First post on this forum. I've been playing poker since i was 17. I loved it. In highschool i was top of my class, my lowest mark being a 98 in math. I got accepted into pre-med at university, where i continued to play poker. At first i was a breakeven/losing player at low stakes, but gradually progressed. In my first summer off, i made $30 000, and i spent pretty much all of it. I began to eat out at restaurants everyday, buy expensive clothes, and going to strip clubs and eventually escorts. I would park my car in places i wasnt supposed to park just because i could afford parking tickets. A few years passed, and i made a little more money, and spent a little more money too. I went to las vegas twice, first time i lost about $6000 in 2 days, the second time i went for a week and lost around 10-$15000 playing bellagio cup events. Fast forward a little bit, i am now 22 years old... i'm still up a little bit at poker, but not much at all... especially for how much time i put into the game. I just had my biggest losing month ever. Over the last 4 years, i've struggled with some major depression that has led to some weird behaviour. I would often harass people over the internet, troll people i knew IRL, or just be an asshole to everyone around me. I lost friends, got into arguements with family... I used to be really good/decent looking in highschool but now i've gained a good 40 lbs. I used to volunteer at the emergency room @ the hospital, donate money to the humane society, and help with children shelters. Over the years i helped a lot of my friends. I've lended them money, my time, i would drive for hours at a time to send them places because i felt bad for them not having a car or whatever... I've been scammed by so many people...but i take it all in. Nowadays i really dont know what im good for. I used to be in pre-med. I got kicked out and graduated with a regular BSc. I had one of the biggest losing months ever. I'm overweight... i dont have many friends. Right now the only thing that is holding me together is the fact that my dog relies on me and that i enjoy his company. There really is nothing left for me i feel.