porn....

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by Lady Byron, Apr 13, 2011.

  1. Lady Byron

    Lady Byron Well-Known Member

    If someone has cheated on u before, is it ok that they watch porn behind ur back? I am so at odds right now. I have watched porn and when I was unatisfied sexually, I did watch some, but we have sex a lot, so idk how he could be unsatisfied. I'm just so confused right now.
     
  2. me myself and i

    me myself and i Account Closed

    Hi there, some men use porn purely for the "filth" factor, even though they are in loving relationships.
    Personally i think that sucks.
    I think you should talk to him about this, i would not call it cheating exactly, but i would call it disrespectful, hurtful and from what you have said, totally un necessary.
    Porn is cold, porn is unreal but love and a good relationship are not.
    You deserve better, dont settle for anything less.
     
  3. Mirikun

    Mirikun Well-Known Member

    I personally actually think that porn is okay. To me, at least, masturbation is something completely different than sex and a loving relationship. I think the urge to look at pornography is completely normal and you shouldn't worry too much about that! :) I'm personally not attracted to any porn either, but if you think about it it really has got nothing to do with love and sex in real life. If your partner would sexually ignore you because of the porn, that would be a serious problem.

    The biggest problem I see here is the fact that they're doing it behind your back... :/ That really sucks. Do they deny it or...? You should really talk to them about it!

    Good luck and stay strong. <3
     
  4. Lady Byron

    Lady Byron Well-Known Member

    Well I did ask. He said its cause I'm not there all the time and because he wants to find "new moves" even tho he's been watching porn for at least 15 years so idk how many "new moves" he can find. And then I asked him what he gets from it and he said just frustration and getting turned on. This killed every little ounce of ego I had left which was almost at zilch anyway. I'm just feeling really hurt and stupid.
     
  5. Lady Byron

    Lady Byron Well-Known Member

    Oh, and I don't have a problem with porn. What I have a problem with is knowing one, he has cheated on me before so I know he looks at other women that way, and two, because he keeps changing his answer. Like he said he was looking for moves but it doesn't turn him on, then that he gets lonely when I'm not there, and then that he gets frustrated and turned on. The biggest issue for me is that it was like a slap in the face, like he is unsatisfied with me.
     
  6. me myself and i

    me myself and i Account Closed

    Perhaps he should be working on "new" moves with you and not alone.
    Like i say, you deserve better.
    If this hurts you so much, you need to do something about it.
    Be kind to yourself first, only then can you be truely kind to others.
    Dont kid yourself, if he is choosing porn over your wishes............ is he worth it?
    Sorry dont mean to be harsh, just honest.
     
  7. ELLIEANDMONKEY

    ELLIEANDMONKEY Well-Known Member

    I'm female and I love porn. I don't have a partner but when I did it absolutely meant nothing bad....it was just something I liked to do.

    Also I don't always want sex....sometimes I prefer plain ol masturbation. Nothing against my partner....it's just something different that I enjoy.

    Don't take it personally.
     
  8. Lady Byron

    Lady Byron Well-Known Member

    Well, he said he would stop watching it. But I don't know how to trust him because he has cheated on me and lied about his gambling problem. We are trying to work things out, but I have no trust at all. My family doesn't like what he's done to me. And my mom thinks subconciously I think I deserve to be treated like shit.
     
  9. Mirikun

    Mirikun Well-Known Member

    I totally agree!
    Although I'm only into drawings/2D porn, I also sometimes just feel like masturbation. It has nothing to do with the sexual relationship with my partner. :)
     
  10. dillinger1982

    dillinger1982 Member

    This just isn't true. We, as men, will always want to look at and achieve orgasm to pornography. It has nothing to do with you, or any inadequacies with your sexual life. It merely helps satiate the built-in desire that the male of the species has for multiple partners. (And you just have to understand that for millions of years our species and its predecessors were simply not meant to be monogamous).
    Please don't misunderstand me. Looking at pornography doesnt mean he WANTS to cheat, and it also doesnt mean he's bored with you or your sex life. It's just a little treat for his eyes and glans, and a little treat for that bundle of nerves buried deep in his brain that still thinks he should be hunting elk with a spear and knocking up all the women in his grass village.
    He hides it probably because he thinks you won't understand that. It's not unusual for women to think the way you do, and it's to be understood. As a female that has one of the longest pregnancy periods of any mammal, you are hardwired since the dawn of man to be extremely selective and monogamous. Trying to understand how a man's urge to spread his seed works is like me trying to understand why my dog continues to wrap his chain around my rosebush and get stuck there until i free him. It's most likely not going to happen.
    Try asking him to watch some with you. I'm sure there's at least some kind of adult entertainment you would be comfortable with. Break the taboo, and you'll probably both find things you like. it's always worked for me.
     
  11. Lady Byron

    Lady Byron Well-Known Member

    We have watched it together tho. At the beginning of our relationship when we didn't have sex and I just can't do it for some reason. I get embarrassed. Like its dirty and it still makes me feel like I'm not good enough for him because he feels he has to do that. I know if it was the other way around, he would be furious with me and he would feel hurt too.
     
  12. dillinger1982

    dillinger1982 Member

    if you think he really would be furious with you, then maybe it really is time to look at your relationship and ask how sexually open you are with each other. Like it or not, sex is a major part of any relationship, and definitely not something that should be putting up barriers between the two of you. Also, a lack of communication in sexual affairs usually means a lack of communication most other matters as well
     
  13. ELLIEANDMONKEY

    ELLIEANDMONKEY Well-Known Member

    Porn is not dirty...it is awesome. Don't ever think it is.

    I've watched all kinds of porn and get turned on by all kinds of things. It's human nature.
     
  14. Lady Byron

    Lady Byron Well-Known Member

    Well, currently, we aren't living together because I need space. He's hurt me a lot and I've been trying to heal myself but I went over last night so we could hang out and I opened our computer andall these porn sites were showing up on it. When I asked he got quiet and then said yes he had been but that it had been for a few seconds and then he didn't want to watch it because it did nothing for him. But then this morning he said other stuff.
     
  15. Lady Byron

    Lady Byron Well-Known Member

    How do I stop feeling like porn is dirty? I only feel like that when I'm watching it with others. So if u can teach me how to stop feeling like that then I will take ur advice.
     
  16. ELLIEANDMONKEY

    ELLIEANDMONKEY Well-Known Member

    First watch it by yourself and don't just watch but masturbate to what you like. That's a start.

    You will quickly find what turns you on after you watch a few videos.
     
  17. Lady Byron

    Lady Byron Well-Known Member

    But I don't think porn is dirty. And I have watched it before. That's just how I feel when I watch it with him. Like its wrong even tho I know sex is normal.
     
  18. Wastingecho

    Wastingecho Well-Known Member

    from what you said i don't think porn itself is the problem, it's the lack of trust in the relationship, the cheating, gambling, etc...

    both of you need to sit down and figure out what it will take to regain that trust and decide if it is worth the effort - it won't be easy
     
  19. ELLIEANDMONKEY

    ELLIEANDMONKEY Well-Known Member

    Bingo.

    When you find someone you truly trust you will love watching porn with them!
     
  20. fooror

    fooror Well-Known Member

    All men watch porn. Worry not. :)