A
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so, my name is liz, im 28, live in Mexico City, and have been depressed and suicidal since i was thirteen. The deal is this....when i was two, my Dad started abusing me....sexually, physically and emotionally....i blocked it out, sortof....but i had three abortions, and a baby whom i gave up by the time i was fifteen, and didnt have a boyfriend, so obviously something was going on, and the beatings i did remember. Four years ago, due to some diet pills i was taking, i landed myself in a rehab clinic, and this is when i started to remember the abuse that had continued till that day....i actually went into the clinic more for trying to kill myself than anything....i was there five weeks, and said i didnt want to see him, so my therapist started asking if he'd abused me....i said no....then, i stopped seeing him for two years, while i stuck to the NA program, but the flashbacks and the suicidal intents and the cutting were still there....i finally convinced myself i was strong enuf to see him again, and maybe id made it all up, so i started seeing him....he was pretty okay for about a year, and then on my brother's fourteenth birthday, he started raping me again.....but i still blocked it out until april of last year when i went to this psychology workshop and things got so out of whack i started having sensation flashbacks (which id never had before), and i started cutting....one of the therapists was awesome, she confronted me about the whole thing and i didnt deny it......but she lives in Spain and all she can do is read me when i email her....i was gonna kill myself last year, but she convinced me not to....and i stuck it out....i graduated from Journalism a month ago, but around the same time, he did me....so now im pregnant, i dont have a job, and im desperate....i hadnt cut in about five months, and now ive been doing it again.-----the thingt is, my cuttings getting worse, my dad's abuse is getting worse....as in the last time was an orgy with five men.....and i have reached the end of my rope....why havent i offed myself? I dunno----maybe just thinking that i might be moving to NY soon is keeping me here....but its not soon enuf, and that part of me is getting stronger....i dont even know why im saying this, except im alone....even tho i have a therapist, i dont trust her, i dont get along with mom and even if i did she wouldnt believe me, and the few people that know i dont want to scare away...had enuf of that already-
so, my name is liz, im 28, live in Mexico City, and have been depressed and suicidal since i was thirteen. The deal is this....when i was two, my Dad started abusing me....sexually, physically and emotionally....i blocked it out, sortof....but i had three abortions, and a baby whom i gave up by the time i was fifteen, and didnt have a boyfriend, so obviously something was going on, and the beatings i did remember. Four years ago, due to some diet pills i was taking, i landed myself in a rehab clinic, and this is when i started to remember the abuse that had continued till that day....i actually went into the clinic more for trying to kill myself than anything....i was there five weeks, and said i didnt want to see him, so my therapist started asking if he'd abused me....i said no....then, i stopped seeing him for two years, while i stuck to the NA program, but the flashbacks and the suicidal intents and the cutting were still there....i finally convinced myself i was strong enuf to see him again, and maybe id made it all up, so i started seeing him....he was pretty okay for about a year, and then on my brother's fourteenth birthday, he started raping me again.....but i still blocked it out until april of last year when i went to this psychology workshop and things got so out of whack i started having sensation flashbacks (which id never had before), and i started cutting....one of the therapists was awesome, she confronted me about the whole thing and i didnt deny it......but she lives in Spain and all she can do is read me when i email her....i was gonna kill myself last year, but she convinced me not to....and i stuck it out....i graduated from Journalism a month ago, but around the same time, he did me....so now im pregnant, i dont have a job, and im desperate....i hadnt cut in about five months, and now ive been doing it again.-----the thingt is, my cuttings getting worse, my dad's abuse is getting worse....as in the last time was an orgy with five men.....and i have reached the end of my rope....why havent i offed myself? I dunno----maybe just thinking that i might be moving to NY soon is keeping me here....but its not soon enuf, and that part of me is getting stronger....i dont even know why im saying this, except im alone....even tho i have a therapist, i dont trust her, i dont get along with mom and even if i did she wouldnt believe me, and the few people that know i dont want to scare away...had enuf of that already-