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possible to get wife I like if mentally ill to point of unemployment?

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by scareddude, Oct 18, 2014.

  1. scareddude

    scareddude Well-Known Member

    I am mentally ill to the point of unemployment. Just to say before you judge, I would like to change my unemployment. There are two volunteering places in my town which don't require references so I'm starting there next week to see how I get on and pass the time and get references for work if it goes well.

    I am apparently good looking though, good at my hobbies and read quite a bit. I was dux of my high school but had to drop out of uni with my difficulties. My mum says a realistic future for me is living in a flat without carers but without working.

    I would like a girl who was also good looking and nice. Those are my requirements really. She could be unable to work and mentally ill, as long as she wasn't seriously disfigured by binge eating or anorexia (I have sympathy for such people but am not physically attracted). I don't expect her to have hobbies or be well read or have done exceptionally in education...I just want some company to help me get through life. I saw an episode of skins once and liked cassie.

    It seems reasonable to me that I could find this female equivalent of myself and marry her. Obviously I don't think anyone is obliged to marry me though.

    But apparently males and females look for different things though, females generally considering income a big factor but males not so much.

    I'd rather be alone than settle though.

    I think I can live alone, but I don't want to miss out on company and love. I probably have less need than average for companionship, but I'd still like it to some degree. A big reason why I manage now with so little company is because I have my parents to talk to. In the past I had siblings but they've got busy lives now with uni and work.
  2. scareddude

    scareddude Well-Known Member


    I can handle harsh truths
  3. VagabondVinny

    VagabondVinny Member

    I'm sure you'll find someone :)
    But, I don't really understand why you're looking on here for one (Not to be rude or anything; I'm just saying that a lot of people probably aren't looking for someone right now or.. Something like that. I mean, I wouldn't see too many people here wanting to settle down to quickly..!)
    Although, I do hope you find the perfect person who fits those requirements..!
  4. Prinnctopher's Belt

    Prinnctopher's Belt Antiquities Friend SF Supporter

    Sure but be forthcoming about your mental illness and hide nothing. Don't accept anyone who doesn't understand that fact about you or who is judgmental about your history.

    Be careful about being so desperate and pitiful for another person's intimacy that you lack any standards. Going by what you said, you don't care what kind of person this prospective companion is, as long as she's whatever is meant by merely "nice" and physically appealling. Now, what would happen when you get bored to death in conversation with her about nothing but her looks and the weather, then what? You don't care about hobbies or any type of ambition or life outside of being with you, so what happens when she does nothing all day but look in the mirror fixing her hair, watching soap operas on tv all day, then just spending life waiting for you to come home? Or if there is nothing else she wants to do for herself but stick up under you all the time, everywhere,constantly calling, texting, emailing, showing up at your job every day, being obsessed with where you always are, who youre talking to,what time you did it, and you end up with a nice, good looking bunny boiler?

    Not saying thats the necessary outcome,but men who settle out of desperation typically end up miserable and with a woman they easily fall out of love with once their immediate need for intimacy is exhausted. Fix your life first and find someone actually compatible with you and is much more than "just good looking and nice" because deep down everyone wants more than that.
  5. scareddude

    scareddude Well-Known Member

    Thanks for the replies

    But my definition of nice was maybe unclear and nice wasn't maybe the right word. I want someone who I like. That would probably mean someone who didn't watch soap operas all day.

    Also it would mean some degree of intelligence, even if she was so anhedonic at times with a condition that she wasn't always learning an instrument or reading literature.

    I'd like her to take pride in her appearance when she could but not be obsessed with it.

    I don't know.if you've heard of skins but there's a Cassie character in it...it's maybe not the best show but I quite like her even if I don't think the script writing was that good. She's intelligent enough to hold a conversation and figure stuff out but isn't that well read or obsessed with academic work and doesn't have a multitude of hobbies. She doesn't appear to have an obsession with soaps.

    Working on myself will be hard but I'll try. I think I have.to get real though and accept that I'll never be close to perfect and that I might just do low wage work or voluntary...I have to work with what I've got in life. I want to experience young love. I'm 22 so it's getting late for that and I need to act fast.