Poll: How long have you been suicidal? Had suicidal thoughts?

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by DannyBoy, Dec 2, 2010.


Suicidal for how long?

  1. 1-6 days

    1 vote(s)
  2. 1 week

    0 vote(s)
  3. 2-4 weeks

    0 vote(s)
  4. 2-6 months

    3 vote(s)
  5. 7 months to 1 year

    2 vote(s)
  6. 1 - 2 years

    4 vote(s)
  7. 3 - 4 years

    9 vote(s)
  8. 5 - 6 years

    5 vote(s)
  9. 7 years

    5 vote(s)
  10. 7 + years or most of my life

    29 vote(s)
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  1. DannyBoy

    DannyBoy Well-Known Member

    I've only been suicidal for the past couple months, but it's pretty severe because my future looks bad. I don't have anymore distractions. I used to depend on escapism, but that's fading. Benzos and other drugs seem to be the only thing that take my mind off suicide.

    Just curious
  2. nobody man

    nobody man Well-Known Member

    First suicidal thought was in 3rd grade but I wouldn't say I was "suicidal" until 7th so that would make it 7 years.
  3. DannyBoy

    DannyBoy Well-Known Member

    How long can someone survive in with a suicidal mind? It seems you're doing ok, what's your trick?
  4. dazzle11215

    dazzle11215 Staff Alumni

    i was first suicidal at age 12. i'm 45 now. 3 failed attempts over the years. some good years, some bad years. diagnosed as bipolar at age 19, ignored it for 20 years (no treatment, no meds), rediagnosed at 42. the most important thing i have learned is to check myself into the hospital if i am feeling like hurting myself and i am bad enough to be on the verge. have been in the hospital 5 times in the last 2 years. glad i never carried through on my plans.
  5. aoeu

    aoeu Well-Known Member

    Since Christmas 2007. I'm wildly bipolar, though, so it frequently varies between almost doing it and having no desire at all to do it.
  6. dazzle11215

    dazzle11215 Staff Alumni

    we should form a toronto bipolar club! i'm here too.
  7. aoeu

    aoeu Well-Known Member

    I'm moving to Alberta in 28 days.
  8. dazzle11215

    dazzle11215 Staff Alumni

    good luck in alberta! only ever been to edmonton, boy it was cold. are you looking forward to the move?
  9. aoeu

    aoeu Well-Known Member

    No. I'm going to land in Edmonton on the coldest day of the year, ripped from the pleasantly warm Toronto winter.
  10. Obnoxiously_Pretentious

    Obnoxiously_Pretentious Active Member

    Let's see...I'd say I've been dysthymic/depressed for 8 years (since 7th grade), have idealized and obsessed relentlessly about suicide for 4 years, but have only been in real critical danger of going through with it during a 2-3 week period of my Sr year of high school.

    As for how long one could survive with suicidal urges really depends on it's intensity and what the individual has to lose. I had a lot to lose, but even still, I would have probably only given myself another week or so before I decided it would be best just to do it. I was very lucky it diminished back to a non-life threatening inconvenience.

    I come from a very loving and supporting family who have done their best to give me the best they could offer. Often, when I was feeling really, really low, I'd force myself to imagine my parents finding their first born child dead in her bed. It'd be traumatizing for them!!! Would they think it was their fault? That they did something wrong? What would be the long-term psychological effects? I had a very limited circle of friends (okay...like none), but I felt like my parents were deserving of all my efforts to keep myself alive.

    Of course after a week, this method alone wasn't enough to deter me from suicide anymore. Forcing myself to wait until I was out of the house was much, much too long. It'd be several months until I'd be housed at college! Fortunately, however, I was a very accomplished distance runner with pride in my sport, adoring respect for my coaches, and love for my team. Not to brag, but this was the one thing I was really good at and I was critical to win several meets. I'd be put in 3 relays for an upcoming invitational and I'd tell myself 'Okay, coach worked really hard to put together a game plan and I can't ruin it for my teammates in those relays. We need those points. I should put off suicide for 3 more days until the meet is over.' And I'd put off suicide for 3 more days. But then I'd have an upcoming duel meet. So then I'd tell myself: 'This duel meet is going to be really close. If I run my races well, I could probably win 7 points by myself. It could mean the difference to winning and losing.' So I'd put off suicide for another 4 days to run my heats first. But, that upcoming Saturday is going to be another invitational...

    The point is, what worked for me was baby steps. Refraining from suicide forever was a dreadful, painful idea. But putting it off for 3 days wasn't so bad. I kept doing that until finally I woke up one morning: depressed but no longer craving death. I don't know if you have anything similar in your life, but I'm telling you that I owe my life to Track and Field.My best wishes to you.
  11. Pip28

    Pip28 Well-Known Member

    For me it's as long as I can remember so over 20 years.

    As a boy I told my Nan I wanted to die and would ask her every night if I was going to wake up in the morning, I think she thought it was attention seeking.

    As a teenager I never spoke to anyone about it and believed it was a normal thing to experience and I would grow out of it.

    Only in the last few months have I come to terms with the fact that I will always be a little broken.
  12. nolonger

    nolonger Well-Known Member

    I tend to think things went down hill maybe 4 or 5 years ago. It's just progressively gotten worse. But it has changed in ways I'd never thought would happen, good ways that is. Sometimes I'm just so scared of being happy, because when you're up you can go down. But when you're down, you can't get any worse. It just becomes a drone of a life to live. I don't do anything with it. I'm slowly giving up. I've pretty much given up already. I'm just waiting for the moment when I can make that decision to fuck up my life so badly that the only thing left to do is kill myself.

    Life just gets to a point where you don't know what to do.
  13. nobody man

    nobody man Well-Known Member

    I'm a complete coward and can't do it... *shrugs* It works I guess.
  14. DrNick1010

    DrNick1010 Well-Known Member

    I've struggled with suicide ideation since I was 18, but it only became really strong, as in thinking of actual methods, a couple of years ago. It went away for a year, but recently has all come back. I can tell today's going to be a good day, but I've honestly never felt as close to suicide as I have over the past several weeks.
  15. wastedmylife

    wastedmylife Well-Known Member

    I am not allowed to vote but 1-2 years, 3 years ago I was the opposite of a suicidal person, I could never figure out why someone would want to kill themselves, I still cant figure out why a healthy person would want to kill themselves, I bet most people here are not really suicidal
  16. DannyBoy

    DannyBoy Well-Known Member

    Well I guess if you're still scared of it then that's a good sign.
  17. cdh

    cdh New Member

    Last edited by a moderator: Dec 4, 2010
  18. Rukia

    Rukia Well-Known Member

    At least 10 years. I don't remember when it started, but I know I was suicidal 10 years ago.
  19. PiecesMended

    PiecesMended Well-Known Member

    since the age of about 12-13 so about 2-3 years. After constantly being told how worthless I am throughout childhood by different people. I have my method now but I get random mood swings so I just wait 'cause I know I'll get happy again I guess? Also my therapist makes me write out a list of reasons I want to do it and then helps me with a list of reasons why I shouldn't do it. (I can only do the second list with help)
  20. DannyBoy

    DannyBoy Well-Known Member

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