possessed by death

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by suicidaldf, Sep 17, 2013.

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  1. suicidaldf

    suicidaldf New Member

    I used to be a healthy 25 year old doing a doctorate in chemistry just 3 months ago, then one day insomnia and panic attacks started hitting me, as if out of nowhere. after a week i ended up in the psyc ward on 7 different meds where over a month i deteriorated significantly to a dysfunctional, physically inert creature. the worst thing is that they cant find anything wrong with me. I have lost much of my vision, my ears are always ringing, my eyes are always dry and burning despite using drops. my body is in consant pain radiating all over and i have lost much of my ability to speak coherently. i get double vision and ghosted images and i can barely walk 10 steps without getting severely dizzy and needing to recied back to bed. everything is excruciating and the psychiatrist tells me my problem is called "illness behaviour" simply because they cant find out whats wrong with me. and refuse to let me have a brain scan. My body feels like it belongs to someone else. i used to get bouts of depression but never did my whole system crash and burn all at once like this, and with no medical explanation?? the panic attacks have stopped and im sleeping again but the physical problems have stayed, unfortunately. I had to move countries to stay with my family cause i could not continuemy PhD under these circumstances, hell i cant even walk to the grocery store. all my belongings are gone, i had to give away my cat and i live in a flat with two hostile sisters and a mother who provides for us all(barely). I am not eating and drinking anymore because i am just done. i am in a body that feels foreign, my behaviour is totally unacceptable to my standards and i do not even know why, or what happened. but i dont plan to stick around long enough to find out. By the way, hello, i am new here

    The worst thing is that my family say its all in my head. i have a strong background in biology and i can tell the difference between physical and psychosomatic pain. having experienced both for many years. yet they dismiss all my claims and say i am attention seeking.its time for me to end it all.

  2. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    I spent two years trying to get my GP to listen to me, he'd decided it was post natal depression.
    Changed doctor's when I moved and asked my new GP to listen to me without looking at my notes (my old GP had written NEUROTIC in red across my notes).
    Upshot was GP phoned a consultant at the hospital and asked him to see me immediately, I was operated on in under 2 weeks and never looked back.
    The point of my story being, never give in, keep nagging and presenting yourself to A&E, GP, whatever it takes; until someone listens.
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