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Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by wheresmysheep, Mar 3, 2010.

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  1. wheresmysheep

    wheresmysheep Staff Alumni

    what is the point?
    why bother do anything?
    its not gonna turn out right.
    I'm always gonna do the wrong thing.
    i have a months supply of meds.
    why not end it all now
  2. wheresmysheep

    wheresmysheep Staff Alumni

    i cant do anything right
    i wont even make it to college
    cause i wont have my portfolio done
    cause i suck
    and i'm shit
  3. Scum

    Scum Well-Known Member

    Because you've fought to hard to throw the towel in now?

    Has something happened?
  4. wheresmysheep

    wheresmysheep Staff Alumni

    just everything, thinking of college, i wont get in, cause i'm not a good enough artist to finish my portfolio.
    then my mum, i tried to do right today, by looking after everything while she was in the pub, but no, my brothers room was messy, his school bag wasnt in the right place, the hoover was moved, the washing up hadnt been done (even tho i was starting it when she came home), the tv was on stand by, one of the cats were meowing.

    cant do anything so whats the point
  5. Scum

    Scum Well-Known Member

    To be honest, from the sounds of it, no matter what you do, your mum is always going to find something to fault, even if she has to create something. That is NOT your fault, that is down to her and her issues and insecurities. She is hurting you greatly with that emotional abuse and its not a surprise your self confidence and self esteem is lacking.

    What is it making you think you won't get your portfolio done?
  6. wheresmysheep

    wheresmysheep Staff Alumni

    the motivations not there, i know i'm not good enough so whats the point in doing it just to be shot down and rejected
  7. Scum

    Scum Well-Known Member

    That sounds like a self fullfilling prophecy. If you don't do it then you won't get in and can't do it, which goes with what your mum said. But if you do it, then there is every chance you will get in. You wouldn't have gone this far down the path unless somewhere inside, at some point, you believed you could, and its that you need to find and hold onto.

    You're not going to lose anything by trying your hardest to do it and handing it in, but if you don't do it, then there will only be one outcome.
  8. wheresmysheep

    wheresmysheep Staff Alumni

    i'm just so tried of trying and fighting and being strong and i dont know any more.
  9. Scum

    Scum Well-Known Member

    I really hear that. You're also in a toxic environment, which makes all the battles even harder. Is there anywhere you can go for a break from your mum?
  10. wheresmysheep

    wheresmysheep Staff Alumni

    not till the weekend i gotta try live through 2more days
  11. Scum

    Scum Well-Known Member

    Could you maybe use those two days to just lock yourself away from your mum and just focus hard on your portfolio and just give it everything you have? Maybe channel your emotions into it?
  12. butterflies32

    butterflies32 Well-Known Member

    Sheep hun,

    It all sounds really difficult for you right now and that you are not seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. I know many people who would miss you if you decided to end your life. Your brother for one...me...sam...joe and many other people on here. You are such a great support to us all that we are here to support you back...that is what this comunity is all about...supporting each other and I am glad that you have felt able to post this thread and try and talk to us.

    I am sure your art work is amazing. Not everyone can draw I know I can't. Well I can design but drawing something so meaningful and beautiful I manage to make ugly. Do you find comfort when you draw? I am wondering that when things get really hard maybe picking up a pencil and doodle or anything on a piece of paper might help. For me a good artist draws emotion...how they feel either directly or through Colour...look at Van Gogh for example...he was a very messed up man and has been able to draw amazing pictures. Use your feelings to draw. It doesn't matter what it is. I know that you will get your portfolio done...and I know you will get into art college. Dont give up with this dream.

    Sometimes taking a break from everything helps but sometimes it isn't possible and for you it seems like it isn't possible. I know it might sound stupid and something that you will be like NO WAY!!!! to but can you write a letter to your mum. Tell her that you try your best always but you feel for her it never is good enough...that you dont know how else you can try and please her.

    Stay with us. Here if you want to chat...either on here or through PM.

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