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Pose

#1
Don't know about friends, since never had any, but dealing with my folks becomes a great struggle at times. Sometimes, its not even their fault but I've to bear the repercussions everytime. Just don't able to make any sense of things going on around. Been going through nervous breakdown and several anxiety attacks for past three days. There seems no pleasure in daily activities and there is a constant weariness in the body and everyday becomes a struggle between life and death. Even getting out of bed is an insurmountable pain in the head. There seems simply no will, desire or any interest to pursue. As if, I shouldn't be thinking. The parents don't have any idea of my shriveling life and I'm too hesitant to open up. They think everything is alright and behaving accordingly. I don't think they would get the shit I'm dealing with either for they're too old, both around 45 years older to understand. There's no one to share my feelings and anxiety with, sometimes I don't even myself understand why I'm in a state of antsy let alone sharing it with others. Tried to hang myself twice, failing both times. I don't have a will to keep dragging myself for another heck of a day. I'm a financial burden on my parents and I don't think I'll ever be productive, I'm a burden on the society and they're are a burden on me. I've no dreams for future, I hate everyone and probably they do hate me too. I'm not able to picture any reason to live when I'm already dying inside. It's always a sense of regret and misery for my parents for they're so unfortunate to have me as their damned son. They deserved a better one, I'm a failure and good for nothing. I can't even die with peace since that would devastate my emotionally fragile and weak folks and exacerbate their already present sufferings to an unfathomably excruciating level. I'm a disgrace and if anything, I must have been estranged by them to let me die in obscurity and end my pain but they just want to cling along me and want to see their kid raising to heights of personal, social and commercial success just what ever other parent would want. While they're unaware of the heck of their looser child who can never stand upto their expectations and don't even dare to confess his failure but concealing it. Nonetheless, things are gonna come out one day and I wish I'd not be there to see that day.
 
#2
It's really not reasonable for a parent to put performance expectations on their child the way your parents have.

Maybe with some treatment methods and some changes, you can get to a place where you're ok.
 

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