positivity makes people like you

Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by endlessskies58, Feb 24, 2010.

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  1. endlessskies58

    endlessskies58 Well-Known Member

    so... i've found some self esteem thanks to a new guy in my life and he's replenished a lot in the sense that i remember what it feels like to be NORMAL...

    i am seeing the world without the self destructive thoughts... the self hate... everything is so much simpler... and i see life clearly... like the clouds have lifted


    i was SO suicidal... SO destructive

    but this new replenishment in self esteem... its made me realize a lot...

    people like you so much less when you're sad then if you're happy. people don't invite 'downers' out... they want positive vibes...

    i've lost so many friendships and made so many enemies because of my depression... and the whole time i thought it wasn't being sad... it was that i was acting stupid...

    so if you can find that ounce of self esteem... hopefully within yourself...

    once you find some happiness... try to keep it...

    because your progress can only get better if you have a positive outlook on things... people will like you more... success will be more obtainable...

    isn't it weird how that works?


    i never even thought about it or realized it until now...
     
  2. darkrider

    darkrider Well-Known Member

    i realised this too since i 'parted ways' so to speak with a girl.

    the realisation makes me want to kill myself even more. people will take what they can get, no one really cares.
     
  3. Bonifide C

    Bonifide C Member

    endlessskies58

    I'm very happy that you found a new spark in your life! It was a while ago that I too realize that people don't want to be around sad people even if you were the nicest person in the world. Even nice people would rather be friends with a happy but mean person than a sad but nice person. Happy people always tend to get reinforcement that continue to make them happy. While sad people tend to get negative reinforcement.

    I will give you a story of my experience but I am currently busy at the moment.
     
  4. Monsieur

    Monsieur Well-Known Member

    It's a pretty vicious cycle. The lonely and despondent are isolated and pushed further away, while the happy and well adjusted are given further reinforcement. Like what Darkrider said, most people, no matter what they try to say to mask it, tend to follow the utilitarian capitalist approach for friends rather then the humanitarian approach. If they can't provide some sort of support/reinforcement/gain then most people would rather toss the friend and move on the next who can support.

    Yup. It's a lovely life in the competitive fast lane.

    ~Monsieur
     
  5. mcviking

    mcviking Well-Known Member

    Being sad is ok. But I have had friends like that. And I understood them too. I usually take them under my wing because I have been there. I have been on both sides of the street. When I feel happy I want to be around other happy people. When I am sad, I want to commiserate. I think its natural. If someone is being a downer all the time of course no one wants to hang with them.

    Sometimes everyone needs a hand to help them pick them back up. I have both given that had and received it many times. But I have also been in situations where people won't help themselves. They drain you and bring out the negativity in you too. The person becomes toxic.

    When I beat my chronic depression I had an emptiness in me. But not the same kind of emptiness that I had while being chronically depressed. It was that unknown feeling. Misery was pain but misery was familiar. I didn't know what else to feel. I felt nothing. Not happy and not sad, not blank, just normality.

    And a little bit of confidence, forgiveness and letting go made all the difference in the world. I feel that the root of depression is anger and unforgiveness. Whether its against someone who hurt you, the world, society for allowing things that happened to you; or even yourself. If you hate someone the only one that is affected by it is you. I took me a long time to realize that. So I just let it go. Swallowed some of my pride and let it go. I was better for it.

    Is my life perfect now? Do I not get sad or stressed out? Of course not. But positive thinking can make all the difference. Fake it until you make it.
     
  6. bluegrey

    bluegrey Antiquities Friend

    Spot on. You are seventeen? I wish I had that level of insight at your age.

    I no longer perform my "happy normal guy" routine with regard trying to maintain a friendship. If someone is a true friend and worthy of my emotional investment and trust then they have to accept me as the mess I can become in a prolonged episode of depression.

    My damned "happy normal guy" routine is necessary and expedient in casual encounters with neighbors or people in public but it is impossible to maintain with a friend. I found out just how many fair weathered friends I had and they kicked me to the curb when I couldn't get with the program. They are no loss.

    A positive attitude is a must in all areas of life but never betray your true hurting and introspective self to maintain a friendship. It will always be tense and unrewarding and feel like a fraud.
     
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