Pointless ranting.

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Jasv, Oct 23, 2014.

  1. Jasv

    Jasv Well-Known Member

    Sometimes when I'm depressed I'm not super sad. I'm content. Me wanting to kill myself makes sense. It's just that I feel like I have no importance, so what's the point? I'm literally just wasting space. All I do is waste food, take up room in school, and use up oxygen.. lol It's true, I'm a hog. I'm in college, but I don't care for it. I want to be a nurse, but I couldn't care less about it. I don't want to try and work hard. I don't want to do anything anymore. I hate school. I hate interacting with people. I truly hate everyone. Why do something that I hate? But I hate everything. I'm not happy, because I can't be. At least not in this world. Everyone makes matters worse because of religion, but truth of the matter is that not one single one of us knows anything more than the next. Every one of us is walking around clueless, but if I find out he's real, I'll kill him myself. I hate this world. This world is smothered with judgement and we're all going to die if we keep it up. And my stupid bloody parents couldn't care less about me. Their selfish creatures. You know when people call me? or pretend to care about me? When they fucking want something. It's like I'm an errand girl. People use me for my car and my money. This is what happens when I try', when I try to be happy. And if I don't comply, they'll hate me even more and make matters worse. No one can see me anyways. They see who they want to see, but they have no idea who's inside and that the me they see is completely dead and gone. They don't even know who I am, so when I am dead, they'll be remembering someone false. Someone who was an illusion. How fucked up is that? I won't even be remembered. They'll probably feel sad, since I won't be able to give them rides, but trust me, they'll get over it quick, because I'm just an extra in this world, someone with no importance. Friends? I had two and now their too busy hanging out with another girl that I don't even like. I don't care though. Friends are too much of a hassle. People are too much of a hassle period. I've just been depressed since middle school. I try to get out of it, but I tumble right back in. There's no hope for me and I accept that this is how I'm going to die. Maybe it's better this way, by my own hand. This world expects too much from me. I'm weak. I'm stupid. Compared to others, I'm ugly. I'm too short. I'm too sassy. I'm too sarcastic. I'm too hateful. No one likes me.. and they have a right not to, because I don't like me either. I think I'm better than everyone else, but I'm actually far less. Death is permanent? I sure hope so lol. No, I don't know what's in the after world. I have no idea, but I think it'll be better than this life. I'll take the chances too. Maybe one day in another life, I'll find someone who would actually love me for me and I'll be 'happy.' If you think about it, life is drowning with risk and It's my turn to take mine.
  2. Unknown_111

    Unknown_111 Forum Buddy Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Welcome to the forum. Wow, what a detailed post. Yes, you feel down at the moment but you are doing the right thing in writing down your feelings. At the moment, you feel down but with you are important and keep remembering that. Friends and family use you for this and that but that's a good thing you do. Never think different as YOU ARE YOUNG AND TAKE ALOT ON YOUR SHOULDERS. Please do not thing anything and you will get support here. We all understand your current feeling, so don't think you are alone in your crisis.

    You can PM me if you want to talk in private.