating
    An end to her pain

    As the door opened
    He couldn’t
    Comprehend
    The sight before him

    His heart pounding
    At the sight
    Disbelieving
    Tears ran down his cheeks

    His flesh and blood
    Unnatural blue
    Unmoving
    Hanging from the rafters
    He cut her down
    Unable to breathe
    Speechless
    Wondering why

    Her limp body fell
    Thudding, a noise
    Unforgettable
    Head meeting concrete

    He called for her
    She came running
    Petrified
    By the sound of his voice

    She fell to her knees
    Next to him
    Horrified
    By her baby's corpse

    Days turn to months
    Months pass like
    Molasses
    Unable to understand

    She opens the door
    To find him
    Oscillating
    Slowly swinging
    Back and forth



    Cowards
    People running in fear
    From the flaming buildings
    Others jumping from shattered windows
    In desperate hope
    Not ready to die
    What cowards they are
    Who did this to them



    The Choice
    Kneeling on a bed of plastic
    Bullets in an array before himTrying to decide which to use
    Despite the apparent uniformity
    Hours passed, mind clouded
    Wanting this to end
    Without causing pain
    He knew there was a chance
    All he would hear is "click"
    If that is the case, he thought
    I will pack up and live another day
    Reaching for a golden bullet
    He stopped and said a prayer
    "Dear Lord, I don’t want to live
    I don’t want to hurt
    I cannot do this anymore
    Please let me go lord
    I need to be with you"
    After saying these words
    He loaded the gun
    And raised it to his head
    His heart suddenly racing
    As his finger flexed
    Pulling the trigger
    But in the end,
    Does it really matter?
    In the end, did it have to happen?
    It could have turned out for the better
    But, would anyone have listened?​
     
  4. carol2237

    carol2237 Guest

    A few more to add that i found as i was cleaning my room...

    Get Away She Cried
    Get away she cried
    That night he stole
    Her innocence
    Gone
    Never able to get it back
    As a lamb stripped
    of its wool
    Virginity
    Something she was proud of
    He took from her that night
    Unknowingly leaving her with child
    Unwanted
    Shuddering as he kissed her
    No one heard her screams
    That night she was
    Raped


    A single shot rang in the air
    A single shot rang in the air
    Marking the end of her bitter struggle
    As if anyone will care
    She had thought in anguish

    Miles away a man awoke
    Deep pain surging through his chest
    He knew she was gone, her life revoked
    A single tear ran down his cheek

    A single hole is dug in the ground
    Burrying her painful memory
    Dirt piled up into a mound
    Covering his love, life, dreams

    Rarely sober this man has become
    Drinking the pain away, unable to quit
    Waiting his death days come
    A single bottle has become his love

    A single action can hurt so many
    Everyone who knew and loved her
    All this pain simply because
    A single shot rang in the air​

    Caroline
     
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