I've been taking pretty good care of myself lately. It's been a while since I used SI as a way out, and I must say that I'm really proud. The unfortunate fact is that I'm still really depressed. I've been able to resist SI, but why is it that I still contemplate suicide almost constantly? I've been stuck on WHEN I'll do it instead of IF I'll do it. And I'm not so afraid anymore. I guess I'm more upset that no one seems to notice the state I'm in because I'm so freakin great at pretending things are ok....or at least disguising things as normal....idk. Basically, I'm a ticking time bomb. No one knows where or when I'll go off, but it's inevitable. I'm just here to update. SF is the friends and family that I wish I had in real life. People that know the truth. People who I'm honest and open with. People that truly understand where I'm coming from. Thanks guys. It means a lot.