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Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by KittyGirl, Feb 25, 2010.

  1. KittyGirl

    KittyGirl Well-Known Member

    :sweetheart: is it strange that the emoti that looks the most like a poop is actually a heart... or... a melting chocolate heart... or whatever the hell it is?
    I feel like poop.
    I'm sure just about everyone else on SF feels the same, though.
    I'm emotionally drained... or something... and stuff.
    I don't really wanna talk- but for anyone who cares; I'm alive still. hi.

    I stayed out of my bed all day long, did some chores, worked out a bit- cooked dinner for the whole family; made english style battered fish and chips with key lime pie for dessert... but I didn't feel anything when I was cooking, or when everyone praised me for it being good.
    I couldn't even taste my food.
    It might as well have just been a pile of shit on my dinner plate- because it would've all tasted the same to me.

    A friend told me today that he and his new girlfriend are expecting a baby.
    I felt a bit jealous for a moment... I wanted a baby... they made a mistake and didn't really want a baby- and have only been together for a month and a bit... and they get a baby? They get to be happy and I'm miserable still.
    Um- good for him, congrats, or some shit... I really don't care a whole lot though. I just feel bitter.
    I feel bitter and I hate myself.
    Everyone I know have jobs and boyfriends/girlfriends- relationships... having babies...
    I had all of those; I wanted babies... I would've had some with the man whom I always thought was my soul mate but, no.

    Sucks to be me, I guess.
    I'll stay alone until I die now, because I have very little trust in any other living being and would never be able to open myself up enough to anyone.
    Who the hell else would be patient enough with me to wait a whole YEAR into a relationship before they got a kiss? Who would wait 6 years before I'd kiss them in public? No one would put up with that!! Fuck sakes- no guy alive would put up with my insecurities- not even a friggin' saint could! That's why he broke up with me, and that's why I'll be alone until I get the courage to finally do myself in!

    Hell, I'm just going on and on now... and here I was- thinking I didn't want to talk at all... -___-
    anyways; I'm unhappy. What's new?
    Take care, I guess...
    I'll be around. probably.

    I'm medicated, I'm seeing 2 therapists and I'm unhappy-- but I guess I'm safe.
    Don't worry about me...
    not that you would, but you know.
  2. ozbound

    ozbound Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    I can relate to a lot of what you say my insecurities is a lot of what does me in, in relationships I rush to love and get hurt I don't have a lot of friends because i'm too insecure as well. I trust too easily you would of thought I would have learnt by now but no. I take medication which works for awhile till my body gets used too it then all the thoughts and feelings come rushing back. There never far away anyway.

    Just wanted to let you know that your not alone though and I wish you well.
  3. rojomi

    rojomi Banned Member

    1 of my best friends taught me this- you gain NOTHING by trusting anyone. She loves & is loved but she's right. That, and life is not fair are the best lessons I ever learned.
  4. mcviking

    mcviking Well-Known Member

    I know that feeling. I SEETHE every time I see a happy couple. Especially my friends. They all leave me and I am just the loser single guy. Great fun to be the third wheel. No matter what I do I am never good enough for girls. 40+ girls and I still haven't found ONE person that said I love you, I like you, I enjoy being with you, they just USE, USE, USE!!! I see assholes with great girl friends, guys that lie and cheat and their girl friends worship the ground they walk on. But no matter what they always leave me. "Your so nice but I can't be with you. Your like a big brother. I don't want to lose your friendship." Please just say what you really think because these words make me want to gut myself in front of them and thrown my vital organs in their face. All I want is to hear I love you and start a family and be happy. Yeah very girly but whatever. I am tired of the games.

    Anyway, sorry to jack your thread but yeah you aren't the only person that feels this way.
  5. KittyGirl

    KittyGirl Well-Known Member

    In other news; my step sister who has always been rude and inconsiderate of everyone in existence- has mono.
    The doctors misdiagnosed her at first and the medication they gave her made her break out in a FULL BODY RASH!

    This.... makes me happy in a small way. It's like; Karma. Suck it, bitch! That's what you get for pushing me down the stairs and never saying 'thankyou' for ANYTHING-- acting like an entitled brat!
    I'm empathetic for her pain though... the rash must be extremely uncomfortable and mono can take a loooong time to recover from. :(

    also- I think I've gotten it as well.
    I've got some of the same symptoms as her; aside from the rash- and there's no other way I could've gotten sick other than her sabotaging me because she fucking hates me. -___-
    I never leave my room, and this is one of the reasons; I get sick very easily.
    The only reason I can get sick these days though would be somewhere along the lines of.... a family member coming into my room when I'm in the bathroom- and coughing all over my pillow or something.
    Thanks, Candace.
    I don't like you one bit and this doesn't help.

    ... to give you all an idea of how rude she's been to my mom, brother and I- I'll list a few of the things she does daily; to offend us.
    (keep in mind, too- she's the same age as me. 21- never left home and *just* got her first job.)
    - does not say thankyou for anything (rides to work, since she doesn't have her licence and does not plan to get one... eating a hot meal prepared by another member of the household, recieving a thoughtful gift on any given holiday)
    -refuses to empty the dishwasher; claiming that the 'hermit' should do it because she does not work. (hermit-- refers to me because I don't leave my room. I STILL manage to pay rent; I cook and clean for the rest of the house on a daily basis and I'm polite to my family even when I want to kill myself and hate the world. yes... she actually calls me a hermit. she doesn't understand the difference between a hermit and a person with agoraphobia)
    -she has her own washroom on HER FLOOR OF THE HOUSE (yeah... she has a whole floor to herself. -__-) and still uses the one washroom that the 4 other people in the house have to share. locks us out and screams at us when we ask her how long she's going to be.
    -verbally abuses my little brother the moment he comes in the door from school; finding ANY excuse to yell at him.
    -mutters 'stupid bitch', 'slut', 'ugly *****' whenever I am in the kitchen with her and pretends that she didn't say anything.

    ...there's so much more I could say, but I'm sure I've said enough... -___-
    She's a miserable person and I feel bad for her because she will never be a sincere and compassionate person. She only cares about herself and one day- her friends will realize what a two faced person she is and leave her all alone.

    and after reading that back to myself, I have to say one more time-- Karma! SUCK IT! and I hope that her rash is severely painful and that she doesn't get over her mono for a year.
    That's what you get for making out with your 8 boyfriends and claiming to be an innocent virgin, C~ and now your throat is filled with puss. Learn your lesson!! :smug: