:sweetheart: is it strange that the emoti that looks the most like a poop is actually a heart... or... a melting chocolate heart... or whatever the hell it is? I feel like poop. I'm sure just about everyone else on SF feels the same, though. Drained. I'm emotionally drained... or something... and stuff. I don't really wanna talk- but for anyone who cares; I'm alive still. hi. I stayed out of my bed all day long, did some chores, worked out a bit- cooked dinner for the whole family; made english style battered fish and chips with key lime pie for dessert... but I didn't feel anything when I was cooking, or when everyone praised me for it being good. I couldn't even taste my food. It might as well have just been a pile of shit on my dinner plate- because it would've all tasted the same to me. A friend told me today that he and his new girlfriend are expecting a baby. I felt a bit jealous for a moment... I wanted a baby... they made a mistake and didn't really want a baby- and have only been together for a month and a bit... and they get a baby? They get to be happy and I'm miserable still. Um- good for him, congrats, or some shit... I really don't care a whole lot though. I just feel bitter. I feel bitter and I hate myself. Everyone I know have jobs and boyfriends/girlfriends- relationships... having babies... I had all of those; I wanted babies... I would've had some with the man whom I always thought was my soul mate but, no. Sucks to be me, I guess. I'll stay alone until I die now, because I have very little trust in any other living being and would never be able to open myself up enough to anyone. Who the hell else would be patient enough with me to wait a whole YEAR into a relationship before they got a kiss? Who would wait 6 years before I'd kiss them in public? No one would put up with that!! Fuck sakes- no guy alive would put up with my insecurities- not even a friggin' saint could! That's why he broke up with me, and that's why I'll be alone until I get the courage to finally do myself in! Hell, I'm just going on and on now... and here I was- thinking I didn't want to talk at all... -___- anyways; I'm unhappy. What's new? Take care, I guess... I'll be around. probably. I'm medicated, I'm seeing 2 therapists and I'm unhappy-- but I guess I'm safe. Don't worry about me... not that you would, but you know.