This morning I woke up aching. It's been 6 days since the scan and they told me there was no heart beat. I've been bleeding a bit more each day since then. (been in psych ward since monday evening). When I stood up I could feel all the stuff (clots and things) coming out, like it did last time (over new year I miscarried then too) only last time I didn't see the next bit because I think it was brokenn down by the time I bled, they said on that scan they couldn't see everything. The next bit was a sac siting on the pad with all the other blood and clots that had come out. I didn't know what to do, I didn't want to go the the bathroom because its shared and so I set up the bed with the fluff pads they'd given me in advance and I let as much come out as poss, cleaned myself up and put a fresh pad and clothes on leaving the stuff on the fluff pad on the bed. But I couldn't help looking. when I moved my pants with the pad I could see something floating around in the sac. So I opened it. And there was this little almost human looking creature. About the size of a small kidney bean, with a big head, tiny eyes, little arms and legs and sorta looked like a little mouth smiling. I knew I migh see something, but I don't think knowing what you might see and thenn seeing it in real life is quite the same (like when my brother prepared me to see our dad dying in hospital, and then actually seeing what I can only compare to as something i've seen in horror films, undead things).
I think it is an embryo at this stage, thats what I saw, an embryo that died inside me.I took a picture of it, and then carefully placed it on the bed next to me with everything else and then just sat there. One the nurses came by to see if I was coming to breakfast, I couldn't talk. He could see stuff on the bed and asked if I wanted a female nurse. I nodded. They came, and talked to me, and then one of the senior nurses came. She sat and hugged me and I cried, and they talked and I talked a little and they asked what I wanted to do and we got everything cleaned up and they let me have breakfast in my room, and gave me some lorazapam and paracetemol and then I slept till lunch. And then they brought lunch in to me too. I'm aching again now, I need more paracetemol, I'm scared to stand up because thats when the clots come out.
I think it is an embryo at this stage, thats what I saw, an embryo that died inside me.I took a picture of it, and then carefully placed it on the bed next to me with everything else and then just sat there. One the nurses came by to see if I was coming to breakfast, I couldn't talk. He could see stuff on the bed and asked if I wanted a female nurse. I nodded. They came, and talked to me, and then one of the senior nurses came. She sat and hugged me and I cried, and they talked and I talked a little and they asked what I wanted to do and we got everything cleaned up and they let me have breakfast in my room, and gave me some lorazapam and paracetemol and then I slept till lunch. And then they brought lunch in to me too. I'm aching again now, I need more paracetemol, I'm scared to stand up because thats when the clots come out.
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