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Pointless rant

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Didn't really know where to post this and I guess it's a bit pointless and I tend to write too much so I apologise in advance for this being ridiculously long, just wanted to say it somewhere to get it out of my system.

I had an appointment with a psychiatrist I've seen before. My mother was at the appointment with me so I felt the need to lie tree times. When I was asked if I had suicidal thoughts and whether I self harmed any more. I said no to both. I don't self harm as much as I used to but I still do. I feel a bit stupid for lying but I didn't want my mum to hear that another one of her kids doesn't want to be alive. :unsure: I also lied when asked if I'm ever paranoid about friends or family. Sometimes it just feels like they're in on it...
I'm being put back on fluoxetine but more 'long term' this time... However long that is. :unsure: I kind of feel like the psychiatrist doesn't really listen to me and I have real trouble putting across how I feel and such because a lot of the time I just feel like I'm not really here at all so it's hard to talk about emotions when I don't understand or even realise when I'm feeling a certain way.

I told her about hallucinations and 'unusual beliefs' were briefly spoken about. The only thing we really agreed on is that I constantly have them but they worsen when I'm depressed. Last time they purely treated the depression and the thoughts and hallucinations weren't dealt with. (I admit that it would have helped if I'd have said I was still experiencing them.)
She also said that I'm not suffering from psychosis because there's doubt there and that changes the diagnosis but there was still talk of maybe a small dosage of anti-psychotics... Kind of zoned out at that point because I have issues concentrating too long.

She pretty much said that because I still function normally they're not a huge issue. I can live with them to a certain extent but to be honest if they weren't effecting my functioning then I wouldn't bother asking for help. Not being able to use electronic devices for days, sometimes the occasional week because you think you're being monitored isn't functioning well in my opinion. Neither is feeling anxious because you think a shadow-type thing is following you home so you don't want to go out or having weird ideas about things that make no sense to anyone else and make you paranoid. I just want it to be at a level I can deal with it. I've given up on the idea of it all going away.

total eclipse

SF Friend
Staff Alumni
hi hun you need to get ahold of the psychiatrist and talk to him or her on your own better yet write a letter stating you could not talk openly with your mother there. Tell the doctor the truth because if you don't how can doctor heal you call doc back make a new appt okay the doc are not mind readers hun they need your help to get you better.
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